Friday, May 17, 2013


I haven't written anything this week because I have so many things on my mind and just can't seem to formulate into one post.

So this post, regardless of how I hoped to bring all my thoughts to one spot, is going to be a jumble of thoughts, feelings and small celebrations.

Remember when I posted about Brother's successful track meet, but told you I would let you know more about the one that didn't go so well at a later time. Well, I think it is later enough that I can post without crying about it.

I've mentioned before the hold anxiety has on Brother's life and the track meet that day was one of those days. Marc and I showed up so proud and excited to take pictures of our track star. But, it was not what we had hoped. Something, somehow had set him off earlier at school just before the track meet and he was falling apart that we were there. He didn't want us there. I figured it was just the typical anxiety that soon subsides as the event occurs.

I was wrong.

I found that out quickly when his coach asked me to help keep the kids in order for the long jump. Brother had been yelling at me from his place in line the whole time I was standing there and when it was his turn to go and he was right next to me he began pushing me and shoving me with some teenage force.

It wasn't pretty.

I kept a smile on my face, trying to talk to him and calm him down. I felt like the entire crowd on the bleachers was staring at me getting pushed around and yelled at by the typically sweet and funny teenager they have all come to love. I am sure they weren't all staring, but I am sure those who were watching were wondering what was happening.

The parents of the other special needs kids, I am sure, felt and understood my pain that I was hiding.

I finally gave up the fight to try to ease his anxiety and gave the list to another parent and walked away to watch him fall apart next to the long jump pit. I stayed because I knew, he really did want us there, yet really didn't all at the same time.

I didn't cry out loud but I cried in my mind.

Don't worry, though, I got over it because there have been so many great things that have happened since then.

Like the fact that we have started a new medication for him to help with his anxiety. I think that day was a revelation to me that he really needed to get some relief for his terribly controlling and overbearing anxiety.

It's working!


I am so excited to see the MANY fears he had start to take a back seat.

Now, he still has anxiety but it is not as debilitating as it was a few weeks back.

He even asked to have a friend over today! That is a big deal, just in case you were wondering.

It has led him to the successful completion of 2 different hikes with the youth of our neighborhood in preparation for Trek. I am so happy for him. The youth where we live are astounding and never cease to serve our kids. I loved hearing the one story, in particular, about the first hike when they were going down a steep spot and a few of the girls were helping him down. I love to hear stuff like that.

And then, the other day, Amanda sent me this video she got on her phone:

I loved it for a few reasons, 1) My sister, Kirsten and my niece, Kelsey used to do this and Brother would sit along side them trying to do it--so it brought back sweet memories and 2) because Amanda's sweet daughter doesn't mind at all having Brother play alongside her.

Oh, and random photo of the day, This morning Brother looked like David Tennant of Dr. Who this morning before heading out to school:

He did not want his picture taken... this is the best I could get on my phone... but he still looks awfully handsome!

As I wrap up this post I wanted to share with you a post from 3 years ago. I think that track has been a big part of the successes and lessons learned here in our family. I ran across this old post as I was searching for some other things on the blog. I had TOTALLY forgotten all about this and I am, now, so grateful that I wrote it all down. It made me cry. Again.


Running the "Race"

I know, you are waiting to hear about my Florida trip and to see all the pictures. But, before I get to that I have to post a memorable moment.

Yesterday was Brother's Hershey Track meet. Remember last year? 
(Insert from 2013 here, this photo is from 2009 and is one of my favorites of him)

The track meet was yesterday, Tuesday  and I only heard about it on Monday because of our vacation. It started at 9:30am. I had made an Occupational Therapy appointment for Baby at 10:30am. I was hoping I would be able to make it anyway. Monday night my mom and dad came for dinner so that they could see all our pictures from Florida. I mentioned in passing that Brother's Hershey Track meet was the next morning if they wanted to come.

At 10am on Tuesday morning my mom called me from the track wondering if I was there. I explained to her my situation and told her that I would get there as soon as I could.

I didn't make it to his track meet. I was sad, but, hoped that his Nana being there would suffice. I am happy and humbled to say, she did more than that.

My mom tells the story kind of like this, "I was looking everywhere for him and then I heard, 'Nana! Nana!' When I walked up to him on the bleachers he acted shy and embarrassed. It was so cold out there. His skinny little body was so frozen and he had two jackets on to keep him warm. I went and got an old, dirty blanket that was in the back of the van to keep him and his friends warm. They all snuggled in it. It was so cute. Brother is so skinny and so sweet. Then he was going to run his [100 meter] race. I stayed along the side of the track on the grass to cheer him on. He started running, his big jacket and hood over his face. Then a little more than half way through the race he realized no one was around him running anymore and he just stopped. They had all already crossed the finish line..."

At this point I am teary eyed thinking of my vulnerable little boy so unassuming as to what was really happening. Wondering if anyone was laughing at him or pointing at him.

My heart sank.

I felt for him.

Then my mom continues, "I kept cheering him on. 'Come on, [Brother], let's go. Let's finish the race. Run!' He just stood there looking around. So I started running along the side of the track with him to encourage him to finish the race."

And she did.

My mom ran alongside him and he finished the race.


Dead last.

But, proud.

Completely oblivious to anyone's tears as he crossed the finish line alone.

Am I proud?

You bet I am.

Am I thankful my mom was there for him?

For me?

You bet I am.

My family, and I have a unique priviledge of watching my children run the "race" day after day.

They run hard.

And I know, in the end, they will reach the finish line...


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