I was able to get up and get Brother and Sister off to school. I thought I'd be able to get through the rest of the day and then it just hit me. I went to sleep. I just didn't want to do anything.
Then my doorbell rang.
I wasn't expecting anyone.
I looked and felt like crap so I wanted to just lay back down.
Then the doorbell rang again.
I got up, wandered down the hall and down the stairs to the front door.
I opened the door and no one was there... the sprinklers were on barricading the sidewalk, but there was no one there.
Looking back now, I'm not sure how or what rang the doorbell, but it was the reason I got up and kept going. I talked myself into staying up no matter how tired and depressed I felt. I even got up the energy to clean out Sister's room.
That is a huge task.
Remember, she's a hoarder.
I found so many things in there that didn't belong there that I almost laughed.
With each section of her room that I cleaned out I was feeling some relief from the depression. I think that the fact that her room was so full of her "stuff" was overwhelming me and her. I went through every nook and cranny while Baby hung out with me and played with her sister's stuffed animals. It was nice, too, having her company and hearing her babbling while trying to be brave enough to get rid of so much stuff in Sister's room.
I found a folding chair, a basketball, 3 frisbees, and a stair rail post that belonged in the garage.
I filled a large garbage back full of stuff to recycle--mostly her papers that she collects.
I filled a box full of garbage which included a LOT of broken crayons and pencils and erasers.
I filled a box full of books to give to the library.
I found my ruler, Marc's light blue pocket square, and Brother's yearbooks and notebooks.
I only took a picture of the garbage that I took out:
I'm still a little nervous about her figuring out about some things missing and melting down over it. I'm crossing my fingers that she just finds new happiness in a cleaner room... we'll see.
So, I gained a little pride in myself for having beat depression for a few hours and decided I was going to continue on with the day and not sleep through it.
I love winning.
I'm quite competitive actually, so being able to win over depression for a while makes me feel good.
I made it to Baby's Kindergarten open house and I'm glad I had some kind of emotional strength with me because she was clinging to me for dear life when we walked up to her new school. I am sure if that doorbell would not have rang this morning I would have not even considered going to Baby's Kindergarten thing, but here I was helping her meet her new teacher, see her new school and get familiar with her environment. It was a great mommy moment for me and I was able to take a break from my depression to realize that I am blessed with these children who keep me moving forward and keep me from completely falling flat on my face.
I saw a quote from my Sister, Jessie, today though, that sums up how my day went.
I chose to look at the stars and I was able to brush myself off and get back up.
That takes strength and today my strength is my UP.
Day 237 of 365 Days of Up
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