My heart is full and my mind is pondering

OK, so I have debated on whether to share some of my more personal feelings on my blog. Many, have commented to me on how open I am here on my blog and I just laugh because really, I just touch the top of the iceberg and usually don't reveal anything much deeper that the first layer of my heart. But, I can't help but pour my feelings out here on my blog/journal knowing that so many of you who read this really do want the best for our little family.

13 and 17's parents are moving here and will only be a block away from us. Now, there may be many differing opinions on a subject of birth parents and legal guardians. For instance, we have already been told by one individual that we are "guardians" not "parents" to my two oldest. That was a heart wrenching moment...

We do have a lot of fun times in this family, I guarantee it. I guess this post is to let all of you know that sometimes, even "Our Life" really stinks.

I am scared of the outcome of this whole situation. And I know very few of you really know the whole story behind all of this so I am sorry to the rest of you who are in the dark but, because of family and what not, I don't want to hurt anyone. But, I do want to express how scared I am. All this time 13 and 17's parents have lived a few states away and as of the last 2 years have made NO contact with them at all except maybe three or four times.

This was something that was not discussed with us and we never had a say or an opinion on the matter. My children are confused and scared and 9 keeps asking 13 if he is going to still live with us. He is scared that he is going to lose his brother.

I am crying just typing about it. Sometimes I wonder why Heavenly Father thinks we can handle so much. I just know I will snap at any moment. I hope that 13 and 17 won't be scared to still call us "mom" and "dad." Our family has grown so close this last year and I do think that much of this blessing is attributed to Bryan being on a mission, my family support and 13 and 17 finally feeling like they belong. I worry that all this may break this bond that has been built and has been so greatly needed for these years.

When birth parents say to you that they would like you to take their children for one year or less until they can clean up their lives, you kind of take it on as an extended babysitting experience. And then after the year is up and no contact has been made to request the children back you start to realize that they will be with you for a long time... so you start to recommit as a parent and begin looking at it all long term. It's like adoption, they are yours, you are theirs. You start thinking about when they will bring their kids to your house for Christmas... you know that kind of thing. Your love for them grows unceasingly and unconditionally, and you begin to introduce them as your son and daughter. It just happened that way for us. So if any of you understand adoption you would have to picture the birth mother and father living next door watching how you are raising your children and wanting to take part in it every once in a while. There is no way around it, there is jealousy there. Wondering, do they wish they were with their birth parents, am I too strict? Will they want to leave me?

Now, notice I try carefully to say "birth" parents and not "real" parents. I think that is a fine line. I feel like a real parent to them everyday since I have taken them into my home.

I am scared.

I am concerned.

I am worried.

And yet, I really don't know what will happen. Maybe it will be the greatest experience ever, or just not as bad as we thought. Who really knows. So, until this Wednesday we will just try to focus on our little family's needs, pray often and have faith that Heavenly Father will help us all through this.

So, just so you know, I will not be posting any of the hard stuff about this situation. I don't want to hurt anyone but, I am hoping that our family will be in your thoughts and prayers...

When we're helping we're happy...

I had a crazy day yesterday (I will write about that later) and wasn't home much because of running kids around and whatever. Anyway, while I was gone getting 13 to Golf try-outs, and his play and stage make-up, Marc was home planting our two trees we bought on Saturday. 9 wanted to help he said, so when I came home I say him helping his dad out and had to take pictures. I usually try to warn 9 that I am going to take his picture so that he doesn't fall apart. But, the part that made me laugh was his answer to my question of being able to take his picture, he said, "Ya, and put it on our blog!" So here it is. 9 helping his daddy plant the trees.

He is so proud helping his daddy.

watering the first tree

Helping daddy with the wheel barrel

Then to top it off, this morning before school, he had to go out and admire "the beautiful trees." He was so proud I just had to take another picture.

Wizard of Oz Play — 13's big debut!

Email me for details if you want to come—and believe me, it will be worth it. This is a great production. My only complaint is that for some weird reason 13 doesn't get miked, so I am not even sure if I will hear him very well. So I will make sure to sit up front.

