Belated Spring Break

We actually had our Spring Break right on time, I am just now getting around to posting about it!

It all started off with a bang when my sister, Kirsten, had her baby 2 weeks early!

Surprised, but so excited I went to visit and take pictures the day she was born:

The first question she asked me after I saw her was, "So, what do you think? Do you think she has Fragile X Syndrome?"

It's crazy that we even have to ask that question each time we sisters bring a new little one into the world. (To learn more about how Fragile X is passed on you can read HERE.)

I had to honestly tell her that I had no idea this time. The only thing I could tell her for sure was that she is adorable and I admire her for having the faith to have another baby.

We are excited that baby Liz made her appearance just in time for our brother and his family coming to visit from Illinois during our Spring Break. Having them here all through Spring Break was also a big help in distracting Sister that there was no school for a week.

We even got to celebrate Easter with them all (even though it was late) and have our traditional Easter Egg hunt at Jessie's:

Sister was REALLY into it and we had to make her give some of her eggs away... she was so proud!

Baby actually seemed to be getting the hang of it this year.

Last year Jessie started a treasure hunt at the Easter Party and our brother, Aaron, was so good at writing the clues that he was in charge of it again this year.

We had to caption the dad's "socializing" Tee hee!

Another highlight of that evening was when my siblings, my parents and I gathered around Jessie's piano to sing the song, "Gethsemane." It brought tears to my eyes and makes my heart happy.

Most of us slept over so that we could have as much time together as possible.

It was so fun to see all the girl cousins playing together and I was actually able to sneak a picture of when they were playing school:

The highlight of that night, though, was when LittleMr, Daniel's 3rd and age 3 (almost 4?) was so excited about sleeping out in the trailer with all the boy cousins that he could hardly contain his excitement. He was so excited he started running the wrong way when I walked him outside, it gave me a good chuckle.

But my heart was also happy as my kids got to have "regular" peer time with their cousins—Brother sleeping out in the trailer with the boys, Sister and Baby playing school and all sleeping in one room—it makes me so happy that my family is so accepting of our kids and love them regardless of the Fragile X gene or not!

We always try to get in as much time with Daniel and his family as we possibly can so we snuck more activities in here and there. I didn't get as much time as I would have liked since I was involved with my play rehearsal still.

The day after our big party we met up with Daniel and the fam to go swimming.

The picture doesn't really show it, but they had a great time and even last a little over an entire hour!!!

My mom always goes all out and makes all her specialty foods while Daniel is here. One of the days she made us her homemade chicken noodle soup. She makes the noodles like her mom did. I got thinking how I would have loved to have a picture of my grandma making one of her specialties in the kitchen, so I grabbed a few pictures of my mom.

I'm sure these will be treasured images.

I'm all of a sudden all nostalgic about my parents and wanting to capture everything about my parents.

It's either because they are getting older before my very eyes, or the fact that my dad got really, really sick and it gave me a bit of a scare/reality check.

We're all getting older.

I find myself treasuring the little moments even more than I used to and wanting to make those moments last as long as possible.

I am sure that is why we are so happy when our family is ALL together at the same time and we get to make those memories as a whole.

One for the Board

Our kids...

Oh the joy and simultaneous stress they bring.

I've had to learn to laugh so that I don't take things too seriously...

You know, like when sister asks me if I remember "Bob" that I met last year and if I remember what his son's name was...

(blank stare)

After some pointless arguing my mind begins to register that what she meant to ask is if I remember if "Rob" that I met this morning has a son and if so, what was his son's name.

Or there's the times that you walk in to Baby's room and she is crying such big crocodile tears and huddling in her favorite blanket that you think she may have lost her favorite toy or stubbed her toe, but after cuddling her for several minutes you realize that she is crying because you yelled at the dog to stop barking about 30 minutes prior and it must have startled her.

Then there's Brother who will sing his heart out in the front yard for all passersby to see and hear, but if you ask him to get ready for the school choir concert he is quickly escalated to full anxiety defense systems.

(sigh)

Sometimes Sister will come up to me and just hug and kiss me and tell me over and over again in between giggles that she loves me.

Brother has learned to say to me, "I just can't do this right now." It melts my heart that he is learning to communicate how he feels.

