Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Wolverine's Coat and a Marriage? ...

Sister is very particular about her coats and jackets.

Sister in her preferred jacket of the day and Baby in her preferred pajamas... outside... on hot Spring day.

It's really, kind of annoying.

Like, there are melt-downs associated with the wrong coat selection or any malfunctioning pockets, zippers or hoods.

One day she told me, "I want a Wolverine coat."

This request was a little out of the blue and I tried not to look to taken back while I answered, "Well, you're a girl and that is a boy's kind of coat."

She replied, "Oh... well, it's his mom's coat... he has a mom, I'm serious," her eyes widely doe-eyed so as to add to the honesty of her comment.

(insert cry-laughing emoticon here)

I'm so glad that I write those kinds of conversations down sometimes.

I am better at remembering to take notes of all the funny and wonderful things going on when I am happy and feeling loved.

I think we are all better at anything when we feel that way.

When Marc and I were first married we were a bit selfish.

Not to ourselves, as a couple, no, we were selfish individually.

He wanted his way.

I wanted my way.

Sometimes it worked.

Sometimes it just led to fights.

I'm pretty sure I slept on the couch a good amount of time the first 5 years of marriage.

We existed together having memorable and happy times that kept us moving forward, but we weren't totally happy. We didn't totally feel loved.

Then kids came into the picture.

So then we put all our focus on the kids and blamed the kids for why we didn't go out anymore, or why we were too tired to spend time with each other after tucking the kids into bed.

And on top of the excuse of having kids we even had more of an excuse... all three of our children have Fragile X Syndrome... yup, there was no way I could put my kids second when they had this kind of challenge ahead of them.

Marc was an adult and he could handle not having my 24-hour attention.

Our kids needed us.

My kids needed me.

On top of having 3 children with special needs we also raised our niece and 2 nephews for a time and they needed a lot of love, attention, guidance, and support. So with all of this—even though Marc and I thought doing lots of family activities kept us together—we realized after giving up taking care of our niece and nephews after 8 years that we had lost what we had left of our relationship somewhere along the way.

I started realizing that Marc and I had just been surviving our marriage. We hadn't been nurturing it the way we should. I thought this was just our problem, but kids (special needs or not) have an innate ability to "feel" what is going on around them.

Their intolerance of each other seemed to stem from mine and Marc's intolerance for one another.

We all kind of zoned-out, ignoring the issues of each other and heal our own, individually.

After I had, what was almost a complete nervous breakdown, I decided to see a therapist.

She (Karla Chamberlain) helped me through a time that I had given up and thrown in the towel thinking there was no way back. My marriage wasn't great and my kids' needs were overwhelming and intimidating.

At this time of working on myself and how to help my side of the marriage I started following Marriage365 on Instagram and was inspired by their quotes that would pop up every so often. They made me think about how I was approaching my marriage and wanting Marc to be inspired too.

Marc began seeing the importance of what I was fighting for and we started seeing a therapist together. Our world changed completely.

I am amazed.

It has been a tough road with lots of great times mixed in between.

We've finally figured out how important our marriage is to our successfully raising children.

We have a "date night" once a week.


Even if it ends up being during the day while kids are at school, a quick meet-up for lunch on Marc's lunch break, a late movie on the iPad after kids are asleep, or the official "dinner and movie" kind of thing—it always happens.

It has to.

Our kids do better because we are more connected as their parents and we are able to help them through their problems and concerns instead of constantly being distracted by our own.

Our family is happier because our marriage is stronger. Not perfect—stronger—there's a difference. We are constantly making specific effort to keep our marriage strong each day. Loving your spouse is a choice and in showing that you've made that choice you show your commitment to helping them feel loved and happy.

When I was presented the opportunity to get the word out about Marriage365's online class this Wednesday I figured it was worth it to, at least, pay it forward to them for having an affect on my attitude towards my marriage.

So I'm putting their information here for you to get involved in their webcast that will be happening tomorrow, Wednesday the 18th! You can purchase the webcast and do not have to watch it live, although they, Meygan and Casey, think it is a lot more fun to join them live! You can sign up HERE and the $10 cost includes access to the webcast, a couples connecting worksheet and "20 Ways to Show Your Spouse Love" eBook!

I love life.

I love my husband.

I love my kids.

I love that we fought hard for all of it.

I love that our children are doing better because we are doing better.

I love that this whole post started because I had to tell you about  Sister wanting Wolverine's Mom's coat...

... squirrel!

0 remarks: