Friday, May 22, 2015

Good Stride

Today I woke up with the feeling of guilt.

I don't know if it was a dream I had or left over feelings of thinking I'm inadequate, but I felt guilt for not being a good mom.

I struggle with this feeling a lot.

A lot.

Almost all the time.

I don't know any kind of other motherhood really. Just my own.

I mean I was raised by a mother and I know that. I have a mother-in-law and I know that. I have sisters who are mothers and I know that.

But, I really don't know from experience anything other than raising children with special needs.

I am never doing enough.

I get jealous of those who have one child with special needs. It seems, to me, that they have that one child to worry about if that's all they have and if they have other children without special needs they have that little bit of help.

Then there's me. Three kids with Fragile X Syndrome. I'm never doing enough. Even with all the help I have I still tell myself I am falling short.

I talk about these kinds of moments out loud sometimes and the person I am talking to will give me a pep talk, a sprinkle of hope or a compliment to take me further. It doesn't make me feel perfect, but it gives me hope that I am doing enough.

I guess I just had to share that for one reason or other. I'm just keepin' real, I guess.

My UP of today was Sister doing her 3K at school and coming in first in her class! Again! I'm so proud of her. I welled up with pride and tears when I got to run the last little bit with her through the finish line.

Now this UP didn't come without it's downs, mind you.

I just happened to be at Walmart at the time I received communication from Dr. H that she was having a meltdown about how cold it was  and she was wearing shorts and she didn't have pants to keep her warm. I'm thankful for credit cards at moments like that. I wandered the isles as quickly as my searching eyes could go and swept of 3 pairs of pants that I thought might pass as good enough to run in, and I got her some really tall knee high socks.

She has been talking about how she needs long socks for soccer so I figured I'd at least try that too.

When I got the the school I brought in the bag of items I picked out for her so that she could make a choice.

Of course she chose the socks to wear with her running shorts. I couldn't blame her... I want a pair!

They were perfect and they made her perfectly happy!

When she got outside she thought it was still too cold so she was excited to wear her teacher's jacket...

I just love this girl! When I feel inadequate she can be the one that helps me feel like I'm the greatest mom around! I'm thankful for her.

Running to the finish line! Look at her awesome stride! I'm so excited to see her potential in track!

Champion and her mom!

I didn't get any action shots so I asked her to act like she was running so I could get something...

This is what she did for me...

I thought you should enjoy her acting skills too.

Day 142 of 365 Days of Up

1 remarks:

vickit43 said...

I always felts the same way trying to raise my two boys. I even second guess myself even now that they are grown did I do everything right when they were young? Sometimes it feels like they do less now that they are out of school than ever. I just do the best I can.

You are doing a wonderful day and even though you will never stop questioning "Do I do enough?" There are a lot of moms that admire you.