Brother's Escalante Escape

I feel bad, but I am going to have to split my UPs for Saturday into more than one post.

1) Because there were so many UPs
2) Because I have decided to choose sleep tonight

So I am going to start with my biggest UP of the weekend.

My biggest UP, was one I wasn't even a part of. I had nothing to do with it. But, because it was a monstrous accomplishment for Brother it automatically topped my UP list.

Marc has been planning this backpack trip to Escalante for a few months now and hoped Brother would come with him. He had been there before so it was familiar.

Brother can be very brave but he can also be very stubborn and sometimes his stubbornness is so stubborn that it makes his backpack trips look a little too hard for him.

Marc and Brother got home on Saturday afternoon after leaving Thursday night. As soon as he was able to get out of the car Brother couldn't stop telling me about his trip. He had had so much fun and was so happy about what he had done and seen.

I was especially proud when Marc informed me that on the way back Brother crossed the rivers on his own without help.

Then Marc showed me the pictures and my tears started to make a brief appearance.

Definitely one of my favorite pictures ever of Marc and Brother

Look at that view!!!

I LOVE that Brother is peeking through his fingers in this picture

Brother carried his own pack and everything! He's growing up so much.

Brother with his cousins, MrT and Jman, he was so happy to be with them

One of the best parts about this trip has been seeing the bond that happened between Marc and our son. It is so sweet and endearing to see how much Brother grew up in 3 days. It make me even more excited for the future.

Day 138 of 365 Days of Up

Just Be Patient

So Many UPs, so little time left to tell you about them.

I'll give you the quick version via pictures.

Don't worry.

Just be patient.

I'll give you all the details.

Promise.

Day 136 of 365 Days of Up

Arm-propped Sleeper

I fell asleep in the oddest position today.

No, really, I did.

I struggle with falling asleep whenever I am sitting down. If I am not moving on my feet it's like my body says, "Mmm. Nap time."

So I was working on some of my photos that I just took recently and I kept nodding off. I was sitting in my chair and my head would start to lean to the side as I got dozy so I just thought, "Oh, I'll just prop my head on my hand and rest my eyes for a minute.

Rest my eyes.

Rest my eyes?

My eyes don't rest. They shut down.

If my eyes are closed, I'm done. Slap some butter on me because I am toast. No eye resting here people. I, my friends, am a dozer, a sleeper, a nodder.

So while just resting my eyes I fell into a deep sleep, but woke with a start. I woke up with drool running down the right side of my mouth an onto my chin and my neck feeling a little kinked.

I had propped my head on my arm and hand that were leaning on the arm of my office chair. My elbow was propped on the chair arm and my hand was bent backwards with my palm up so my face was resting there. Guessing the time, I think I was out for about 15-20 minutes... enough for the drool to make an appearance anyway.

Picture my arm and hand bent into and "L" shape with a bowling ball-weighted head sitting on it for 20 minutes.

My hand felt like it had just been reattached after being severed. You know that tingly feeling you get when you fall asleep on your knees or sit cross-legged too long... that tingly-numb-stinging sensation? Well, this was worse. I kept moving my hand back and for at the wrist because I was intrigued by the strangeness of this feeling.

I actually laughed at myself. Out loud. Alone. In front of a pictured face still staring at me from my computer screen, which, by the way is an interesting way to to wake up. When you wake up after a much needed nap it is always a little unnerving to have a face staring at you 5 inches away from your own face. It makes it a little more comical when you are groggily waking and can't figure out if you are looking at someone for real or in a dream and then you realize they are a computer screen.

Yes, I know, a random bit of happening, but it made me laugh so I hoped it would for you too.

My big UP today was Sister earned her 10th token today. She has been saving up since last week to get 10-token prize. She was so excited and so proud of herself. She had been working toward getting her Lego figure but got excited about some of the other prizes that were in the bag. She eventually settled on taking what she had been working for.

I love it when I have a good parent moment.

Those don't happen as often as I'd hoped, but I guess I'll take it.

Day 135 of 365 Days of Up

Joy in the Journey

I’m sitting here with my laptop at a doctor’s appointment for Brother.

I brought my laptop because I usually end up waiting in the room with my kids for about an hour.

During that hour I am always thinking, “there is so much I could be doing right now and all I can do is sit here in this little blue room until the doctor comes in to see us.

I had to bring Sister with me today too.

She wasn’t happy about that. Not necessarily about having to come with me, but more the fact that I took her from a video she was watching at school.

When I walked into her classroom to get her I was so impressed to see her sitting independently in a chair while watching a movie. I can’t get her to do that at home. I keep trying to sit down with my kids to watch a movie, but it never happens. Sometimes Baby will sit in my lap if she is tired enough. Sister doesn’t usually last longer than 15 minutes, no matter how amazing the movie. Brother typically won’t watch anything that he didn’t choose himself.

Anyway....

(time-passing-collage in fuzzy pictures with music playing the day through, until...)

That's all of what I wrote before the doctor came in.

They found a little entertainment to keep them happy. 

I only waited 40 minutes this time.

This time, though. it was the appointment that seemed so long. There were a lot of questions from the doctor and a lot of long, explanatory answers from me. In talking to the doctor I began realizing how tough life is for Brother and how much I wish I was better at all that I could do to help him.