Baby says "Pediasure" to me and I'll reply "just a second" and she will bring me her cup and the can because she knows I get sidetracked easily and she might as well help me out.

We went bowling and out to eat with Marc's parents on a Saturday and I was so impressed with how well behaved they were at the restaurant and even ate most of their food! We all went bowling afterwards and had such a memorable time.

We may have only last one game, but the point was we were actually out as a family... having fun.

Yes, I spent much of the last bit chasing Baby around and making sure she didn't run into anybody's bowling balls or trip over their shoes, but we were there as a family!

I'm telling you these things for two reasons:

1. Celebrate everything your child accomplishes, big or small.

• Now I am not talking big Pinterest-Mom rewards or parties, I'm just talking about acknowledgement. A simple "Wow!" "Good job!" "You're amazing!" "I love you!" or just a hug or a kiss on the forehead.

It doesn't take much more than that to show you notice their accomplishments. Remember, though, that you have to find out what works for your individual kid—Sister does better with verbal and physical reassurance, Brother just needs verbal mostly and Baby is more of a sensory/physical (squish, firm hug, snuggle) needer.

Too often we expect so much of our children that we forget how amazing it is that they are doing what they are doing.

I fear Marc and I are hyper-aware of how often little things go unnoticed when parents don't have children with special needs because it is "typical" or "developmentally" on cue to what they are age-appropriate for.

1. Be content with who you have.

• I don't mean be lackadaisical or complacent, but not wishing your child was like some one else's kid. Instead be encouraging and motivating to help them reach THEIR fullest potential and not YOUR biggest dream.

If your 6-year-old is going potty on their own, but you still have to help them wipe... thank your lucky stars.

If your 10-year-old is able to be talked to about puberty and growing up without going into complete and total nuclear melt-down panic then you are blessed.

If your 16-year-old actually tolerates, initiates or encourages friend or neighbor interaction don't be upset that their room is a little messy—they are making memories with real live people... that's a good thing.

If you're a parent — stay strong, celebrate the small stuff, laugh more, love more, and live in the moment.

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Self-doubt and Enough

I'm apologizing ahead of time for the blunt honesty that is about to come in this post.

If you are uncomfortable with complete honesty (and basically, whining) even if it exposes faults then you might just want to skip through and look at the pictures...

You have been warned:

Do you ever doubt yourself?

I'm in this rut where I just don't think I am good at anything that I am doing right now.

I'm not sure what it is exactly, but I'm just in that mode of scrapping everything and starting over.

I've been doing graphic design for 20 years now and for the first time in years I have actually slowed down in work. I hate even admitting that here, publicly, for you all to see, but it's the truth.

I don't know if I've lost my edge or if it's just because I am not good at all the social media stuff that needs to be done to promote my work to new clients. I mean, I have been doing this for 20 years... most of my clients have either moved on to other ventures, died or found a cheaper designer so there's not much word of mouth advertising like there used to be.

I started about 5 years ago down the path of being a photographer and I was so excited when I started getting my first paid gigs and was able to actually say I was a professional photographer.

Right when I was feeling like I was really getting ahead of the game my camera broke and I had nothing to shoot with and no money to buy a new one.

Then some sweet people, whom I still do not know who they were, brought a gift of a camera and lenses that Christmas and I vowed that because of that act of generosity that I would continue to pay it forward and make it possible to for many who couldn't afford family photos to have them at a low cost.

I have also strived to do a lot of donation photography for those who couldn't afford it at all or for charity work.

After almost 4 years of doing this I am beginning to feel like I'm not looked at by others as a good photographer, but rather a cheap, decent one.

That hurts.

I've worked hard to get where I am.

Classes, money invested that I don't make back because of donating so many sessions, time, time away from my family, miles traveled, equipment purchased, programs upgraded... etc.

I tried really hard to get a grip on doing a great job at being the leader of the Fragile X Association of Utah and I have failed miserably at that while simultaneously giving up on the one fundraiser I worked so hard to start. And none of it is really missed, it seems, so I see no need to go through all the stress, hard work, dedication, and commitment it all needs.

I wanted to start a blog and later a YouTube channel to help raise awareness about Fragile X Syndrome and give hope to families who have children with special needs that there is laughter, fun, memories and joy in all of it. I think the most I have ever reached were probably the extent of my extended family, and they already know our situation.

