Saturday, January 17, 2015

Pink or Blue?

I should have followed my gut instinct and blogged my UP as soon as it happened.

I thought, "I should blog about this before something rotten happens so that I don't have to focus so hard on the day to find the good."

But, I didn't do it.

I waited.

I had good reason to.

I was working... as a designer, photographer and mom.

I do wish, though, that I would have just taken that little bit of time to write down how awesome play rehearsal was today.

When I was in the Addam's Family Musical I was at rehearsal at least 10 hours a week! There was a lot of dancing, singing, choreography and fun! We got so close as a cast. We spent so much time together.

It was such a great "out" for me.

I couldn't wait to do another play!

When I was cast in "Pinkalicious" back in December I was expecting the same amount of time to be taken out of my days.

I think I have had 3 rehearsals so far and they have only been 30 minutes to an hour.

But, today my practice time really kicked in and we had a 2 hour day of choreography and it was a blast!!! I was reminded again of how much I LOVE acting, making new friends and just letting my inner theater geek shine!

I have to admit that when I never got a call back about being in the Night of Broadway that I tried out for last week, I was pretty deflated.

I was proud of myself for putting myself out there and trying.

It just knocked me down a bit...

until today when I was able to just have a blast dancing and singing with friends, laughing and chatting with the director and joking with the choreographer and stage manager.

Then, I was OK with not being cast in the Broadway thing-y... sort of... I still need to regain all my confidence (wink).

I'll go watch the Broadway tribute, learn what they do, then try out again next year.

In fact I am thinking about trying out for another play tomorrow... I'm just thinking about it though. Not sure if I have the courage yet. It's just a straight play, no musical, but it's an Agatha Christie mystery, "Then There Were None." I get to audition with a British accent so why not, right? We'll see.

Anyway, soon after my amazingly fun morning of rehearsal I had to take care of a situation that has been deeply affecting one of our kids.

It's really distressing to have to fight so hard to keep your kids safe from harm in all its forms, but it's also a relentless and emotional process to have to relive it all in detail in order to explain the needs for your child to each person involved.

It was a 30-40 minute long conversation that ended with me in tears, pleading for the advocacy of my child.

This is where mental impairment gets really tough.

We have enough to deal with from the syndrome itself and all the challenges that come with parenting, but to place the negative outside affects of the world on top of all of it can be VERY discouraging and disheartening.

Thank goodness for Wendy's on days like today!

I couldn't even get myself emotionally calmed down enough to make a dinner for my kids.

The good thing about getting dinner for the kids was a good sign that I was going on a date with Marc tonight and would be able to have a stress-free dinner out with our friends. It was a nice double date and we ended the evening with a funny movie on Netflix and I was once again reminded of my UP time today. (Laughter truly is the best medicine!)

I'm so grateful for those times—be they 10 minutes or 10 hours—those times are my life line.


I am so grateful that the Lord, knowing I would deal with depression my whole life would give me a reason to get up and move forward each day.

A reason to pull myself out of my depression stupor and keep me moving forward for the sake of some one else.

I have been blessed with a family who desperately needs me.

I have to be there for them.

I know that.

If I don't do it, who will?

It has been said that if we will but lose ourselves in the service of others that is when we find ourselves.

I know, from experience, that if I let myself fall too far that even selflessness cannot bring me out of depression. But, if I, continually, every day, every moment, focus on the UPs, the greats, the happies, the fantastics or the minimally satisfactories I can keep those as my momentum to keep moving forward. I just can't let myself fall to far back.

There is a method to my madness, an understands to my UPs and a system to my sympathies.

It's all to keep myself just that much further from falling of the edge into the lonely and sad abyss of depression.

Happiness is a choice.

God gave me 3 children with special needs.

I could complain to him every day for giving me such a trial and on top of that trial, many, many others.

I could have chosen to be blue today.

I chose PINK. I chose to let my happy moments, like rehearsing for a sweet little play called "Pinkalicious," rule my day's outcome.

What choice will you make today and tomorrow?

Day 16 of 365 Days of UP

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