My worst nightmare and a little miracle

So on Thursday night I was feeling really sick and was experiencing some painful cramping. We had been swimming and just having a good time so I though maybe I had done too much so I laid down, but I just had this sick feeling there was something wrong with the baby. I realized then that I hadn't felt her move since early that morning and it was now 7pm. I tried not to panic, ate something sugary and then laid down on my left side waiting for any sign of movement... nothing...

I called the hospital labor and delivery and explained the cramping and the not feeling any movement. They told me that I should drink a large glass of orange juice, lay down on my left side and count 10 kicks from the baby in one hour. So I did that, I even waited 2 hours... nothing...

I called them again and they told me that I should come check into the ER and they would admit me to labor and delivery and they would check for a heartbeat.

So, trying not to cry or panic I calmly filled Marc in and then we lied to the kids and told them that I was sick and they just wanted to make sure I was OK, and then we left. The drive was silent until Marc asked what was going through my mind, "Fear, and trying not to think the worst. I hope this is all just a mistake and everything is fine. You know, me being over-the-top worried."

So we get to the ER, do the whole fill out the papers thing. The entrance lady was asking me all kinds of questions and Marc had to keep correcting me because my mind was just elsewhere.

Finally we get up to Labor and Delivery and a nurse quickly admits me to a room and she hooks me up and checks my blood pressure and all that. I am thinking the whole time, "Just check the baby! I am fine! What about my baby!" But, me, being the patient girl that I am just lay there on the table waiting for her to finish her routine.

She puts the thing (whatever that is called) on my belly with all that jelly stuff and she moves it around, she looks at me, nothing... and moves it around some more, nothing... for 10 minutes she tries to find a heartbeat, nothing...

At this point I am just hoping she is a dumb nurse and just can't find the heartbeat. She can see the worry in my eyes and says she is going to go get the doplar. Hmm, I think, that sounds official, we will find it then, nothing...

She leaves the room...

I look at Marc, and I say, "OK, now I am scared." I can feel the tears welling up but, I have this gut feeling that I am just overreacting and all is well.

The nurse comes back in and tells me that she has contacted the doctor and that he has ordered an ultra sound. He also wanted her to tell me that if they don't find a heartbeat that they will send me home and talk about options in the morning—AAAaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! Can we wait to tell me that when we know for sure there is bad news. Now I am really freaking out! Of course on the outside I am still calm, but inside I am terrified!

The ultra sound guy comes in earlier than scheduled—sweetheart—and it takes him a while to hook everything up. Now, picture me laying on the bed, not knowing if my baby is still alive....

....
...


....

Ya! Can we hurry here. I don't want to hear about the fact that they ordered this ultra sound machine only a year ago and yet it still has problems every once in a while and how they wish they could send it back and get a new one, and the whole chit chat and giggling about it being like a stupid computer, ha ha! Let's see the baby already!!!!

He puts the ultra sound on my stomach, nothing... but quickly something, she was just really, really, really low! He said, "Wow, I haven't seen them this low unless they are ready to deliver!"

"Where's the heartbeat?" I ask.

There it is.

That sweet hearbeat.

Oh, I love that sound.

Thank you, thank you, I say over and over again. The ultra sound guy probably thought I was thanking him but, I was thanking the Lord for answering my prayers.

The miracle in all this was that the ultra sound guy took the time to let us watch her. We got to see her yawn while stretching her arm. We got to see her eyes move from side to side, throw her head back and squirm upward to get in a different position. It was miraculous! 21 weeks and 1 day at the time, and it was amazing. She is so real, so alive, so beautiful! I love her already. And now I am noticing EVERY movement and don't take a single one for granted.