The Wee Hours

Usually I would be calling 2:30 am the wee hours of the morning only because this is usually the time I have to wake up to go wee wee...

Ya.

I just said that.

I can't shut my mind off.

I just keep thinking and reading and watching...

I think it might be the Coke I had at 9pm while watching the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers play at the Scera Shell with my girls and Lindsey.

Or maybe I just have a lot on my mind.

Period.

So tonight these are the wee hours because of all the small things I have rolling around in my head.

I've been thinking about how lucky I am to be able to go to a play with my girls, who before receiving respite, I would not have been able to do with any success.

I can't stop thinking about what a great father Marc is and the bonding time and memories he is making with Brother while on a trip with a group of boys.

I keep thinking about how I need to finish blogging about my amazing trip to Europe, like there is some kind of deadline over my head. Like it's one of my design projects and I am going to screw everything up if I don't have Berlin and our flight home written down by Friday. Maybe because I am such a forgetful person and I am afraid the longer I wait the further I'll be connected to all the wonderful things that happened on our trip.

And when I think about having a deadline I keep thinking of the book I am designing and putting together for Lester Tenney that needs to go to print tomorrow morning. I just got the job last Friday! Or the book cover I am designing for a man who plans on running for President of the United States!

I keep thinking about how badly I need my sleep, but can't seem to put myself there.

I keep thinking about how I walked away from being the Leader of the Fragile X Association of Utah and how much more I am able to focus on me and my own family. Which then leads me to think about needing to get everything going for our 3rd Annual Parade of Pumpkins! So, I didn't completely back out of the FXAU, I'm still wanting to help other people.

Then I think about all the people there might be out there that are affected by Fragile X and don't even realize it.

Like I wonder about Michael Phelps...

Seriously, when I watch Brother at swim lessons I think, more and more, that I have to agree with many of the FXS moms out there who wonder if he has FXS. Is he affected? Who knows... maybe we moms just like to speculate that people with Fragile X have the potential to be Olympians.

Will my little blogs, fundraisers, Facebook posts and shots on Instagram ever come to Michael Phelps' attention so that he hears about FXS and decides to get tested and or just wants to become the celebrity that propels Fragile X Syndrome to the forefront?

Probably not.

I keep thinking about how long I have wanted to be in a play because I LOVE musicals and theater and acting (who knew I would love acting... sheesh). Now I'm in one! I really am in one! I may not have a speaking part, or even something you would notice me in, but I am in a play. I am having fun getting to know other people that I would never have known otherwise. I am watching our director teach us choreography that I never thought I would be able to do... OK, may I'm not good at it, but I LOVE it!

I keep thinking about how I am actually doing things for myself that bring me so much joy and satisfaction.

Then when I think about me doing those things, I think about whether I am a good mom and wife while leaving my family to follow my dreams and hopes. It seems weird to me to be putting my wants ahead of someone else in my life.

I keep thinking about wanting to lose weight and how, by dang, I will before I have to dress up in the Saloon Girl Costume for the play...

I'm pretty sure I'll be wearing more than this... !!!

I keep thinking about ...

Oh garbage...

I'm finally getting tired...

enough...

that I can't think of what I am thinking of...

I think the wee hours are working on my wee mind...

Yup!

There it went...