It was a rough day...

Note to all caregivers and parents of Brother:

Do not let him put on his own sunscreen.

I'm pretty sure he beat the sun today! Ha! Just had to laugh when I saw these.

But I laughed even harder when I saw the picture showing that he was sharing his sunscreen... he's such a flirt!

I'm glad I had that laugh because I had a rough day.

Not the whole day, just enough of the crumby to make the whole day seem ... not so UP.

I picked up the kids from summer camp and decided that I would take them to get some milk and stuff at the grocery store.

Why do I never learn?

I am eternally optimistic.

To a fault.

Maybe.

I only had to chase Baby for the first moments as she tried darting through the parking lot and then once she got in the store she was happy to follow her siblings.

Of course, we had to pick up some salt and vinegar chips for Brother.

Then they saw the donuts and we had to get those.

We were so close to the milk.

But the toy aisle came first.

I was fine with that.

I went and got the milk.

Then I went to get the kids.

Brother and Sister were good to come with, but Baby had discovered Princess Cadence from "My Little Pony."

At that point I knew that this was going to cost me 20 dollars or 20 bruises.

I chose the latter.

Lessons are hard to learn for both the parent and the child.

I can't explain to you the anxiety and frustration that coincide with a child who is melting down in public. When they are screaming and you are carrying them over your shoulder like a potato sack and they are wriggling and kicking all the while so that it takes superhuman flexibility and strength to even keep yourself from falling over as you push the cart to the front of the store while your other kids are starting to melt because they are overwhelmed by the screaming of their sibling hanging over their mother's shoulder. Then there's the checker that doesn't know what to do or say so they just go about their routine and asks, "How are you today?" I laughed and chuckled, "great!" sarcastically.

I still don't know how I made it through checking out all while wrestling Baby and trying to keep calm so that my other two kids don't start feeding off of my frustration.

We get out of the checkout line and Sister turns to me, shows me a stupid blue baby bottle pop thing, and asks, "Who got this?"

Exasperated and frustrated I responded that I had no idea and that I guess it ended up in our stuff somehow.

Brother proudly pipes up and confesses that he put it in on the belt to be purchased.

For a moment before I felt myself starting to fall apart I thought of the Disney princess cashier from yesterday and imagined how much better this experience would have been if she was checking my groceries on a day like today.

Then I snapped at Brother, stuck his stupid bottle candy in my purse and told him that was wrong to take advantage of me being distracted with his sister to sneak in candy.

So he started crying.

Baby was still crying and all the while I am still trying to wrangle her so that we can at least get out of the store.

I got to the car and wrestled Baby into her seat, tried to calm Sister before she started melting down from all the commotion and assured Brother that I still love him even thought he did something wrong.

Brother and Baby both continued to wail as I put the groceries in the car while people passed by wondering what tragedy had just hit the local mini-van.

That experience just brought me down.

It doesn't take much sometimes.

Just that one little sock that tips over the pile of laundry.

I'm just in this weird place where I feel like I am mourning all over again.

We've just hit this place where it is hitting us again all the things our kids don't, can't, and won't do and we are getting more and more scared everyday as we are reminded just how far behind Baby really is.

On Tuesday at the pool there was a lady who mistook Baby to be 3 years old. I didn't have the heart or the emotional strength to explain that she was an almost 6 year old with Fragile X Syndrome. I just smiled and laughed with her and then proceeded to chase Baby down before escaping.

It's tough that when you tell people that your kids are actually quite high functioning for kids with FXS and the look at you in surprise and shock and it makes you feel like they're thinking, "Really? They don't seem high functioning to me."

Anyway, so my UP today was that I was able to smile when I saw Brother covered in his sunscreen at his own doing... but sometimes my UPs can be downs, like when I was also reminded when I saw the picture that my 15 year old cannot put sunscreen on right.

It's the little things... and sometimes the little things are great and sometimes the little things are the hardest...

I'll keep trying to focus on the UPs.

Day 197 of 365 Days of Up