The Upside of being a Mean Mommy

So, being a parent of children with Fragile X Syndrome is never boring.

I mean, even all they have to go along with it keeps your mind spinning—ADHD, ODD, ASD, SPD... good heavens I have to have a PHD in abbreviations and acronyms!

Anyway, what "not boring" is in our house usually starts as soon as Sister wakes up.

She's always happy when she wakes up. Ninety-nine percent of the time.

The challenge is, how long will the happiness last before she remembers something she has always wanted, needed last night and didn't get it, wants for Christmas right now, can't find what she "lost" or just plain doesn't get her way.

Today it was all about a LEGO Club membership.

I was in bed.

I was tired.

I didn't want to jump up at the queen's requests and, I guess, I was tired of trying to please her for the previous two hours that morning with no success.

So, I just tried to tune out her constant shouts of disdain for my lack of mothering.

"Mommy! I don't like you any more!" then she'd wait to see if I'd give a reaction.

"Mommy your a meanie!" was heard several if not hundreds of times, I'm sure just to get my attention.

But then she said yelled something that made both Marc and I start to chuckle as we laid in our bed trying our best to ignore her behavior.

You know how I just told you that she kept saying I'm a meanie?

Well, this was the phrase that was said while she was starting to get really, really frustrated that I wasn't running to get her LEGO club membership (She wants the magazines.)

So from her room screamed, "Mom's a meanie!! Mom's a meanie, miny, Moe!!"

Marc and I laughed.

A lot.

And that, my friends, was the UPside of being  a mean mom today.

This was taken a while ago at the doctor's office, but I thought it was a fun Mother-Daughter picture of us.

Day 31 of 365 days of UP

Both Sets

This day was full of great things that could only be called UPs!

Play practice today was grand and I think I am even getting the dances down better, and boy do we dance! Woo! It feels great though to be on stage dancing and singing and having fun! I am surprised how much I love this stuff! I think I even have my lines about 90% down and I am getting better at my staging!

Oh! And did I mention we had costume fittings yesterday? That was fun! My costumes make me giggle! 3 in total, and they are really fun!

Have you noticed how many exclamation points are in this post already? This day must have been great!

I was able to get some of my design work done and it always feels good to get... ah crap.... I forgot to send off one of my proofs! Dang it! That's a bit of a downer... oh well, I guess I'll just send it in the morning...

Anyway.

Back to having fun.

I took Brother to watch our good friend's daughter play her basketball game at the high school.

It was a loss for our team but it was a win for the crowd participation and the intensity of the game played!

the boys across the way, standing on the bleachers may have been the biggest cheerleaders there...
and that's saying something if I was there too...

 The progression of Brother's photo op....

That's CeeNee sitting next to Brother (smile)

My dear friend

Brother left the seat behind me and went down to "socialize" in his own way... on the outskirts...

Aaaaaannnnd during half time I got to stand up and dance to Beyoncé's "All The Single Ladies." It was just fun... it just was.

Plus, it was extra fun for me because there were so many people being SO SWEET to Brother! So happy to see him and talk to him. I just love it. I love knowing that even though Brother doesn't always really reciprocate social aspects, these kids just know him and keep trying anyway.

I just love it.

I also have to insert here that I have been so impressed with the huge and particular efforts that our sweet friend and neighbor, CeeNee (name has been changed) has been making with Brother. I mean she really is genuinely kind to him and always makes an effort no matter how hard he is being. He may act like he doesn't like it, but he does. He really, really loves it.

After the game we left to go home and Marc's parents, Lynne and Gary were there to visit! Lynne had cleaned my kitchen counters and done all the dishes! Talk about making my day! And there were a LOT of them people! a LOT!

Not only had they cleaned but they also brought pizza for us for dinner!

UP!

Yup.

UP.

Then Gary started having some fun with the Sister and Baby...

They were trying to look like angels. It reminded me of when my dad would do that for me.

After Gary's angel school, we all just sat and casually visited and just had a good time talking

Then I started getting more work done while Marc got the girls to bed.

At about 9:00pm there was a knock on the door and it was my parents coming to visit! They were actually coming to check out Baby's broken rocking horse to see if they could fix it.

I bought this precious rocking horse at a yard sale about 15 years ago. Brother, Sister and Baby have all ridden on it to the full extent of their over-loaded sensories--meaning they rock on it so hard that I am surprised it doesn't flip completely over. Needless to say, it's been a good horse.

My dad took off the part that needed to be fixed and we'll see if it will give us another year, at least.

They also stayed and I made a healthy version of a pina colada.

It was really nice to hang out with both sets of parents today!

It has been a phenomenal day!

A Night On The Town, Broadway Style

A great day for UP!

But the funnest part was going out on a middle-middle-of-the-week date with Marc.

We went and saw A Night of  Broadway at the Scera Theater.

I wasn't too sure that Marc would enjoy this so much, I've kind of thrown him into this whole theater thing... but he loved it! We both loved it! It was great! Most of the songs I had actually never heard, but they were all amazing!!

Plus it was fun to get all dressed up for a night at the theater!

That's something that Marc and I really enjoy lately—getting all dressed up for a night on the town.

It was so fun too because I was able to see a lot of my friends from the Addam's Family and they were all amazing!

Marc and I were thoroughly entertained.

Have you ever seen that "Jerry Seinfield" episode where Jerry dates the girl with Man Hands? Ha!
This picture makes me think of that ... that's my hand over Marc's beard! He!

Taking selfies while we wait for the next act to start.

After it was over we just had to get a picture in front of the entry decor to memorialize the night:

After talking to some friends and moseying a bit we decided we needed more pictures to commemorate our date:

So we took some in from of the Scera stained glass window...

And of course in front of the Statue of Liberty! 

After it was over, we had to have more fun so...

we went to the grocery store!

Marc even took pictures while we were there too!

Yep, we're married.

That's how we roll.

Up and at 'em

Hmmm...

Let me think about today...

