Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Her First

She is one!!! Time has flown! I still remember bringing her home like it was just yesterday.

She started crawling on her birthday she has gotten pretty sufficient at it, to the point of actually moving kind of fast. I still have yet to get it on film.

But, I do have a video of her eating her cake.

Here are some things I want you to notice in this video:

—She gets upset when we are singing "Happy Birthday" to her (this happens to a lot of kids with FXS for one reason or other, and apparently she decided to be anxious about it on the first go 'round)

—She is really tired, yet, really hungry for cake

—She stuffs her mouth (this is also a typical FXS thing — notice how her fingers are in her mouth, it's so she can feel where it is...)

—She's flipping the bird while eating the cake at one point

—My brother, Aaron and Baby share the same birthday so the next day we went to my mom's to celebrate some more (she wasn't really happy about us trying to get a picture of the two birthday kids together)

The song I used for the video is called "All the Pennies" by Mindy Gledhill

OK, I think that's it. Enjoy!

My deep thoughts: When I was pregnant with Baby I was scared.

The normal scared a mom gets when she is pregnant.

Will she make it? Will she be OK? Am I eating enough? How much tuna fish should I eat so her brain will develop well?


It was: What if she has Fragile X? What if I can't handle 5 kids (because I still had 13 and 18 living with me at the time)?

A good friend of mine told me that she knew Baby was coming to our home for a good reason and would bless our home. I thought that it was very thoughtful of her to say that and deep inside I hoped that meant that she wouldn't have FXS and that she would bring our family close together. Toward the middle of the pregnancy we, as a family, were all doing so well. 13 and 18 were really becoming enmeshed in the family and calling us Mom and Dad and Brother and Sister.

It was heavenly.

Then it happened. My world was turned upside down and I could feel that our kids (13 and 18) would be leaving to live with their birth parents...

Baby came early when the stress got hard.

I fought, for a time, to keep 13 and 18. Finally knew I had to give them back to their parents.

Then I was confused about the consolement my friend had given me about Baby being a blessing to our home. While gaining one I had lost two in the process.

Brother and Sister still have such a hard time with the whole thing. They still don't fully understand why their "brother and sister" had to leave. They still think that they will be "coming home." How do you explain all of this to children who are still learning how to understand their feelings?

Moral: I see now, what my friend had told me about Baby. She was always a joy, but, I am finally, truly, understanding that "Baby [came] to our home for a good reason and [blesses] our home." She has kept me together. Her smiles fill my heart when I am down. She has brought a new sense of companionship to the kids. I don't know how to really explain it, but, watching my three kids grow up together, teach each other, help each other, play together, and... even... fight... it makes me happy. To be their mom. To know that Heavenly Father sent our little angel at a time that our family would need her spirit to help us through hard times. So sweet.

Baby, you are a blessing!

We love you!

Happy Birthday!

9 remarks:

Mariah said...

Fragile children can touch you heart differently. They carry with them a daily reminder of what a gift life is. I told my sister that I was looking forward to the birth of her little to be born with SMA and though it seemed almost mean to those around that I would say something like that, knowing her older sister with SMA was a gift to our family. Hard. Daunting. Overwhelming. Exhausting. But a gift.

We more easily understood the need, the design of eternity. We called upon God more often than a healthy child would require. We expressed gratitude each day for the little successes and big gifts.

In other words, the experience changed, and continues to change our family for the better. Watching your family inspires me the same way.

I love ya friend.

Mariah said...

Oh -- Happy Birthday baby! (Whisper it to her -- don't sing it.) O.k.? :)

Bonnie said...

It's so hard to see the big picture sometimes, during the day-to-day struggles. Baby is clearly such a blessing though, what a happy little girl!

Paola said...

Happy Birthday Baby! It wouldn't be the same without you!

ReimFam said...

Happy Birthday Baby! Birthday #1 is so fun!

Aaron said...

We love the video. How cute! Every baby born on the 23rd of October is simply amazing:) And baby doesn't dissapoint!

Rochelle said...


Aaron and Megan said...

What a sweet post! She is a doll. I can't imagine the heart ache of letting go of 13 and 18. You are a great example.

candace said...

I think that we are sent special blessings in our lives when Heavenly Father feels that it is time, sometimes when least expected. As you know, I have also been blessed with a little miracle soon to arrive in our family this spring. It was meant to be, and we are so excited! Baby was sent here for a reason, and I bet you cannot imagine life without her. We alljust love her!