Most people don't believe me when I tell them I am actually a shy person...
I'm actually shy.
If I'm with my husband and a bunch of people I don't know, I let him do all the socializing and I just follow him around.
True story. If I'm approached I will socialize, but I'm not the one to initiate the meeting unless I feel like the person needs a friend.
Basically, I guess, I am only outgoing when I feel I'm needed, comfortable or accepted.
|Filling time during rehearsal|
|Always great to watch Snail in his big number|
|Cheesing with new friends|
|A rehearsal selfie (groupie, I guess)|
I realized something about myself while rehearsing for this recent play at the SCERA "A Year with Frog and Toad."
I am so nervous and hesitant to "act" and dance while at rehearsal... it really takes a LOT of self reassurance and I struggle to whole time to feel good about what I am doing.
Then we have the night of dress rehearsal and suddenly I don't hold back anymore! It's like the costume disguises me and I don't worry about people judging me, but I am now excited to be the character I am meant to play and bring smiles to peoples faces.
|part of my bird costume|
|the quote that will forever define my experience in this show|
|My mole costume|
I think that is part of the reason why I am able to be so open on my blog because I'm not having to face "you" as "me." You are seeing my words, my thoughts and everything that I am filtering through my spell check and constant re-reading. I can bring a smile to someone's face by being vulnerable, but not confident.
So when my family and friends come to see me in the plays I'm in it means the world to me to have them support me in something that, surprisingly, isn't easy for me until I hit the stage to perform.
|my adventure friends, in-laws, and parents|
|dear friends and old neighbors|
|my sister and her family|
|Me and Millie - my favorite picture from this whole run|
|A little boy in my ward (he was so star struck I loved it)|
|my uncle, cousins and their kids|
|my cousin and her boyfriend|
|my mom, cousins and their kids and aunts and uncles|
|My mom came 3 times!|
|I made Marc get a picture with the whole cast when he came|
|my butterfly friend|
I haven't been able to have all of my kids to the last four plays I've been in. We've been able to get Brother there for a couple of them, but it's always a gamble of how hard it will be to get him there.
We tried to get all three kids there on our preview night and that fell apart even with lots of preparation and encouragement. So I finally settled on just trying to get Brother to come and we had it all arranged for him to go with Marc on a Thursday night when the crowd is always smaller and I prepped him for a full week.
Each time I brought it up he, as usual, fell apart screaming "no!" But, I kept pursuing the situation because experience is that he does go once it comes time if he's been prepped enough. I left for the play call-time Thursday night and announced to everyone that my son was coming that night with Marc. I was so excited!
"I'm sorry. I couldn't get him here" was the text I got about 5 minutes before curtain call.
I am used to not being able to have our kids involved in things we do so I was pretty calm about the disappointment I felt until one of my cast-mates asked me, "Oh, are you OK?"
I started to cry a little.
I just wanted Brother to see me and laugh and be proud of his mom.
I was a little flustered that night and made a few mistakes partly because of my excitement of having my husband there and partly because I was a little sad about not having our son there.
Friday morning I texted Brother's teacher Mrs. G and mentioned to her that we couldn't get him to come last night. She excitedly exclaimed that she and her family were going that night and that Brother could go with them. Knowing how much Brother loves Mrs. G and vice versa, I was excited about this plan.
Friday night Brother came to see my play.
Another little blessing was that my parents came that night too to surprise me, but I heard my mom's laugh and called her out through a text at intermission. She was surprised I recognized her laugh and was excited to hear that Brother was there. My parents ended up sitting by him and Mrs. G and they all had a great time laughing together.
After the show Brother was yelling at the top of his lungs at me and I think it startled people in the lobby. But, I was excited he was there, yelling or not. I even got a "kind of" hug from him.
I loved hearing what he was exclaiming during the play. I didn't hear him personally, but Mrs. G related them all to me like when, I eat cookies in our cookie song he said that I was "being a piggy and taking them all" and when I was a squirrel messing up the leaves he sad, "good job there mommy, you made a mess!"
I was so happy that I was able to make my son smile and laugh while I was on stage.
Getting over my fears and past my insecurities is so worth it when I can make someone I love happy.
Funny to think that just the next morning was when I sprained my ankle.
Brother still talks about the play and how fun it was. I love hearing how proud he is of me... in his own way. He even told Sister that she should go to it. Maybe he'll talk her into it.
I have 3 more days left of the show, I can't believe it's almost over! Thank goodness, at least, I waited until half way through the run to get hurt.
I'm so thankful for the memories, the friendships, and the "me" time, but I'm also thankful that it was one more drop in my bucket toward gaining self confidence.
Photos below are by Mark Philbrick courtesy of SCERA
|Opening number - I'm the bird in pink|
|"Get a Loada Toad" - I'm Mouse|
|Just before the big number "Cookies!" - (my big speaking part)|
|me jumping up in the background over my excitement of cookies|
|Squirrel making a mess of the leaves Frog just raked up|
|Moles making a snowman|