I just knew there were monsters or ghosts down there.
Sometimes, though, I had to go down there to get my mom's bottled peaches if I wanted peaches and cream, go down to get her bottled chili sauce for her homemade french fries, or to get something I needed out of the laundry.
During the day it was alright.
Ghosts only come out at night.
So of course, at night, was when I was really scared.
The way I solved this problem was by wrapping a blanket around me and turning on all the lights on my way down. The blanket, I guess, was like a shield. If I had a blanket around my back then no ghosts could sneak up on me... hey I was a kid, it worked to get me down there.
Today I had a different kind of blanket around me to keep the monsters away. I tried really hard to keep moving and keep staying busy and not allowing myself to give up, lay down or zone out.
I carried "busy" with me all day so the monster of depression couldn't get me and when my sister called me to see how I was doing today I was able to respond that I am moving forward and trying hard.
I remember too, when I was young and fearfully going downstairs with a blanket wrapped around me, I would get what I went down for and then turn and run with fury out of the storage room, up the stairs and screeching to halt in the kitchen, because you also know, as a kid, that you can always outrun a monster...
I think I was trying to do that the middle part of the day, "Run!" trying to get away from depression and when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel it started getting better.
It's still there.
I will still keep my blanket of busy-ness wrapped tightly around me, but I'll make sure some of that "busy" time is for me too.
One of my UPs today was that I witnessed a dream of my friend's start to unfold. You know, the friend I did the artwork for? Well, we did some of the filming that involves my art piece and all of our Young Women today.
The whole day was not going as my friend had planned and it just seemed to be getting worse—people backing out, plans falling apart, but worst of all, it was raining and the filming was supposed to be outside.
We were all meeting at 4:00 and were supposed to start filming at a park if the rain cleared. To buy some time while hoping the weather would clear up we filmed some pieces inside the church building. By the time we were done with that, the rain had stopped and the cloud cover that was left made for some perfect lighting and beautiful, cloudy backdrop against the mountains. It was perfect weather for the occasion the whole time we were outside.
And then it hit me.
Yesterday was a HUGE low point for me.
Today was a low LOW point for my friend.
I know, now, why we are so happy even though we have tough times.
You have to have the lowest of lows to really and truly appreciate the high of the highs. Do you know what I mean? It's like I said about going on vacation with our kids... there were some really, really stormy and rough times, but those all made the rainbow of the good experiences seem just that much greater and brighter.
You just have to trust God and let him lead the way knowing that at some point He will lead you out of the "basement."
Thats the hardest part.
Having faith you'll get UP again.
You truly have to have opposition in all things.
So, I just now decided that this morning when I had to carry a kicking and blubbering mess of a Baby out to her bus for her first official day of Kindergarten, wrestle her down to her seat and then fold her into her seatbelt that I was merely being prepped for the joy I had when she got home happy, bouncy and giggling. It was just that much sweeter to see her toothy smile.
Oh, and I did remember to take a first day of school picture of her...
But, hey, maybe that's why she was so darned happy when she got home because it got so much better after that point...
Day 239 of 365 Days of Up