Oh ya! My UP today is that I got up and out of bed at 6:20 instead of 7:00 to get Brother up and ready for school while simultaneously doing exercise and practicing my lines for the play.

It went like this (dream sequence music):

MIND: Rachael, wake up.

BODY: Just 8 more minutes... isn't that how much I have left on the snooze button? ...

PHONE: tiNgLE, TInglE, tiNGLe, buzzzzz

MIND: Rachael, get up!

BODY: I know my goal was to get up at 6:00 but it's 6:08 and if I push snooze one more time it will be 6:16 and that will be close enough...

EYES: I can't keep these lids open.

(now in a faster more urgent undertone)

PHONE: tiNgLE, TInglE, tiNGLe, buzzzzz

MIND: Rachael, get up!

BODY: OK! Let me slide sideways off my bed until my legs hit the floor and then I will plant my face into the side of the mattress and get up from there.

  Oomph!

EYES: Is that Marc or the doorway? Is the light on or off? Am I open yet? ... Oh, OK, not quite. Alrighty, here we go.

MIND: Yay, you did it! You're up! Woohoo!

BODY: Go downstairs, turn on Brother's bedroom light and tell him to get up, walk to the exercise room, get on the tread mill, put my head phones in and find the recording of my lines on my phone.

MIND: Take out your headphones and yell to Brother to get up again, cuz you know he's not.

MOUTH: "Hey, [Brother], get up!"

BODY: Move that elliptical!

MIND: Let's go over your first scene.

MOUTH: Hi Mrs. Pinkerton ...

MIND: Brother...

MOUTH: Brother you better be out of your bed!

MIND: K, next line...

MOUTH: Where? ... Huh?... Oh! ....

MIND: Brother...

MOUTH: Brother, you better be getting out of your pajamas!

EYES: 8 minutes...

BODY: OK, it looks like I'll only get 15 minutes of the elliptical in today, better go harder.

MOUTH: Your so lucky! ... Wow! ...

MIND: Time?

EYES: 10 minutes

BODY: go harder!

MIND: Brother...

MOUTH: Brother you better have your pants and shirt on!

MIND: OK, next scene... Why won't my phone let me swipe the next line. Ugh!

FINGERS: Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.... push-tap, push-tap .... smack, smack, smack ...

EYES: 12 minutes!

FINGERS: Bingo!

MOUTH: Hi! ... wand ... all the fun ...

MIND: Brother...

MOUTH: Brother you better have your deoderant on!

EARS: I think he just said something to me but I can't make it out over my headphones.

MIND: He's probably screaming at you.

EYES: 13 minutes

MIND: You know darn well he's not dressed yet.

MOUTH: You better be getting ready in there! I have 2...

EYES: 1

MOUTH: ... 1 minute left before I come in and check on you!

BODY: Go harder! One minute left.

MOUTH: Really Pinkalicious? ...

EYES: 16

BODY: done

MIND: Go check on Brother.

EYES: He's still in his pajamas!

MOUTH: Ugh! Really?

MIND: Here we go again.

BODY: I'm so proud of myself! I just exercised and got Brighton up and ... out of bed before 7:05 this morning!

HEART: Life is good.

Short and Sweet

Today was just a day.

Nothing exciting.

Nothing absolutely terrible.

Just a day.

It was kind of a discouraging day to be honest.

One of the reasons is because I got the psychological evaluations back for the kids and that is just always hard to read on paper how much your kids just don't match up to the "norm."

So after reading that email this morning and getting the kids off to school I just took a nap.

Yep.

Stress makes me tired.

And hungry.

Since I started yesterday to really crack down on how I eat I thought I would take the nap option.

So that was my UP for today.

I awarded myself a nap.

The End

Day 27 of 365 Days of Up

Clean

Today, my up was that I did my dishes, cleaned off the kitchen counters and vacuumed the entire upstairs...

and...

drum roll please...

cleaned the hall bathroom!

Ta da!

Yep, it gets pretty exciting for me as a work at home mom to be able to do motherly things like clean house.

I bet there are some of you out there who wouldn't have chosen cleaning the bathroom as your UP for the day!

Here's a thought for today if my little UP isn't UPlifting enough for you:

"Let all things be done in cleanliness before me." —Doctrine and Covenants 42:41

I know He (God) is not talking about a clean house, but more our attitudes and actions.

But, I have to say that when we live in a clean house it seems much easier to feel at peace with other things going on in Our Life.

We have chaos enough without adding the disorderly household.

So be happy if you cleaned your house today.

You did more than you realize...

Day 26 of 365 Days of Up

Poke-a-homa

Did anyone notice I missed a day of blogging?

I did.

It's tough to have a goal of doing something specifically every day.

But I guess in 25 days only missing 2 days is really pretty good for me. That means by the time I have made it to 365 days I should have only missed about 17 days.

Hmm. Not bad.

But I've noticed that if I give myself any leeway that I sort of take advantage of it, so if I say I can miss 17 days this year I might take 15 of them all in two weeks and then I stress myself out trying to not miss anymore days at all from February to December. Then I stress about whether it is still meeting my goal if I miss 30 of the 365 days of UP. Then...

Wew! OK, getting worked up here, people. I've only missed 2 days so far...

let's leave it at that.

Yesterday was really busy.

Kind of a whirlwind of projects, chores and caregiving.

My UP though was totally unexpected...

Remember way back when I took Baby to my play rehearsal on choreography day and I decided that day I would take her to the dance class I had heard they have for special needs kids at The Dance Club here in Orem?

Well... yesterday I finally took them.

All three.

I was doing it, really for Baby, but hoping that Brother and Sister would be interested.

I had brought it up the week before and Sister screamed at me and Brother started to whine, so I new it was going to be one of those things that would go down in Our Life history as a "weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth" day.

It was.

Oh my goodness was it!

I tried to keep the day really low key for the kids most of the day by just letting them hang out and play and non-challantly throwing out how fun it would be to dance today. Of course each time that was met with a solid no, or a quiet whimper, which wasn't, actually, too bad of a reaction so I thought this might go fairly smoothly.

I have been doing this for about 15 years now so I have finally learned better than to just trust my hopes, but to rely on my instincts.

I brought Lindsey along.

Good thing too.

Lindsey walked a smiling Baby and a whining Brother out to the car while I carried my tall, lanky, squirming, kicking, screaming, head banging, name calling 9-year-old and pushed/folded/stuffed her in to the Suburban like I was trying to fit a giant octopus into a mini cooper.

Lindsey and I endured Sister's screams, insults, back seat kicking, and complete and utter derailment while also enduring the hyper-sensory endured melt-downs of Baby and Brother.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

Sake!

I kept thinking, in my head, I can't believe how crazy I am that even during all this I am staying fairly calm and letting Sister know that we were just going to give it a try and if she didn't like it, we could leave all while trying to sooth Brother and Baby with the consoling I was offering to Sister.

That 5 minute ride seemed like 45 minutes.

Then we got to the parking lot.

I still had to carry Sister into the building so that she wouldn't run off in her complete and total meltdown.

As we entered the doors, which were glass windows so I am sure that our entrance wasn't quite as surprising to those who had been watching us approach them, Sister's screams got louder and echoed in the vaulted ceiling foyer.

Everyone was looking to see how had lost and arm and seemed to be confused to see there was no blood as we entered.

I couldn't find anyone in the office so I had to take my wailing 9-year-old and my whimpering 5 and 15-year olds through the maze of doors that looked like I might find someone of authority in there.

I was trying to find someone because I was supposed to fill out paperwork so they could participate in the class and we had arrived a little early to do so.

Well, because of the tender mercies that occur in Our Life often, the lady in charge could see the struggle I was having trying to hold Sister on my hip and finagle the pen and forms so she just said, "You know what, why don't you just go try out the class and see if they even like it and you can fill this out later."

I was so relieved to know she wasn't like the checker at the grocery store that didn't seem to notice my struggle in trying to pay for my groceries and keep Baby within 5 feet of where I was...

There are people out there who "see" it, you know.

Anyway, we went down the stairs with the still wailing Sister in arm and the still whimpering Baby and Brother tailing behind with Lindsey down a long hallway that contained our family noises with quite a bit of reverb so, of course, everyone waiting in the hall watching their children dance were aghast at the site of our motley crew of raw emotions and pitiful faces.

Then, when we got to the spot where the special needs dance room was located we had time before the class would start. I was worried about this overflow of time because I wasn't sure how the kids would do in that 15-20 minutes of waiting for the thing they were not wanting to do.

But there were windows.

There were windows to watch the ballet class that was currently happening in the classroom across from ours.

All three kids were in awe of the ballerinas and couldn't take their eyes off of them. It was so peaceful as we watched this sweet young girls kick, spin, sashay and leap about the room as if it was no effort.

Then the teacher of that class, when finished, walked across the hall to the room where our special needs kids would be getting taught.

This amazing teacher who has been transforming these beautiful ballerinas was now across the way volunteering her time and talents to work with children who may never have a chance to dance like this. There were also youth volunteer dancers who came in to help.

Sister still would not go in, and made it loudly clear that she would not, but Baby and Brother were intrigued enough to at least go in and try it out.

I thought, for sure, after a few minutes, Baby would start spinning and twirling with the kids in the room but she feel apart after about 15 minutes and I needed to take her out.

Brother, however, wanted to stay and Lindsey, Baby, Sister and I really had a great time watching him learn steps and techniques and even part of a dance routine.

Brother was really excelling in there and couldn't have looked happier or more proud of himself. I have to say that he really tried hard to impress his dance teacher and I loved seeing his embarrassed pride each time his teacher praised him for work well-done.

After class was over, all 5 of us exited the dance room, walked up the stairs, went to the office and got some papers to fill out, then walked out to the car, got in, and it all went well.

Really?

Really!

I'm so excited for Brother to be in dance class!

I am still going to try to get Baby to try it out each time.

...

Today Sister was looking at her yearbooks (She does this often just to write down name and memorize people.) She was in a goofy and humorous mood and saw that the row of pictures on one of the pages was not complete with the last picture that should complete the page or pattern of the others.

So she drew one in.

Made me laugh and I haven't stopped smiling about it yet.

I, also, can't forget to tell you that Sister calls Oklahoma, "Poke-a-homa."

He he he!

                                                                                                                                           Days 24 and 25 of 365 days of UP

Between Being Busy and Being Numb

I keep thinking about how I really want to show you videos of Christmas and I record video of fun things around the house, but I have not had time to put anything together for you to watch on my YouTube Channel. I miss doing that.

Videos.

It's fun for me to show you how my life is in real action.

I love to write, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just can't capture things in words the way I would like to.

Making movies is fun.

Nothing professional, mind you, just good ol' home movies.

In fact I noticed that the LDS Film Festival is coming up this March and they have a section for short films (like 2 - 5 minutes) that anyone can enter in and I got so excited about the idea of making a little film documentary about Fragile X in my world.

I'm too busy with things...

Well...

Sometimes I'm busy, but I just sit in a numb daze staring at the computer screen trying to focus on what I was supposed to be doing.

But, between being busy and being numb, putting together videos just hasn't fallen into my list of to-do's.

I want to though.

Maybe you'll see a little Christmas recap by Spring and maybe next year I'll get in a little Fragile X Documentary for the LDS Film Festival.

Who knows.

Anyway, today was one of those days where it was decent, no awful things happened, no out of the ordinary occurrences and nothing that would really cause me to be down.

But, I just felt numb for whatever reason.

Depression can do that to you.

It's weird that way.

Your life is great but it tries to remind you of your struggles and pain just, well, because.

Really, I have nothing to complain about.

I mean Brother did miss the bus this morning. I had to change both the girls' bed sheets. I couldn't get the diaper box open after I had realized there were not more diapers on the shelf and Baby had already run off to the living room and decided that, instead of going into the bathroom to pee, why not just stand next to the couch in the living room and pee there.

