I have to post this

while I am still in the moment...

(I have much to catch up on, but, I didn't want to forget how I feel.)

What a wonderful day this was! I went to Costco with my in-laws and my kids and spent much money on food. Had to nurse Baby in the car once and in front of lots of people sitting at an open food court with no chair back behind me. Sister spilled her drink, Brother wouldn't eat his pizza. Went to Ross and let each kid have a cart. Sister's cart fell on her twice while she was trying to climb on it. Everyone in Ross knew Brother and Sister's name as I had to call them several times in order to get their blue carts back to where I was. (I am thinking, flags and racing stripes would be great for the carts my kids were "driving.")

So what was so great about this day?

18.

Ya! You read it right.

18.

She voluntarily came with me, Brother, Sister, and Baby to our house!

I was making dinner while we talked in the kitchen. I forgot ingredients, mistook directions, burned the first batch of scones, burnt my finger and got oil on my new shirt.

All because she was there talking to me!

I was flustered.

She would giggle when I told her how excited I was that she wanted to spend time with me. Seriously! I would stop in the middle of the kitchen and do a little skip every once in a while just to get out my happiness! She laughed.

I told her she answered my prayers.

I didn't tell her this part, but, I have been praying so hard to understand the atonement—trying to let Christ carry my burden for me. Finally I prayed so hard because I can't keep being rejected when I try so hard to show her I care. I asked him to please help me make it through. And, whattayaknow? She comes over and we laugh and talk and watched a movie together.

We watched "Blind Side." Superb movie. Highly recommend that you own it. I want to buy it. I borrowed it from some good friends to watch.

I have to admit though, (spoiler alert coming now...) that when she gets to see him graduate... I bawled the first time I saw it. I completely fell apart. Why? Because I have had the opportunity to raise kids and then they leave right when I get to see all my hard work come to fruition. It was tough for me to see that, realizing that I just sit silently in the wings, convincing myself, "I did that. They know I helped them get to this point." All just to keep myself from regretting.

Tonight,
I let Him take that burden.

I know I did what I could. And sometimes, not even my best. But, I dang well tried. It will just have to be good enough.

Tonight,
I realized she still loves me.


I know, I will always be her mom

in my heart.



Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing my life with so many wonderful experiences.

Thank you to my family and friends who pray for me and my family and my kids.

Tonight, my prayers were answered.