I had a conversation with someone recently and we were talking about babies and all the stuff that comes along with it. It was mentioned the possibility of this person having a child with special needs and the blessing it would be in their lives.

I don't know, really, what to say to that anymore.

I don't feel like a special mom for having special needs children.

I don't feel like I have more or better blessings than other moms in the world.

I do feel that all mothers feel that their children, no matter what condition they are in, are the greatest blessings they could ever have.

I do feel like raising my children is more of a challenge than others' until I talk to others who have gone through having a child or children with mental illness, fears, addictions, obsessions, quirks and uncontrollable fears.

I do feel like my children are a blessing, but it is hard, sometimes, to see all of it as a blessing.

The true blessing of having children with special needs doesn't just come with the child. I know that that seems like the prettiest fairytale.

The truth is having children with special needs does bring blessings, but you have to stay strong enough to recognize them, embrace them and grow with it. It is up to us, as parents to allow them to bless our lives even when our lives seem too hard to endure through.

The truth is having children with special needs doesn't automatically make you a special parent.

I think we, as humans, compassionate and optimistic humans, always want to have some way of saying, "What you are dealing with is so hard!" and the only way they can say, "I don't want to have to do that because it looks too hard for me," is to say "you are so blessed!"

All parents are blessed.

All of them.

Just some of us have some extra challenges along the way and choosing to see those challenges as blessings is exactly that... a choice.

Sometimes I struggle to make that choice.

Sometimes I just want to scream and yell, "I can't do this anymore! I am not good at this! I am inadequate!"

Then something great happens like a special hug, a certain request voiced in audible words, or seeing your kids enjoy a good joke and suddenly you remember the blessings again.

We can't run from what our lives are, but we sure can run with it and keep moving forward.

I am choosing, consciously, to recognize the blessings of having special needs children in my home.

My UP today is that I am finding joy in the journey!

Day 134 of 365 Days of Up

Un-burned Dinner

I'm exhausted.

I just am.

I think my brain can only handle so many things at a time and then I get overloaded and it makes me exhausted.

Nothing terrible or anything happened today. I just think that the stresses of being a special needs mom, working at home and serving in church are starting to take their toll. I'll be fine if I can just get a nap.

Actually better than a nap, would be a full night's sleep. I'm already up too late for that to happen.

My UP for today was that I got in all my exercise AND walked Ranger! It's not too often I take the time for all of that!

Oh! Another UP is that I didn't burn the chicken tonight!

Ya, I love to cook, but I'm also a forgetful multi-tasked.

Two nights in a row I have burned dinner.

Tonight was the night for on-task cooking.

Funny thing is, though, I didn't even get to eat the dinner I made because I was rushing off to rehearsal.

So, I guess you could say that I had and un-eaten, un-burned dinner...

I did take a yogurt bar and banana to go (smile)

Day 133 of 365 Days of Up

Simple Smile

I can't tell you enough how this goal I made at the beginning of the year of blogging about the "UP" in my day, everyday (well almost) has helped me through some tough times.

I mean, I'm not saying my life is perfect.

No, far from that.

I am just amazed at how focusing on my UPs has kept me focused on the UPs... know what I mean? I'm no longer focusing on the hard things. They're still there and I tell you about them sometimes, but keeping a positive outlook can really make a difference in wanting to move forward each day.

It's not always easy to find the UPs.

You've read them.

Sometimes it's the fact I got my laundry done... really, that should tell you it was a rough day but I found something positive.

I have to admit, I laugh at myself sometimes because I want to stay depressed or ornery and then I think, "But I have to find an UP to blog about today." Sometimes peer pressure is good.

I'm not sure that the cyber world of blogging is really peer pressure, but I feel like I made a promise to someone out there and I need to keep it.

I guess, really, that person is myself.

Today could have been one of those kind of days that I could have just been like, "meh," not because it was awful, it just wasn't exciting.

Well, it wasn't exciting until after play rehearsal tonight when I was sitting in my car responding to some missed texts when out of nowhere one of my fellow cast members yelled through my open window and scared me so bad that I screamed and then had to scream again because I wasn't done getting all my screaming out. It was funny. It really was. I was completely taken off guard.

I haven't been that scared since I was a kid and my dad would hide behind the door and scare me when I walked into a room!

Don't worry, it was all in good fun. I scared my dad too. It was a game, really. I still play it to this day, only I'm usually the one doing the scaring...

So, I guess as far as exciting goes, that took the cake.

But my UP was seeing this smile on Sister's face in the picture Dr. H sent me:

They had a special fishing field trip today at Salem Pond and Sister looks forward to it every year! Dr. H said that she was happy to tell him who lives where and how many times she's seen things before.

I love that girl.

I'm so proud of her.

She is so social.

That's my simple UP.

Day 132 of 365 Days of UP

I've missed his face!

It was a good day over all, but I'm just extra excited right now because, as of 10 minutes ago, I am seeing his face for the first time in 6 months!

I mean, getting this picture, from Sister's teacher this afternoon was awesome and all...

Marc and a friend were helping with a city water presentation for the 3rd graders and Sister got to see him for a minute.

... but to see this face again just makes me so happy!

So that's my biggest UP today and I'm leaving it at that so I can go to bed.

Day 131 of 365 Days of Up