Living in the Hive State

I'm not talking about Utah.

I am talking about living with hives! Ya! Have you ever heard of hives from stress?

Ya, well, I am one of those lucky candidates for hives during high stress.

Gee, I don't know why I am stressed...

They are going away and are not near as bad as they have been in the past. Just enought to make my skin crawl.

Anyway. Some funny things:

This morning Sister was looking at one of her favorite books. It is a Christmas book that her Sunbeam teachers made and gave to her last year. She loves it. In fact she carries around Brother's too because he had the same teachers and this must be a tradition they give their Sunbeam Class at Christmas. Anyway, she was pointing to a picture of Mary and Joseph and said, what I thought was, "Angel." Now Sister doesn't always speak clearly so sometimes it is hard to decipher what she says. She looked up at me and said it again but, this time I realized she was saying, "Jessie 'n Joel." Oh, she thought these cute little characters depicting Mary and Joseph looked like my sister and brother-in-law.

Brother last night really didn't want to read his homework book (as usual). I kept trying everything to get him to read. Well, finally I had to nurse Baby and asked him to come sit on the couch by me and read to me. He was NOT really happy about the reading but, he was excited to sit by Baby. He was trying very hard and getting very frustrated. He kept clenching his fists, scrunching his eyes and saying, "Oooh!" whenever he came to a word he didn't know. He would quickly move on as I helped him with it. When he finished the book he said,"See mom." And going by his body language what he was telling me was, "See mom, that wasn't so hard." Tee hee! Oh, give me patience.

Baby hates the elephant mask now and keeps trying to push it away. When I get up in the night to give her a breathing treatment she hears the motor go on and she startles with her arms flailing. Poor thing. She will probably be one of those that I have to check for monsters under the bed after all this.

Baby is improving, finally, today. We started her on an antibiotic for pneumonia because the doctor was concerned about her 101.5 temperature even after Tylenol and a breathing treatment—so I think that is helping. Her skin isn't sinking into her ribs today, she is eating more, and doesn't look so gray. Her eyes are still a little reddened and her demeanor is more melancholy. She is on the mend, though.

I try everyday to focus on my three kids here at home. But, my heart still aches for the two that are gone. I know it would be easier if I were still an integral part of their lives or even if they could play with Brother, Sister and Baby once in a while, but, well... I guess I'll just have to survive.

Sister is beginning, I think, to understand that 18 and 13 don't live here anymore. She was explaining to someone the other day that, "13 stays at Grandma's. He not here. He at Grandma's. Ya, 13's at Grandma's."

Brother gets so excited when 13 comes once in a while to use my computer for homework that he can't even be in the same room with him. He goes outside or downstairs. Then after 13 is gone, Brother comes in wondering where he went. I guess Brother just doesn't know how to deal with his absence and so he just runs from it...

I try not to complain on this blog, really, I do. I am trying to stay in good spirits. I pray often—sometimes fervently sometimes not. I try not to lose faith. I prayed so hard not to have to give up 18 and 13 but, in the end it was not my prayers that were answered. Instead I have been given something else to learn from.

I just wish that for a time, I could just have the pain be gone so that I could focus whole-heartedly on what I have here at home.

OK, my hives are acting up again... so onto a lighter note. Hmmm. Let's see. Ah yes... I just watched "Peter Pan" last night and was reminded to think happy thoughts to be able to fly. Isn't that truly great advice for life. If we think happy thoughts, make goals, be positive we can soar. But, not without pixie dust, or, in our case, Heavenly Father. We will fly to new heights with happy thoughts and His guidance. Ah, yes, that is how I wanted to end this post.

I found this image at this site http://daymix.com/Peter-Pan/