I want to be an amazing mom who stays on top of everything and spends all my free time with my kids and making their life better.

But, sometimes, I just sit and stare at the wall because I don't even now where to begin—Baby's behavior plan, Sister's medicine changes, Brother's picture schedule to encourage him to go to Prom, Baby's potty training predicament, Sister's anxieties, Brother's unwillingness to be social or all three of their picture schedules.

I want to be able to make money to help my husband with all the financial stress that comes with our situation but the three main things I am doing seem to be falling apart before my eyes.

I am so confused as to how I am blessed with so many abilities and talents, yet none of them seem to be really helping our situation.

It's so discouraging.

The thought of working outside the home makes me anxious and makes me wonder if I'd be even further from meeting our children's needs.

I honestly don't want anyone to comment about this post.

I'm not asking for sympathy or kind words.

I just want to be real.

I am also realizing that I am glad I am writing this down so that as I wrote it I could think back to all the things I have succeeded at.

I do hope that my talents have at least blessed others lives even if they don't always seem to bless mine.

I have to remember that what I have to offer is enough for the Lord.

And that has to be enough.

I have to remember that I do all that I can and that, by His grace, I am enough.

It brings tears to my eyes to type that out loud, but I have to be OK with being enough.

I may not be the best at the things that I do.

I am enough.

That is OK.

Not easy, but OK.

And I still may try a new career move...

just sayin'...

Photo credit Chelsea Reimschiissel 2014 

Feelings and little things

Look at those clouds!

I mean, they are just clouds and I am amazed at the artistry there is in the sky. This shot was just on the Interstate heading to my parents house.

I find myself being blessed by the simple happiness of my children.

I try to look at the world a little more like they would... minus the anxiety... just the happy, excited parts.

I went on a hike soon after we were back from St. George and I found myself being happy to see snow again... as little as it was.

On that hike I saw the aftermath of an avalanche that had gone over the trail and I just had to take a picture and stand in amazement at the power of nature and was reminded to always be mindful and aware of it's power.

I have so much joy in the sweet moments of our son's life that people are willing to share with me.

Brother has a good friend that sends me pictures sometimes from the school activities they go on.

This "face swap" really had my rolling... I think Brother was all too happy to have "beautiful eyelashes" for a moment.

This is the one that he was so excited for me to see. What better thing in life than to be a puppy?!

I'm appreciating every moment I see my kids spend with their Daddy.

I love that he was willing to get down on the floor to color in the giant coloring books that our friends gave to our kids just because.

I love that when Marc goes on a short hike he texts me pictures of the beautiful scenery so that I can enjoy it along with him in my own way.

I have always been grateful that I was raised on a farm, but it is so great that my Uncle Jeff still raises animals for us all to enjoy and help us feel like it's still "the farm" even with all the milk cows long gone.

I mean, how can a baby bunny not make you smile? Especially one that looks like it has a mustache!

This baby bunny was very exciting for the kids because it is only a few weeks old and teeny tiny.

I am so thankful that I have the patience and joy that it takes to find the sweet even during tough times with my kids.

This picture shows just how adorable Baby can be even when she has just thrown a huge tantrum, smacked me in the face and thrown something at her sister...

I am so happy that I can make colors come together in a fun way on a sidewalk... I feel like a kid kneeling down and getting my hands covered in colors!

I love that Sister is starting to get her sense of style and actually enjoys going shopping once in a great while... IF it's just for her... 

I am humbled by the love that our family shows to us and our children and love them exactly the way they are.

In fact, they love them so much that they find joy in moments with our kids and captured them to share with us.

We were outside cooking dutch oven potatoes and Brother was keeping Ranger warm.

Baby refuses to wear a coat. Sometimes we can get her to wear a blanket, but that night with the family she was determined to only have on her night gown. This is my sister trying to keep her warm and Baby couldn't be happier about the attention.

I feel so humbled and blessed that I have been able to be cast in "Saturday's Warrior."

I think it is an amazing opportunity to work with and laugh with new friends and to perform something that touches on the principles of eternity that I so strongly believe.

I mean, you can tell I am happy, right?

But, most of all, I am so happy that my brother, Aaron, thought to take a picture of my attempts of trying to avoid smoke inhalation while roasting hotdogs at my parents...

It's the little things...