Journal moments

Today 4 had her cousin B over today to play. B wanted to do something inside and 4 said to her, "No, let's play outside for a minute." Ha! So funny. I love it when she says sentences like that—sounds so funny... for a minute. Funny thing is, it really was only a minute.

Marc went to 9's class this morning and took the baby goats in for show and tell. 9 was a little overwhelmed by the attention but excited to show off at the same time. He is really funny when we come to his class because it is not the "norm" for his parents to be in his classroom so I think that he gets a little flustered. It is so neat too, because when you do go to his class, all of his classmates just love you and hug you. They are all such special little spirits, you can't help but feel a good spirit when you are there.

Our baby girl has been moving around a lot and actually causing near mishaps to the bathroom! She doesn't kick my ribs yet but, boy, can she give a 1-2 punch to the bladder! Wew! I love feeling her move though. It is such a magical and crazy experience. I don't know what it is, that I thought this would never be my opportunity again or what but, I am treasuring EVERY moment as if it were my first pregnancy. When she gets the hiccups I giggle because they are so forceful, poor thing. (smile)

I am really popping out too. Seriously within the last few days it's as if she grew 5 inches (well, at least my belly did). I am not complaining, I am actually laughing because I am now at the point where people will stop saying how cute I look pregnant and start to think to themselves, "Holy, cow, She is huge! Poor thing!" (No pun intended.) Ya, I have just come to grips that it is in my genes, to get huge—all out in front. And with that hugeness come the stretch marks—many of them in all shapes and sizes. Zebras would be jealous!

I can still paint my toenails, though and shaving my legs is still possible so I know I still have some largeness coming. I remember vividly with 4 how I only had one pair of shoes I could wear because my feet got so big and trying to take care of business after going to the bathroom was quite an interesting task. Frankly it is at this point that I am glad I am not a guy—my aim would be completely off! Oh, poor men with the spare tire issue! Bless your hearts! My dad showed me a comic once with this pregnant lady trying to decide how to wear her pants—below or above her belly—it was hilarious and then at the end it said she felt sorry for the middle aged men with spare tires... oh how funny.

Anyway, I am way too anxious for this little girl to come. I don't know what my problem is, you would think I didn't have four kids here keeping me busy twenty four-seven.

Which, by the way, I am so glad to have 3 of them in school right now! I know, I know... I am such a mean mom, enjoying my children being gone, but, seriously, I could NEVER do home school. I would go certifiably insane! I need some time to just clean without the constant whirl wind behind me to do it all over again. And the bickering is not a pleasant sound to hear all day long. It is funny the stages I go through, because I can't wait for school to end because I am tired of helping and struggling with homework and constant pushing to do better and I can't wait for the family vacations to begin. Then, by the end of summer I am so excited for the fun to end so that I can relax and actually enjoy my sanity.

9 has been such a fun kid to have around lately when he is in a good mood. He is so elaborate when he talks that it just makes me laugh. I wish I could remember his exact phrases. I just know they make me proud of what a sweet young man he is becoming.

13 has developed such a great relationship with Marc it really has been fun to watch. He really looks up to Marc and Marc is treasuring every moment of it.

17 is finally in drivers ed! Hallelujah! Oh, can I just say that I can't wait for her to have an actual license in her hand so that I can actually tell her to "drive herself there!" Oh, yay!

Marc is outside planning where is going to plant three trees that we are going to buy tomorrow. And anyone who knows Marc will understand what I mean when I say "planning." This is a huge ordeal and involves much drawing, walking around the yard, looking intently with his thumb and pointer finger on his chin and constant redrawing and questioning of all around. It will be a while before he decides where they go. In fact, by then, the trees we want to buy, may be gone.

Alrighty then! I guess that is all for now!

The best family movie ever!!!

My cousins are Pointe Digital Photography and they came and did our family pics and video last night and they already got them done! Amazing!

The Gibson Family from Davey Orgill on Vimeo.

Our family is really hard to get on camera because 4 and 9 just can't handle cameras in their faces and their attention spans don't last long. Davey and April got some great candid shots. I am posting the link so you can see the video but I also captured some images from the video so you could see some stills (they aren't the best quality because I just paused and captured the image).