I guess I could complain about that.

I am behind on my work and tired so I can't seem to keep my eyes open long enough to get the work done without dozing into short naps consisting of my typing stuff likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this because I fall asleep with my fingers on the keys.

Maybe I could complain about that.

I had to load all 3 kids in the car to run to a doctor's office to pick up some vitamins for my restless leg...

I will not complain about it, but I will tell you kind of how it went:

Mom - "OK kids let's all hop in the car, I need to run a quick errand."

Kids - "Can Ranger come with us? Can I sit in the middle? Can we go to the toy store? Can Ranger sit by me? Where are we going? I don't wanna go! I wanna stay home! This is stupid! You're a dumb mom! Turn around right now."

Mom - "Sister get back in the car! Baby sit in your seat! Stop pulling her hair! Just let her hold him (Ranger). Stop crying! Stop screaming. Stop hitting me! Don't throw that at me!"

Kids - "K, Mom, you can turn around now. I don't want to go here! You missed it. Let go home now. Too bad, you missed it."

Then there was fighting over the middle spot and crying and wailing ensued.

Luckily there was a Wendy's on the way home.

The kids LOVE Wendy's! They'll eat it every time.

So it all ended well in the end.

Then Lindsey can to watched the kids while Marc and I went to an activity at the church to play games with other couples and adults.

That was my UP for the day.

It was just fun.

And I let myself just have fun.

Fun is up and up is fun.

It makes a great day for everyone.

Day 23 of 365 days of UP

You're better than you think.

I got to flit around the stage today like a beautiful butterfly!

This must be said with the thought of that chubby caterpillar from "A Bug's Life" in your mind's eye... it just makes it kinda funny:

Anyway, but really I did! My wings were a LOT bigger though! That's what made it so fun. Oh my goodness it was fun! I couldn't stop smiling as I leaped and danced about the stage learning the choreography.

That was a good UP for me today, not to mention the play is all starting to come together and it is just getting more fun.

But there was a small moment today that has stuck with me all day.

As I was practicing with the group one of our numbers, I was encouraging fellow players in saying that if I can do something like this, then anyone can.

I'm really hard on myself. I'm sure that is part of what adds to my depression issues.

I've never been confident.

When I say that it surprises people because I am outgoing and loud.

It would seem that self confidence struggles wouldn't go hand in hand with being outgoing and friendly.

I think it's just my defense mechanism... if I'm fun, funny, or entertaining then no one has to focus on ... me... or so I seem to think.

Well, today my friend, who is also the music director said, "Rachael, you're better than you think you are."

I don't exactly now why but that just sat with me today.

It was a compliment, really.

At least I took it as one.

But, it was also a good reminder that I just put myself down too often.

My sister said the same thing to me yesterday. She actually kinda got ofter me for it (in a loving way of course).

I need to learn to build others up without putting myself down.

So I guess that was an UP/down moment.

It was a good learning moment for me.

Other UPs of the day:

Brother tied his shoes this morning! Both shoes, all by himself, with no whining!

Yay!

Another up for the day was that I took and made the time to make dinner and it was all healthy with a home made, made up on the fly, spinach pesto cream sauce

And last, but, certainly not least, was that we remembered to read scriptures as a family tonight.

It was an UP kind of day!

Day 22 of 365 Days of UP

Plays, Shots, Service and Shoes

I'm so blessed!

I really am!

I feel like this whole looking for the UPs thing is really keeping me moving forward.

I'm not saying my life is perfect or anything, I just am excited to see that it isn't terrible either.

I'm not going to take much time today.

I'll just be brief.

My UPs for the day:

I had a fantastic play practice complete with choreography, singing, laughing and just being a kid again. (I play a little girl in this play, Allison, Pinkalicious' friend.)

I had an awesome talk with a great friend who then decided to be amazing and brought my family dinner... just because. Just because people! She brought spaghetti, salad, bread and butter and donuts! Woot!

Which turned out to be so awesome because then I had another great friend who offered to do my headshots! Yay! I have to give a little side not here: I was contemplating canceling the appointment because I don't feel my best, I've gained weight recently and my stress, I think, has taken it's toll on me. Then I remembered the council I give to all my clients who don't want to get get pictures taken and decided to just embrace me how I am now and jump in and do it. So I did.

Stephen with Miner Details Photography did a great job. He even got a couple up for me already so I can post it for you to see!

Also, while getting my photo done, I was able to reunite with friends I haven't see in a long while and it was so fun to laugh and talk with them again! That might be part of the reason for my true smile in the picture...

Then I was able to participate in a great service with the Young Women at church and I was just in such a good mood by then that I was randomly grabbing girls to do-si-do with and just be goofy while we worked hard on our big project.

But my BIGGEST UP was actually clear back this morning at 7:15 am when Brother tied his own shoe!!! I hesitate a little to share that because I don't want him to be made fun of for not having done it till now, but I hope that the people who read this and know him, will just be kind and sweet. This is a HUGE thing for him.

Yes, you know it was a good day when your 15 year-old son ties his own shoe for the first time...

or maybe that's just here in Our Life!

One of his recent selfies to leave you with a smile.

Day 21 of 365 Days of UP

She went left and I went right...

or was it that she went right and I went left?

I don't totally remember.

I do know I was reminded why I don't take Baby with me to the store by myself.

I guess I have been having so many UPs that I felt invincible today... don't ask me.

You would think that I would learn after she ran and hid from me twice at the first store, which thank goodness, was no bigger than the top floor of my house.

I got cocky, I guess, because after that I took her to the big grocery store.

It started of well. She was holding my hand and everything. I was thinking this last errand would go off without a hitch.

Then we hit the checkout stand. It was all down hill from there.

I can't load stuff on the belt, pay, talk to the cashier and hold onto Baby at the same time.

Of course she's going to take advantage of this opportunity and run, run as fast as she can!

I'm going to keep the long story short and just say that after 15 minutes of not knowing where Baby was in the store 2 other mom's who had seen my panic came to the rescue when they spotted her hiding behind a display, crouched down in the isle I had checked many times.

