The Happiest Place! (Last Day)

Saturday was all about Disneyland.

Saturday was also redemption day.

I had learned enough in the last two days that I knew, no matter what, Brother and I would be sticking with Debi and Abby... no matter what. I had discussed that with them too. So, bless their hearts, they completely planned everything around us and what would make Brother the happiest. They had arranged to meet up with a dear friend at lunch so they even made sure to have Miss Menlove in on the plan so that she knew what to do for us while they were gone. We told Brother the plan and even the part where Debi and Abby wouldn't be with us for a little bit and Brother seemed to be OK with the whole thing.

I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best... or at least better than yesterday.

Brother's demeanor leaving the hotel lobby that morning was so much more cheerful as we walked with all the team. You would never have ever guessed that just the day before was such a stark contrast. I mean he was even happy to get a picture with Coach Debi and the tiniest little palm tree we've ever seen!

The whole walk Brother was smiling and cheerful and I was thankful for every step that was enjoyed.

On the walk there I was working on my phone cropping the picture of Brother's Disneyland ticket that I had asked Gray to send me from her phone. I just wanted to make it as easy as possible to read for the ticket taker because Thursday night the ticket lady looking at Brother's ticket on Gray's phone struggled a tad and we had to enlarge it and turn it and shield it from the glares so that it could be read... so I was just trying to make life easier for the Disneyland worker we would be cheerfully greeted by at the entrance of the park. (Remember this little tidbit of info for reference in the next few paragraphs.)

We were all going to meet for the team picture in front of the Disneyland Castle so we were hoping to get everyone there at the same time and soon because everyone was also antsy to split into their groups and jump into their plans for the day. For that reason we all spread out into different lines so we could get through about the same time.

Alas, we ended up in the unhappiest line in the happiest place... yep... that's how I roll... nothing can ever be easy... ever!

So I just happened to choose the line that was being run by, I swear, the real and over-grown version of Grumpy, so that will be how I refer to our ticket-taker from here on out.

I approach Grumpy and he does not break character, "Hello," I grin at him and then leaning in I explain to him that my son standing next to me (who is bouncing and waving with pure excitement, shouting out happy phrases of joy to all as he watches his teammates and coaches entering the park) has special needs and that he lost his ticket but that I had a picture of his ticket on my phone, "What do you want me to do with that? I can't do anything with that. Where's his ticket?" he states and asks with wrinkled forehead and furrowed brow.

Still smiling, thinking maybe he misunderstood, I explain to him again the situation.

"Where's his picture? He has no picture. He has no ticket. I can't help you." He states with an astonishingly perfect impression of Grumpy during the part when Snow White tries to get him to dance.

I am confused at this point. "What picture?" I'm thinking to myself, "what is he talking about?"

Then I remember, "Oh ya, the lady on the California Adventure side Thursday night did take my picture, but didn't take Brother's."

"Um, we used this same picture of his ticket to get into the park two nights ago and there was no problem and she did not take a picture of him when she checked his ticket on his friend's phone," I calmly and kindly explained to him.

I wasn't calm to try to be nice to Grumpy, I was trying to stay calm because Brother was ready to explode. I wanted to step on Grumpy's toe and poke his eye! Brother was beginning to lean into me and growl and show his frustration at what I had caused. This was beginning to cause a little bit of a scene and the people behind us in line were getting ornery and anxious and Brother was sensing it.

"We came in with an entire cheer team on Thursday and they just handed all of our tickets to us and then they let us all in. No photos were taken. None of us have photos with our tickets, they didn't take photos," one of the Cheer moms that was in the line next to us explained to Grumpy. I thought for sure that would be the ticket to the ticket in... she was forthright and I am a pushover.

Grumpy didn't care.

Grumpy then grumbled at Brother and me to step aside so that me and my son wouldn't hold up the line any longer and let another few people in, then pauses and announces that there is nothing he can do and that he can't accept the ticket on the phone. I explain again that I was able to get back into the park Thursday night without any issues and asking him kindly because at this point Brother is starting to yell at me and we are becoming quite the the center of attention. Grumpy the ticket-taker was now frustrated with me trying to get in and was getting annoyed by Brother yelling at me in various moments and sometimes repeatedly one after the other, "Nana's little girl!!!!! Judy's little girl! This is your fault missy!" Brother would push me slightly and show me his mad face while lookers on walked through the ticket gate disgusted with the fact that they had to walk past us to get in.