I'm tellin' ya, cowboys are sexy!

I LOVE this one—I think it's the one I want HUGE on our wall!

One day old

Unexpected!!

Now this is a doozy!!

I thought we were feeding our goat too much. She looked like she swallowed a watermelon sideways! Here she is just 5 days ago...


And here she is today with her two new kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



What the heck!? We bought one and got three out of the deal apparently! Marc's dad was walking over to feed our chickens grasshoppers and saw the two baby goats and the afterbirth so he had missed the live birth only by moments! He came in and informed us that we had baby goats—we didn't even know!



I will post more pictures later. They are both so cute! Wow! I am telling you, there is not a boring moment around here!

Parent2Parent KUTV debut!! and "I 4!!"

OK, it is official. Check us out on KUTV channel 2 news Wednesday at 5pm to see my Fragile X Syndrome Interview. Or check it out on the web by clicking here.

I hope it went well, I hope that I answered the right way to represent all of us FXS moms well. Let me know if you watch it and what you thought!!!


So now 3 can say with her four fingers held out to your face, "I 4!" very proudly! So make note of that for any of you who read this, my youngest is now 4 years old so now she is named 4 on this blog...

OK, so first before I post pictures I must explain that I have been making great effort to not overwhelm 4 as much as possible because this whole hyper-arousal thing seems to be a huge issue with her. So I just kept her birthday party on Sunday to a minimum with just having family (which is pretty big anyway). Well, things were going pretty well until she sat down in front of the cake while we sang Happy Birthday...

now usually, children love the attention they get at their birthday party, the presents, the gifts the fact that they are the center of attention. Well, with kids who suffer from hyper-arousal issues that is just a whole different story. We didn't even get half way through the traditional birthday song and she started to shake, scream and run away as fast as her bare feet would take her. It took us all by surprise but, was a good lesson on how real this hyper-arousal thing is. She was able to recover quickly with me hugging her and rubbing her back for some good strong sensory input and then she was ready for cake and ice cream. It is times like that that I am glad it is my family there and not others who may not understand what just happened and I have to go through the whole explanation.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun, and I am so glad my family came. We got some great pictures.

4 had Sprite, our goat, out on her leash so she could eat down some of the weeds in the flower bed. It was too cute!

Marc loves our goat...

Aunt Kirsten had a great time entertaining the kids!

And then on her actual birthday day, we made sugar cookies with cousins and had a great time making a yummy mess...


Then today we brave yet, another, two-dollar Tuesday at Thanksgiving Point for the beloved Dinosaur Museum... am I crazy??? Good grief, the things I do for my kids!

9 loves his cousin Jman! Can you tell?

This picture doesn't even begin to show you the crowd that was there!

Oh, and on Saturday before 4's birthday party Marc and 13 went on a hike and had a great time, so here are some pics of that too.

1:15am and still awake...

Well, here I am in the wee hours of the morning making a DVD for my nieces to take home of their trip here. They are leaving at 4am and I have 3 hours to get it burned onto disk. I am done but just waiting for the computer to do it's thing. So, I thought, in the meantime, I will do some journaling.

The baby is moving like crazy now. It is so much fun. She is so low that when I go to sleep at night I can't bend my legs up too far or she sits and kicks at my leg until I move. Funny. I am showing a lot more. Which is funny—no really—it is. Sometimes when I where certain shirts it looks like my belly is a torpedo ready to launch. I wish I had that cute pregnant belly that is perfectly shaped like I see all the models in the prego magazines have. I kind of have a belly that looks like a watermelon that was dropped on the end—you know, not quite round, a little flat... funny.

Anyway, I had no idea what to get 3 for her fourth birthday coming up here soon. We went shopping and still nothing hit me. Then I went to the dollar store—halleluja! That place is fantastic for 3-year-old gift giving! 3 is going to be so happy with her coloring books, mini markers, lipgloss, lipgloss rings, dry erase board and tote bag. Ya, I know sounds kind of like a weird mix of things but, she loves all these things, and they will get used and then thrown away instead of taking up space on the floor when she doesn't want to play with it after five minutes.