I nervously laughed it off with the other moms who understood where I was coming from for the most part and I thanked my lucky stars that Baby hadn't gone out the open doors to the parking lot.

Looking for her made me late for Brother's bus drop off from school, and he was home, outside waiting for me to get there. At least he knew enough to just wait for me and not wander off. I had 2 "minor" panic attacks within 20 minutes, but it all worked out and both my kids were now home safe.

When I was done feeling panicked, I was able to sit back and laugh and just think what a great sitcom my life really would make!

At around 5:00 a lady showed up at my door selling spring rolls.

I remember last year Marc came in and told me that he had bought some spring rolls from a lady that was going door to door. I was so bugged at him that he didn't tell her, "no." I mean, I don't know if she has a clean house she cooks in, I don't know if the ingredients are any good or if they even taste good. Why couldn't he just say, "no."

Now I knew why. It's like she has this look on her face that if I don't buy her spring rolls her children will starve today. OK, maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but whatever tactic it was that she used, I fell for it.

12 spring rolls for $10 from a lady I didn't even know...

But hey, I didn't have to make all of dinner, I just added rice and some veggies for the sides and voila!

And none of us died from food poisoning or choked on a hairball.

All is well.

Anyway, my UP today came from talking to a group of women tonight for the church (we call it Relief Society).

I got to talk to them about being HAPPY!

It was so much fun! I really enjoy speaking to people and making them laugh. I got to tell my whole "running errands with Baby" story with actions and sound effects and everything!

They laughed!

I'm so glad they laughed!

That's my UP.

They laughed with me and I, once again realized what a blessing it is to have a sense of humor.

This was me after I got my sweets stash and a happy balloon to go home with.

But the greatest UP was when one of the sisters, a friend of mine, shared that she reads my blog each night and is inspired to find her UP each day too.

Wow! I did that for someone!

I feel special.

And it makes my hard times and my UP times seem just that much more bearable and memorable that it can help me AND some one else too.

My great grandma used to sing a song she wrote, and if any of my family or relatives read this they will know the tune and the accent that goes along with it. If you are not related to me, have me sing it to you sometime...

"Because yer special, special! You are very special!"

I'm falling asleep with that memorable tune in my head tonight.

I hope you do too. Because you are special...

Shallow and Deep

I have decided, today, that there are some shallow happy moments and deep happy moments.

This may vary according to the kind of day that I am having or the mood I am in.

Today was a good day for the most part so I have to say that the happy moment of finding a coat at the 50% off sale at the local thrift store may have been a bit on the shallow side of my happy moments today.

May I add, though, that it was only $6...

Yep!

That is a definite UP people, definitely UP.

I also got a cool vintage-y leather bomber jacket for $5


My deep happiness came from the service of Lindsey to, not just my kids, but to me. (For those of you slightly new to the blog: Lindsey is our friend and caregiver for our kids and has been for over 2 years.)

While I was out enjoying time with Marc looking for great deals, Lindsey was with my kids at home helping them clean the entire house, encouraging and helping them to make their beds and even ventured into the laundry room and went through the clean clothes and sorted them and folded them and put them all away!

I can't explain to you how deeply happy that made me. It relieved some of the overwhelming-ness I had been feeling for the last while to have something done that I didn't have to find the time to do.

I have been wanting/trying to get my house cleaned and it just keep falling by the side as I get other priorities fixed. I even had set aside today as a cleaning day. So when I came home to a clean house I was able to do some of the little things like sorting through Baby's clothes that are too small and getting them ready to give to my sister, Kirsten, scrubbing my toilets with a pumis stone (hard water is not fun), reorganizing my kitchen and getting my stove cleaned. I even was able to get more laundry done because the clean clothes had been put away.

I didn't even tell her how much I appreciated all this because I didn't even realize it had all been done until after she had left for home.

I don't know if she was inspired to help me out today or was inspired to teach the kids more skills... either way, I know she was inspired and I'm thankful she followed her prompting to serve today.

It made for a lot better play date for Sister when her friends from her class came for the first time today. Because it was the first time to be here, their mom stayed and chatted with me and it was good to talk with her and get to know Sister's sweet little friends.

That was the other deep happiness was watching Sister's complete and total excitement when her friends came to the door... sure it was aggravating and a little annoying to listen to her for the 2 hours before they came,

"When are they coming?"

"Why aren't they here yet?"

"What time is it?"

"They're never gonna come!"

"Is the timer done yet?"

"When will the timer go off?"

"Do they know where we live?"

"Are they coming?"

"How much longer?"

"An hour!?"

"55 minutes!?"

"Mooooooooommmmmm!!!"

Yep, even with all that for a full, solid, straight two hours and sporadically since 6am this morning, I still found deep happiness in seeing her so happy to have her friends from her class come to her house. Then my happiness went even deeper as I listened to and watched her have the time of her life with her buddies. It was so sweet and memorable.

So there you have it, the deep and the shallow.

Today I was lucky to experience both.

Frozen Face

Man!

I didn't make the time to blog yesterday.

I know, I know, you all don't know what to do with yourselves when you don't have a new post to read...

Ha ha!

Anyway, yesterday was the day we actually took down the Christmas tree and all the Christmas decorations.

Sister didn't cry or anything. She even helped take the ornaments off the tree.

It felt so good to get things cleaned up and almost back to normal.

I say "almost" because we got all the stuff taken down, but now the boxes that contain it all are sitting, stacked my front room and kitchen.

*sigh*

I guess I just need to be grateful that it just needs to be carried out to the garage now.

Later in the afternoon we packed up the kids and ourselves and we headed down to visit with Marc's parents.

Lynne had food ready for us and even made a separate meal for the kids that she was hopeful they would eat.

It was nice, but a little disheartening as we talked with Lynne to find out that her health isn't doing the best it could be. It's not fun to see those you love get sick and not feel themselves.

Let's just face it. Watching your parents get old sucks!

