You've missed so much!
Let me catch you up...
No, let me catch me up!
I'm enjoying life too much!
No. Seriously. It feels weird.
When you have been in a weird depression fog for a long time and struggling to make everything positive, it almost feels weird to just enjoy life without effort.
Does that make sense.
I mean, I did have some moments of, "WHAT THE @!#$!%!!," but all in all it's been great. Let's just say that I am still recovering from a severe bruise given to me during a massive anxiety attack from on of the kids... boy, if you need a constant reminder that your life isn't normal, that'll do it for ya!
See, that's the thing though, if I wasn't out of my depression cloud that would have been so much worse and could have sent me into Yucky Town, but, instead, I would tell people about it and show them, proudly, that I survived it and will probably have to survive it again.
See this cute little drawing?
This is a pride and joy for both Marc and I and especially Baby!
She has been doing so much and realizing so much about the world around her. It's kind of like watching a typical 2-year-old starting to do all the things they do: pretending, wanting to do things themselves, playing with toys with a purpose, conversing (somewhat). We just had to wait until she was 6 1/2 to enjoy it.
Anyway, on Sundays at church I keep her entertained and sitting through sacrament meeting by drawing My Little Pony ponies for her. I have to try to make each picture last as long as possible so I always add grass, flowers, a tree with apples and sometimes even sky with clouds and a sun.
I almost cried when I saw this drawing she did one day.
Here, I'll help you "see" it.
She always has to have me draw a pony with a unicorn horn, and wings. And in order to make it a true My Little Pony, it always have to have a dramatically flowing mane and tail, and don't ever forget the cutie mark.
She included everything!
I have been finding these almost everyday as she sits to the table to draw a new one.
Her teacher at school told me that she has been drawing them there too.
I'm such a proud mommy!
This pony was the first one that I ever noticed her draw and it has been hanging on my fridge... I think I may have to frame it.
I do that sometimes.
Brother painted a great painting of a rainbow once and I have that framed and hanging in our home.
I can't take anything for granted, I need to enjoy every thing our children accomplish.
Thinking of Baby drawing takes me to her doctor appointment this past Wednesday.
Holy cow! That was a doozie!
Doctor appointments with any of my kids is ALWAYS a challenge.
A. L. W. A. Y. S.
So, of course this was no different and was impacted by the fact that she wasn't able to ride her bus to school because of the appointment time.
Once we got in the car and were on our way, she was actually quite happy. All the way to signing in for the appointment.
Then it happened... (read those dots as a "duh, duh duh")
They came to get her for the appointment.
It was all uphill from there.
I say uphill not because it was easy, because "downhill" would hint at no physical exertion, and that would be a lie.
It's moments like this that I am so thankful that my back is stronger and I can "handle" my special children in times of struggle. It took two of us just to hold her by the wall so we could check how tall she is. Now, I know, for some parents they would say, "Just skip the weight and height and we'll do it next time," but we are watching Baby's growth and weight-gain closely as she pretty much only eats Pediasure.
Which leads me to divert to another quick story of her actually eating lunch at school and not just her Pediasure! Her teacher even sent me pictures because it was such an epic moment:
|I wasn't sure if I should cry because she was eating real food, |
or because I was so proud to see that she could carry her lunch tray! Oh, it's the little things!
OK. so back to the doctor's visit... (again, duh, duh, duh)
By the time we got back to the room I was already a crumpled mess and she was now past that point as I answered some of the nurses questions. After about 10 minutes Baby settled down because she found something in my purse that made her smile.
It's ironic actually.
I doubt any female smiles when they see the item she had found in my purse.
You'd think it would be the suckers that kept her happy, but no, it was the thing tucked away in that green, square package.
That's a feminine napkin.
She was so happy listening to it crinkle in it's bright green package and making it a great little addition to the home of the suckers!
Sorry, Jessie, but how could I not take a picture of this and not share it with the world.
(Jessie is my younger and wiser sister who has to keep me in check most of the time.)
Love you, Jessie...
Anyway, I was finally able to get her to put the feminine item back in my purse by having her pose for pictures on my phone:
She took some time once she had settled a bit to draw one of her pony pictures.
I was so proud of her.
When her doctor came in he was so proud of her too! He said it's a big step forward in her development to draw like that! Yay!!!
"Forward" in development is always nice to hear as a parent of a child with special needs!
I'll save you all the details of the rest of the appointment, but let me just say that it ended with me feeling like I had run a marathon, Baby with big crocodile tears, any other parents in the office thankful for their own children, her doctor walking out the door saying, "You are amazing, I have so much respect for you, good luck," with a worried smile on his face and me needing to drown myself in an Arctic Circle shake and fries... Whoa!
I really can't express enough during the rough moments of Our Life that I am so grateful for my faith.
I have this really awesome opportunity to go to a special place of worship to feel at peace and serve others at the same time.
I love to go to the temple!
I can't take pictures of the inside of the temple for you to see, but I took lots of the outside.
There is so much peace for me inside the Holy Temple of The Lord.
This is the Provo Temple. It's been the only Temple in Provo until recently.
It's a really awesome story that I'll let you look into on your own, but the Provo City Center Temple was once a tabernacle and has now been built, literally from the ashes, and the open house is going on now to March.
Marc and I took Brother to the open house of the Provo City Center Temple on Thursday night.
It is so beautiful!
If you aren't close enough to see it yourself, in person, here is a link so you can see what it looks like inside.
Brother was so happy to be there. He couldn't stop smiling.
It was so neat to see him feel the peace and happiness that I also feel while in the temple. And to be with him in a place that allows me to have the promise of being with my children and hubby forever, is always humbling.
We wanted to take pictures to commemorate our little outing with our son, but he really didn't want his picture taken. So I just snuck one while he was splashing his hand in the fountain.
We were lucky enough to get Brother to come with us to eat dinner afterwards.
I can't even explain the joy we had as Brother actually conversed with us and told us little things about it his day at school and even some of his happy moments that have been happening throughout the week.
If you have a 16-year old son, I know it is hard to get them to talk to you sometimes, but when he does, listen. Really listen. Don't judge, scorn or ridicule but allow him to talk freely to you so that he feels comfortable sharing things with you. I know that my situation is a little different than those of typical teenagers so it is easy to say that when I am just excited to hear Brother speak words to me, but trust me. I know.
I raised my nephews for a short time.
They needed me to listen to them.
Brother's feelings may sound different than my typical nephew's, but they need to be heard and expressed all the same.
I wasn't going to share this, because I don't even know if I'll even make it into this play, but, I went to callbacks today for a play called Saturday's Warrior. As part of my callback I was auditioning to be the mother in the show and had to sing a song and show emotion about a struggling relationship with her oldest son.
I was amazed at all the emotions that ran through my head as I portrayed this mother's feelings.
I thought I would have to draw more on my experiences of raising my nephews, but instead I came to tears at one point because I was drawing on the struggles, the special struggles of my own son. His fight in this life is so different than I had hoped it would be.
The song talks about how "he's grown up some how" and I was able to realize for a moment, that even with Brother's Fragile X he has grown up and matured in a way that I am grateful for.
I love him.
He's such a blessing.
I am so glad that he and his sisters chose to come live with Marc and me.
So, even though I run marathons at every doctor's appointment, sport bruises the size of baseballs from child bites, keep my stomach muscles flexed to endure the flying kick the the gut and live in constant alert being prepared for the next breakdown...
I have a full and wonderful life and I am thankful that I get to watch my children grow up... no matter how long it takes them... I am just thankful for forever.