Thursday, January 1, 2015


Is it possible for your heart to be full, yet broken?

Like, maybe, one half is packed with great feelings and gratitude, but the other side is achy and somewhat empty...

Well, if that is possible, I feel like that.

On Tuesday I was able to be a chaperone at Brother's Christmas Tour in Salt Lake City.

I was bursting with joy and pride that my son is part of such a wonderful choir. I loved watching his enthusiasm in every song and the expressions he had on his face with each line

One of my favorite parts was Brother's reaction to the inside of the Utah Capitol building, "Mom! This looks like a Palace" He was so right. It was quite beautiful!

But, the other side of my heart also noticed that he is different from his peers in this choir class. It was hard to see his strong desire to be social, but watch the awkwardness of his social skills. Also, to be reminded of his youthful heart and mind as I watch him struggling to pay attention and stand still, yet can't help but smile because that's "just Brother."

The entire group had the opportunity for a little eating and shopping at City Creek until the bus left for home. The funnest part of that was watching the TRAX trains with him after we had finished dinner and had done a tad bit of window shopping.

Do you notice that it is just me and him hanging out together? Well, that's all it was. Just us. I'm glad I was there so that he wasn't alone... which, really, he wouldn't have been... I know that he us surrounded by so many youth who would take them under their wing and watch over him. In fact, there was one point when I was checking out the Disney store and Brother was not by my side anymore but was with a crowd of choir girls who were having fun with him for a while. He was grinning from ear to ear. So, ya, I know they would have watched out for him, but it's hard to know that your kid is really the babysitting project and not really the friend of choice to hang out with.

I understand.

I totally do.

It doesn't mean it's not hard to be witness to.

But, he did get a second chance to be with "friends" at City Creek in Salt Lake!

Later that week Brother had the opportunity to go with some friends in our ward to ride Frontrunner (A short distance train) up to Salt Lake City and go to City Creek for food and Christmas shopping.

I really wanted to get pictures from them of this trip so I could include them in this post. But, I haven't pushed the issue yet.

I also really want to tell you all about it, what I know from my side anyway, but I can't, at this moment, put any of it, really, into words... I know, that sounds a little strange for me. I am just so grateful for the charity and compassion that people have for Brother.

I want to sit down and write a personal not to each person individually thanking them for the impact, influence and experience they gave brother of knowing what it can be like to hang out with friends. He was beaming from ear to ear when he came home that day.

He felt like one of them.

You know.

Just like everyone else.

Charity is two-sided.

Everyone involved is benefitted by it.

That's the kind of two-sided kind of thing I will try to look for more often in my life.

3 remarks:

Unknown said...

Maybe on the next field trip you hang back and watch the actions of the other kids by interacting with him., is it Brother or his mother. Not saying you did wrong but it seems a group of girls found him to talk to. Maybe hang back to see if it is you the kids. Are afraid of

vickit43 said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. My oldest son always had classmates that looked out for him and made him feel happy. But like you I have witnessed the back turning, walking off and unsureness of what to do next. It really hurts the heart of us moms. My youngest son has never experienced this for most all of his 'typical" classmates were always just a little scared of him. He has had some special ed students that care for him. Being a mom is so hard but I love every minute of it. Thanks for sharing.

Marc and Rachael said...

Dear Unknown,
I did hang back. A lot. It was hard to do, but I wanted to have a chance to get to know his peers so I took time to talk with them too and make sure to not hover around Brother so as to give them their opportunity. It is a tough thing to do... And you are right about the girls finding him, I was glad for that.

It is one of those things that can be very tough, yet very eye opening. :)