But, there was a memorable UP that day when Lynne asked me to cut her hair. I really didn't have to do much cutting as I was just cleaning up a cut she already had but wasn't happy with. So, anyway, we started to trimming up her hair and she started telling me stories like when she very first cut her hair as a kid and then the time after she was married and cut her hair really short. It was quite daring of her, because it was in a day and age when not many women had short pixie cuts. In fact, it was cute because she told me that when she was a kid and had her hair cut short that the person who cut short hair was actually a Barber. When she was 23 she had had her hair cut for a change of style but the lady who cut her hair didn't seem to understand how much of change she needed. So, I think she said, the next day she was walking by a salon that advertised cuts and she went in and asked for the Sassoon cut... from what she described it was sort of the style that had been worn by Audrey Hepburn. She said she was so happy that day and it felt so good to have it short. It was just how she wanted it.

After talking and cutting we cleaned up the hairy mess I had made and she went to clean off to see how the cut would look.

My UP was when Lynne came down to join the rest of us while watching family home movies and she had a huge smile on her face. She said, "This is the cut I had when I was 23!"

It made me so happy to know that I had brought happiness to her and that I knew exactly the story she was referring to.

After our little celebration of a great home haircut we all gathered round and watched a home movie I had put together years ago of our time in Montana and Glacier National Park and family vacation. It felt so good to run through old memories and just remember the good times.

My other UP was when we finished the movie, Gary told me that he was so grateful for all the photos I had taken over the years and put to video to enjoy.

It was just nice to know, that for an in-law, I'm not too bad. (wink) I had done some good things and I really needed to hear that.

One of the other things was when Baby came in to announce to Lynne and Sister that she was, "Frozen" when she showed them the artwork of cherry chapstick she had drawn on her face.

She has been saying that a lot lately when she gets into my lipstick and puts it on her face like make-up. I guess "Frozen" is her princess of choice (Elsa from Frozen).

The plastered eye brows are what crack me up! Check those puppies out!

Oh my goodness I love this girl!

She even had her "Elsa" cape 

But the best part is the fact that she has now lost 2 teeth and the new ones are starting to pop up so it just adds to the hilarity of her smile.

...

Oh ya, I forgot to tell you she has lost 2 teeth. Finally. She's a late one for around here because Sister and Brother had lost have of their teeth by the time they were 5.

Funny thing about Baby is that we don't know where her lost teeth went...

so I guess, they are literally lost teeth...

hee hee!

Today we went to my parents house and I cooked the turkey for the meal in the dutch oven. It turned out well and that was a good thing. Plus it's always fun to see my siblings, I just love them!

My UP was actually quite simple and a little childish, but my brother had brought his remote control helicopter to show us and it was fun to watch and it was good to see him smiling like a kid too. The crazy part was when the helicopter got a bit out of control and flew safely between Yaya and Millie on the trampoline. We all screamed in unison thinking they were going to get hurt while the girls were just grinning with amazed excitement as the wind from the propellers blew their hair back. Luckily we could laugh about it because no one was hurt. I just love how innocently happy children are.

My nephew, Zac, has Fragile X Syndrome like my kids. Being around him often reminds me of my kids when they were little like him. I love that he comes to me knowing that I will give him some sensory input by giving him squishes and wrestling him a bit. It was so fun to hear his giggle and to be reminded of how easy it once was to carry little ones in my arms to make them happy.

Our kids are so big now that it makes for a VERY wearing session of sensory.

During that time with Zac I am also reminded of some of the challenges that are behind me.

Sometimes I think it gets easier as they get older, but I have been reminded lately that it doesn't necessarily get easier having older kids with special needs, but maybe I just get more used to my life... maybe I just get wiser and my nerves get longer.

Days 17 and 18 of 365 days of UP

Pink or Blue?

I should have followed my gut instinct and blogged my UP as soon as it happened.

I thought, "I should blog about this before something rotten happens so that I don't have to focus so hard on the day to find the good."

But, I didn't do it.

I waited.

I had good reason to.

I was working... as a designer, photographer and mom.

I do wish, though, that I would have just taken that little bit of time to write down how awesome play rehearsal was today.

When I was in the Addam's Family Musical I was at rehearsal at least 10 hours a week! There was a lot of dancing, singing, choreography and fun! We got so close as a cast. We spent so much time together.



It was such a great "out" for me.

I couldn't wait to do another play!

When I was cast in "Pinkalicious" back in December I was expecting the same amount of time to be taken out of my days.

I think I have had 3 rehearsals so far and they have only been 30 minutes to an hour.

But, today my practice time really kicked in and we had a 2 hour day of choreography and it was a blast!!! I was reminded again of how much I LOVE acting, making new friends and just letting my inner theater geek shine!

I have to admit that when I never got a call back about being in the Night of Broadway that I tried out for last week, I was pretty deflated.

I was proud of myself for putting myself out there and trying.

It just knocked me down a bit...

until today when I was able to just have a blast dancing and singing with friends, laughing and chatting with the director and joking with the choreographer and stage manager.

Then, I was OK with not being cast in the Broadway thing-y... sort of... I still need to regain all my confidence (wink).

I'll go watch the Broadway tribute, learn what they do, then try out again next year.

In fact I am thinking about trying out for another play tomorrow... I'm just thinking about it though. Not sure if I have the courage yet. It's just a straight play, no musical, but it's an Agatha Christie mystery, "Then There Were None." I get to audition with a British accent so why not, right? We'll see.

Anyway, soon after my amazingly fun morning of rehearsal I had to take care of a situation that has been deeply affecting one of our kids.

It's really distressing to have to fight so hard to keep your kids safe from harm in all its forms, but it's also a relentless and emotional process to have to relive it all in detail in order to explain the needs for your child to each person involved.

It was a 30-40 minute long conversation that ended with me in tears, pleading for the advocacy of my child.

This is where mental impairment gets really tough.

We have enough to deal with from the syndrome itself and all the challenges that come with parenting, but to place the negative outside affects of the world on top of all of it can be VERY discouraging and disheartening.