I have to admit, I am sad that she doesn't quite get the concept of a birthday. I think she kind of has an idea, but, it's not like she is begging me for a birthday party or even has a clue that her friends can come over for a party. So, instead of depressing myself with the simple things my children don't understand I am inviting her favorite people any day of the year, our family. It will be fun!

I can feel pregnancy, the weight of four children and the nearing beginning of school coming and I think I am on the verge of going nuts. Ya, I don't know what it is. All of us hit this point (whether you want to admit it or not). I think I just need some "ME" time or something. Hey, even a date with Marc would suffice. Maybe we could go see a chick flick and go get a frozen yogurt at the Maverick! Mm! My new craving, frozen yogurt! Devine! Within a weeks time I have already filled my yogurt card eight times so now on the next visit I get a free one!!! Yay!

OK, I really need to lay down. Hopefully I will wake up in 3 hours and the DVD will be all done and ready for the girls to take home.

(yawn) good night...
P.S. It is now 4:21 am, I fell asleep too long and now the DVD I stayed up to do is still needing 30 minutes of processing and I called and they are leaving. I am not sure if I feel like crying because I am so tired, or because I worked so hard to get it to them and I missed it by 30 minutes!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaah!

Holy cow, we have been busy with activity!!!!

Alright! Apparently camping all summer hasn't been enough. We had to sneak in a million other things when my nieces came to town. Get ready for the ride of the last three days...


9, A and E all at our small town rodeo on Saturday night.
There were fireworks afterward and the kids LOVED those. But, my favorite part of the night was teh "Ring of Fear"—they drew a circle in the arena and about six guys had to try to stay in it when they released a bull that was charging after them. It was quite a site, and made some fun for the rodeo clown and bullfighters!



13, MrT, and J-man in their black cowboy hats

Monday morning we went the pond park. Grandma G provided donuts and drinks! Mmm!

The fun continued with feeding the ducks and ducklings and later, "fishing"
3, 13, A, Z, 9 and E all out feeding the very-comfortable-around-people ducks

There I am in my green skirt on the right

Cute of Z and Grandma

13 and 3

13 catches a fish and later E catches one too.
Z is pouring the fish into 9's baggy and 3 thinks this is a great idea.

Here's how they caught the two fish

Then we released them back into the little ponds

9 was crying that released the fish and said he wanted to catch one. I said he could keep it if he caught one (thinking he wouldn't get one by himself) well, served me right. He caught one! And now it is on my kitchen counter in a glass bowl and still living. It loves to eat the flies we swat.

Later that evening we started a family karaoke party for our family home evening and then it later turned into a neighborhood PAR-TAY! Oh man, was it fun!
13 and Marc singing Beach Boys

Wow, look at me get down with A and 17!

9 wanted in on the fun

...and he did have fun!

Our friend and Marc singing "Old McDonald Had a Farm"
that was absolutely the highlight of my night! Bwa haa haa!

Me and our friend singing "Say a Little Prayer" which always takes me back to that scene in "My Best Friends Wedding"—too funny

Then on Tuesday morning we hit the "Two-buck Tuesdays at Thanksgiving Point"

Ya, 3 was like this MOST of the time. The crowd was just too much for her. She stayed in the wagon most of the time. But, she looked how I felt be the end of the day... (I mean, hello, I am five months pregnant, and we left home at 9am and didn't get home until 5:30 pm and 3 fell asleep when we got home and didn't wake up until 10pm—so yes, that is why I am up blogging until midnight—she is up watching movies)

Me, 13 and 9 feeding the fish

Z, A, E and 9 pose on the hill

Grandma, E and 13 from my view

E and 13 from GRandmas view

Cousins in flowers: 9, 13, E, Z, and A (all after they rolled down the BIG hill)

The Secret Garden's fountain

She's getting happier now
(side note: we are almost done at this point)

Finally some food!

And now, Cabella's!

And this about sums up how we all feel after these last 3 days of activities...