Friday, January 22, 2010

teddy bear, piggy and adjusting

I had to post these cute pics of Baby. I had cuddled her up in her blanket on her way home from grandmas and stuck her in the car seat. She looked a little like a pink teddy bear. My dad was so cute, he was holding her up to the light so we could get a cute picture because he thought it was so cute—so I got one of him too. I love my dad!

Then, if any of you know me, you know I LOVE to do hair and the fact that my girls have started off with a little just makes my day. Hence, Baby's first piggy tail. Oh, my word, I just had to giggle. And sorry the angle is weird so her nose looks big, but I love the tongue and the smile! Oh, could she get any cuter!!!

Everyday 4 asks where 13 is... I keep trying to explain... Then a couple of days ago she said, "Mom, you talk to 13. Tell him he has to come home now!" Oooh, tender.

The adjustment will take us a while. I am sure it is a little easier for 13 and 18 because they are with their parents, who they were with their younger years and it is probably just like getting back into the groove. On, our end, my kids (mainly 4) haven't known any different and Baby won't even remember any of it. I had to work a LOT harder to help them feel loved and accepted when they moved in with Marc and me—so much work that I hope still makes a difference. I haven't cried since the day they left but, I have been close many times.

I have called them a couple of times to let them know I love them and to make sure they are happy. I asked 18 if she was glad that I made the decision for them. She said yes, and that she was happy. I hope that I did some good and that I am not just forgotten after a few months, that I am still a part of their lives. 10 loves to go to Grandma's to be able to see 13 and 18 but the times we have been there 18 was gone and one of the nights 13 was gone. I think that he was a little disappointed. But, on the up side: 10 and 4 are sharing a room now and are so happy to be together. They sleep better and they have been obeying better. Maybe I have been able to focus more on them and it makes them feel more loved. I don't know. Marc and I feel like our house is so huge now. We are still trying to clean up and arrange the house after moving out so much stuff and gaining and extra room. I changed 18's room to a guest room that is really set up in hopes that 13 and 18 come to sleep over.

I have had some people ask why I am still calling 13 "13" instead of fourteen since he had his birthday this week. Well, I guess that they will always be 13 and 18 because that is when they left me, and that is how I thought I would keep it on the blog. Who knows, maybe one day I will get brave and put in their names...

Also, some have asked if it was 13's and 18's choice. Yes, and no. It was a tough decision. They had made a life here, new brothers and sisters, a different kind of love and acceptance. Ultimately, I made the decision because I think they couldn't because they were scared to hurt our feelings. When it came down to it, we all knew what needed to happen. It was a good thing, a hard thing, but the right thing. It is what Heavenly Father wanted.

4 remarks:

amyandrandy said...

i love the quote you put on the side, very uplifting. i think you making the decision for them was one of the best choices you could make on so many levels. they depend on you so much i feel like sometimes as parents we are asked to do some tough things and wow, rach, that had to be hard. that really goes to show how much love you truly had for them.

Rochelle said...

Rachael you have affected their lives more than you will ever know and as time goes on they will appreciate you more and more, like we do with our parents. You are an amazing woman, they are lucky to have you. I am so glad they are still close to you, and I am sure their parents are way more nervous about living up to the life you have given them, they are so lucky to be given a second chance to get their kids back. What you did for their family is unthinkable and the sacrifices you made will be remembered forever. I don't know how to say things sometimes, but your amazing!! Love ya tons!!!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your pictures.

Heather said...

The little pig-tailed baby is precious!