Thank goodness for Wendy's on days like today!

I couldn't even get myself emotionally calmed down enough to make a dinner for my kids.

The good thing about getting dinner for the kids was a good sign that I was going on a date with Marc tonight and would be able to have a stress-free dinner out with our friends. It was a nice double date and we ended the evening with a funny movie on Netflix and I was once again reminded of my UP time today. (Laughter truly is the best medicine!)

I'm so grateful for those times—be they 10 minutes or 10 hours—those times are my life line.

Literally.

I am so grateful that the Lord, knowing I would deal with depression my whole life would give me a reason to get up and move forward each day.

A reason to pull myself out of my depression stupor and keep me moving forward for the sake of some one else.

I have been blessed with a family who desperately needs me.

I have to be there for them.

I know that.

If I don't do it, who will?

It has been said that if we will but lose ourselves in the service of others that is when we find ourselves.

I know, from experience, that if I let myself fall too far that even selflessness cannot bring me out of depression. But, if I, continually, every day, every moment, focus on the UPs, the greats, the happies, the fantastics or the minimally satisfactories I can keep those as my momentum to keep moving forward. I just can't let myself fall to far back.

There is a method to my madness, an understands to my UPs and a system to my sympathies.

It's all to keep myself just that much further from falling of the edge into the lonely and sad abyss of depression.

Happiness is a choice.

God gave me 3 children with special needs.

I could complain to him every day for giving me such a trial and on top of that trial, many, many others.

I could have chosen to be blue today.

I chose PINK. I chose to let my happy moments, like rehearsing for a sweet little play called "Pinkalicious," rule my day's outcome.

What choice will you make today and tomorrow?

Day 16 of 365 Days of UP

Tools to help me with Our Life

So I had this wonderful plan to start blogging in the mornings while kids are at school and Marc is at work so that I didn't take away time with my family.

It was a good plan.

I just forget how many things I have to do during the day.

So, I guess instead of yesterday, or this morning, I get to tell you about my yesterday's UPs today!

So, Sister's friend Ben, that she met last week, gave me some great information yesterday and it just made me so happy that I just have to share it.

Let me preface this by saying that I do know a lot about my kids and Fragile X Syndrome, but I don't know everything, and I certainly don't always have the time, patience or sanity to apply it.

Picture schedules are wonderful tools for my kids.

I have a lot of picture schedules. I get on a "good mom" kick and pull them out and have everything so organized and planned and life goes pretty smoothly... then, I just forget about them or something because I haven't brought out the picture schedules or picture stories since last summer!

Part of not getting that going is that I need some new pictures, new processes and new ways to approach issues.

Ben told me about this awesome site that will save me so much time! Maybe I'll actually stay on top of it now since I've found a helpful resource.

It's called...

drum roll please...

Wikihow

Yup.

You can type in anything that you need to know HOW to do and it has something there for you. So, now when I need to have a picture schedule for my kids to follow on making a bed it breaks it down into steps instead of just one lump of, "Make your bed." Because as moms of children with special needs all know, you have to break tasks down into small steps so they can learn each step and become, hopefully, independent.

AND, I was also introduced to the land of social stories on YouTube!

Here's one so you get the idea:



I cannot explain how much this relieves me to know all the help I have access to and that I don't have to create every ounce of it on my own.

It will save me so much time and frustration.

I also learned about social scripting.

Genius, that stuff!

So I am happy because I feel like I just might be able to get some more things together for my kids without feeling too overwhelmed.

As for today, I am happy because I was finally able to take Ranger out for a nice, long walk around the neighborhood. I had no sick kids at home from school and I was feeling well enough to be out in the Utah cold. I was just so happy to be outside again. It was even quite a pretty day with the sunshine making the leftover snow look like glitter.

No time...

I have no time to write today and I had such a fantastic day!!!

Ha ha! Look... my hand looks humongous!

The only low is that I have so much great stuff to write about and so no time...

OK.

I have time.

But, I'm going to go spend some time with my husband without the glow of my laptop in the bedroom while he sleeps.

I think he would appreciate that.

I just have to let my hubby take precedence over blogging once in a while...

What's a girl to do.

(wink)

I'll write tomorrow morning.

Good night

Day 14 of 365 Days of UP

Autism? Get tested for Fragile X.

If you start talking to me about Fragile X Syndrome and you get really interested, it's likely that I'll throw this line in there at some point, "If you have someone who has Autism in your family you should have them tested for Fragile X. It's a blood test."

Yep.

That's what I say.

Sometimes I even inform them that 1 in 151 women are carriers of the syndrome.

Once in a while I add, "Yep, and I got lucky on the 50/50 chance, three times!"

I don't know if very many people ever heed my advice or even find what I have to say intriguing, but maybe they would be more inspired if they listened to Katie Couric do a Yahoo News spot about it...

Hey! Guess what!

She did!

That's one of my UPs today and is the only one I have time to share with you. So, Facebook friends, sorry for the overload on our exciting news coverage, but hey! It's exciting news coverage!

Go watch it by clicking HERE

Oh, and as a little happy side note, Brother watched the news spot with me and he was so excited to be hearing about "his" stuff and was excited that the boy featured in the story looked like him... I love that kid, he's so happy about his life!

Just throwing in a happy picture from his canyoneering trip this summer!

I'll have more UPs to share tomorrow...

I'm sure of it!

Day 13 of 365 Days of UP

The Light in Her Eyes

I think it was when the creaking of her rocking horse stopped that I noticed Baby's interest in our lesson for Family Home Evening tonight.

She rocked through the opening prayer, and paused for the opening song, but it was when the video started that she totally got off her rocking horse and came to sit right in front of my laptop.



I loved seeing the light of the screen reflecting into her blue eyes.

She wanted to watch another one.

Brother, seeing her intrigue, became interested also and had to turn of the lights in her bedroom where we had gathered to add to the "movie" feel of our FHE lesson.

