Highlights and Lows

This is the best I have to show you for now, just a picture from my computer cam. It isn't drastic, but I LOVE it!!!! It is just the thing I needed. Not to mention, I REALLY enjoyed having 2 hours of me time. Ahh. It was fantastic. 

Baby wanted to get in on the action. Man, I love that girl.

This is her hugging my face. 

So later on that day, after the kids got home from school, I left my sick husband to rest while I took the kids to my mom's house for fun.

Grandpa James had told Brother about a toy horse barn that Grandma Judy got at a yard sale. Brother has been anxious to see it.

Well, it is a pretty awesome toy barn. Wow! So of course after my mom saw Brother's reaction she just had to let him have it. I really wish she would have let me see it first so that I could have saved it for Christmas... it is that cool.

Anyway, just before we were leaving my mom's house my sister, Kirsten, called. She wanted me and my parents to be on the phone to talk to her.

I knew why.

You see, Kirsten has been waiting for the test results to find out if her little Melly (nickname) has Fragile X Syndrome or is a carrier.

I think I have been worrying/thinking more about it that they have... maybe. You see, when you are the first person in your family to find out that your family genetics carry a syndrome you feel like it's all your fault, as if after you, anyone else who has children affected by it, it is because you found out about it first.

The blood test takes 4 weeks to get results.

Every time Kirsten would call me with a question about Melly I would try to stay calm but, all the while analyzing whether or not that certain trait might be a FXS thing or a "normal" thing.

So when she wanted to talk to all three of us at once I knew what she was going to tell us about.

The test results.

I knew before she said it, because I didn't hear any tears or worry.

Just relief.

"We got the results back today for the Fragile X test and she is not a carrier and she does not have the full mutation," Kirsten informed us.

We all at once shouted with joy and celebration.

Immediately after hearing that, Brother ran in with bright eyes and a big smile and said, "Does she have Fragile X like me?"

My first thought was, "How did he know we were talking about Melly's results?" and my second reaction was, "Oh no, did he just hear us celebrating that she doesn't have Fragile X?"

I calmly told him, "No, Brother, Melly does not have Fragile X Syndrome like you."

He responded with a very disappointed look on his face and said "NO!"

I guess with our celebration he thought we were laughing or maybe it was his way of dealing with it, but, he kept telling Grandma Judy that it wasn't funny.

I wanted to cry but, I couldn't.

I was happy for Kirsten to not have this challenge to face.

I was sad for Brother that he wouldn't have that common ground with Melly that he always thought he would have. Even from the very start he has been so drawn to Melly... he must have known the possibility of her having FXS like him.

After I got off the phone so that I could talk to him and console him he looked at me and said, "But, mom isn't Kirsten a carrier?"

I was amazed that he even caught onto this.

He is SO MUCH SMARTER than I sometimes realize.

We explained to Brother that he, Sister and Baby were the only ones in the family who had this special trait. He seemed to be OK to know he was so special that there was only 3 of them in the family.

I am starting to cry while I am typing this.

I don't really know why.

Maybe there was a small part of me that wanted Kirsten to be able to fully understand and relate to my world. But, I feel awful for thinking that. And then I feel awful for thinking that it is awful to want someone to have a child with Fragile X Syndrome.

I LOVE my kids with all my heart and wouldn't change them for anything.

Even if I would have known before they were born I would NEVER have terminated the pregnancy. I know there is a reason why they are here.

But, I will tell you, while you are the one in the middle of it all, it is very hard.

I am so blessed to have the opportunity to have these 3 children in my life. I can only hope that they feel blessed having me in their lives.

It's hard.

It's one of those bittersweet moments.

I am SO HAPPY for Kirsten, yet, so sad for Brighton.

I know he will move on and forget about it and it will never be any major issue again.

I guess, for me, I will never forget the moment of seeing his sad look when he realized that his cousin wasn't like him.

Really, in all this, I do hope my children know, or will one day know, that we are all the same.

We are all children of God.

He loves us no matter what.

And if we know that... well, we know a lot.