I didn't watch the second film at all. It was about working in the Lord's vineyard, but all I watched was the sweet, angelic faces lit by the cool glow of the computer screen.

In two minutes the lights were back on and craziness returned for our closing song and prayer.

But, for those few minutes during the sweet videos about Jesus Christ's life, I felt like a good mom.

I have taught them of Christ and I could see their love for Him.

Definitely an UP.

Day 12 of 365 days of UP

This is it.

Today is just simple.

I am so thankful for my family, my life and my testimony.

That's all.

If you want to be UPlifted and enlightened you can go here.

If you just want to see a picture of simply happy me... you're in luck:

Day 11 of 365 Days of UP

I want to find treasure!

This day was just a blur of feeling a bit sick on top of catching up with work and house chores.

My "up" for today was listening to Sister talk to daddy tonight about the adventures she wants to go on. She exclaimed, "I want to find treasure!" (She's been watching a lot of the Neverland Pirates on Netflix lately.) She wants to find treasure in Florida or Oklahoma! (That just made me giggle... Marc did too... unless guys don't giggle, then, I guess he chuckled.) She wants to find gold so that daddy can have a castle, mommy can be a queen, Brother can be a Prince, Joslin a princess and she would be a soldier! She was very animated in telling us this and continued to get more and more excited as she talked about it.

After she was done illustrating her entire plan with her actions and animated voice, she placed her  hands under her chin, tilted her head and smiled, "I love mommy the best. I love you mommy."

Just what I needed to hear...

Day 10 of 365 Days of UP

Careful the Things You Say...

Children will listen.

I fear that there was some time today that I thought there was no way I was going to be able to post anything positive about the day.

I'm trying so hard to be positive through the tough times, but this week has been especially rough and today was no different.

Baby was up a lot last night, therefore, so was I.

She has these night terrors.

They are awful.

It's like they are screaming out for help or just had a horrible nightmare but there is nothing you can do to wake or console her.

We went through this same thing with both Sister and Brother so we have learned over the years that you just need to be in the room to give a comforting voice but that is all you can do until they calm themselves. It's really not fun to watch.

So after that it is a little bit emotionally draining having to listen to your child writhe in what seems like fear and pain and then it is physically draining because you haven't had much restful sleep. But, I still have to be up at 6:30 am to get my kids ready for school.

Remember, Brother doesn't just get up on his own, get ready and eat breakfast to head out to the bus on time. I have to be there to facilitate the entire routine.

Then I had decided that I would let Baby sleep in and take her to school late so she could have some more rest.

After Sister was off to school I had to carry/wrestle/backbend Joslin into the car in a blubbering mess so I could get her to school. (I felt like blubbering since this was all I had seemed to be doing all week was pushing fighting children into the car.)

I then came home in a crumpled and defeated heap and motivated myself to do some things and during that time I had realized that I had forgotten about another doctor's appointment that had been scheduled months ago for baby today at 4:30.

I decided, because of this, I was in even greater need for a date with my hubby. So, I planned to start a fantastical date when we got back from the doctor, which I figured a safe time to start would be 6:30...

After a late start I got Baby, again in a carried/wrestled/backbend, into the car and we were off for her medicine checkup.

Then we got there:

This was after the production it took to weigh her and get her height... 

thank me that it was only 7 seconds. 

I had recorded this to make Marc feel sorry for me...

This is how I was able to calm her after a traumatic 30-minute fall-apart—rubbing her tummy and repeating, "It's OK."

We waited a LONG time to have a LONG visit.

I was anxious (not to mention frazzled) because I was 30 minutes away from home and the clock was ticking closer to 6:30 and it looked as though my relaxing and fun night out was going to be delayed a bit.

Long story short, by the time I got home it was 30 minutes later than I had planned, Marc wasn't ready to go and I felt like I was going to fall into pieces on the floor.

I got mad at Marc for not being ready even with me being late and I continued to grumble about the house about how mad I was about him not be ready to go when I got home and how I felt like he didn't care about us going out and I was just getting more and more upset.

When Lindsey got here to be with the kids I put on the happiest face I could muster and said my thanks to her and started out the door while saying goodbye to the kids. Brother stopped me with a smirk on his face showing that he was going to make a funny and he said, "Have an awful time on your date, Mother." I chuckled guiltily and went out to the car.

I felt bad for a moment that I had, in my resentment and frustration, shown my kids that I was going to have a horrible time on my date...

But my feel-bads didn't feel bad very long as Marc began to talk about his day and was getting more resentful thinking of all I had been through and how badly I wanted this date to be my "out" and my saving grace for the day. I was so sure that my date was going to be blogged as my "up" for the day and now there was no way I even had an oomph to have "up."

As we sat in the restaurant waiting to be seated I was getting more and more intense. Marc was clearly trying to make things better by making small talk and trying to get me to get back to my happy self, but it wasn't working.

Maybe my blood sugar was low or something because once we started eating I was easing up on my anger a bit, but still feeling like and elephant had stomped on my parade.

After dinner Marc thought it would be fun to go "sample" ice cream and yogurt and the local Fro-Yo shop and that got my spirits up a bit as I tried the tart tasting yogurts and then we decided to splurge and get dessert too.

Then I was un-mad enough to want to go see a movie I have been wanting to see since I saw it preview: "Into The Woods."

I never would have thought that this movie would be my motivation for writing tonight.

Have you ever seen the play, "Into The Woods?" I haven't.

I've just heard about it.

So I thought I'd at least see the movie.

I really liked it.

Loved it actually.

The music is entrancingly harmonious and intriguingly clever.

But there was one song that brought it all full circle for me.

"Children Will Listen"

This is one of my favorite renditions, and it even has one of my friends from the Addam's Family play I was in. He's the first boy soloist that comes walking forward. Watch... and listen:



So after hearing that song I was reminded of Brother's comment before I left home,
"Have an awful time on your date, mother."

I do have to be careful the things I say.

Our children will listen.

So, my up for today was that I learned from my son the importance of my words.

Day 9 of 365 days of UP