We had waited in that line right in front of Grumpy for at least 15 minutes while he let others in and continued to explain he couldn't do anything about it all while not directly looking at us, yet giving us dirty looks. Finally Grumpy relented to, at least, get a manager or something to that effect and that if I was lucky enough they might be able to let Brother in, but he doubted it. I again tried to explain Brother's situation and asked why they couldn't just let us into the park.

I honestly thought that Brother and I were not going to be let into the park. I was picturing a day like yesterday and was already trying to plan out in my head how we were going to walk back to the hotel without a fiasco... or even going to buy another ticket to get in...

All because Disneyland employees all along the way didn't follow protocol I was now facing the Protocol King with a side of Evil Queen. From what I understand you are supposed to get your picture taken when you very first show your ticket and then after that when you show your ticket your photo then comes up on their screens so they can make sure you are being truthful or that someone didn't just take your ticket. I get it, I really do, it's ingenious really, but Grumpy had taken it too far and his tone toward my son with special needs was spreading through the line of vacationers. I really wish there would have been some one nice who would have talked nicer, acted nicer and tried to help Brother feel a little more safe and not so targeted and as if he had done something wrong.

I was also realizing at this point that we were the only ones left in line from the cheer team.

Brother pushed me a few more times and yelled a lot more times and finally our heroin arrived! She was an older lady...well, maybe my age (ha ha), but she was so nice and it took her only 5 minutes to remedy our situation, get Brother's picture taken and let us through. By this time the cheer mom who had seen what had happened to us had gone on ahead and told Abby and Debbi and they had just arrived in time to see us get through. It was so cute because Debi said it was a good thing that we'd gotten through when we did because she was about to start a ruckus (I know she would have done it in the cutest way, though.)

On our way in I saw Ariel and there really wasn't much of a line so I decided to get a photo with her so that I could keep my tears at bay. I also thought it might get Brother's mind off of what had just transpired... nope.

"It's all your fault! Judy's little girl!" he yelled as he marched past me.

The character handlers offered to take the picture for me, but I really wanted to take a selfie... I mean how often do you get to take a selfie with a Disney Princess right after a run-in with Grumpy?!

Brother got so incredibly excited when he saw Goofy, but was too nervous to stand in the long line for a picture so I told him I'd get a picture for him. I really to wish Brother and Goofy could have met--they have the same laugh!

One of my Disney bucket list pictures is me with the famous statue of Walt Disney and Mickey in front of the castle! But it is made even better by the pink blossoms fitting me with a beautiful spring hat!

Brother and Abby (his Disney Team)

We had missed being part of the team picture in front of the castle because we'd been held up for so long. I was bummed about that and so was Brother, but it was quickly forgotten when it was decided that we would be going through Sleeping Beauty's Castle!

He wasn't thrilled about the picture only because he was so excited to go inside and he didn't want to wait another second to get in there. Thank goodness he'll do anything for Coach Debi!

Oh he couldn't have been more excited and intrigued as we walked through the entire story and he would gasp at all his favorite scenes. This time I was tearing up because he was so happy and I was just so thankful that this day was going to be the best day after all.

And it really was. I mean, it was almost eerie how perfect it was for Brother, seriously. You will be shocked and amazed at how epic it all was. I'm going to mostly post pictures now and let you take in the happiness and excitement on Brother's face.

I had NO idea that there was a sword in the stone at Disney land! I can't even tell you how excited I was to give it a try. The Disney nostalgia was all just so exciting for me and I could hardly handle the beauty of it all! I felt like a kid again!

Miss Menlove and Brother give it a try

It's all magic!

Then came the "It's a Small World" ride.
I have heard nightmare stories about this ride and jokes that seem to give an accurate description...
BUT...
I was so amazed and intrigued thinking of Walt Disney and all of his ideas and dreams and how he pioneered so many things, just because he dreamed and made them come true. For me, "Small World" made me feel like Walt Disney was up in heaven enjoying our complete and total excitement. Brother would get excited right along with me.

In true Disney fashion everything is a treat even when you are waiting in line. There were even ornate animal-shaped topiaries of which the horse was Brother's favorite of course. 

Neither of us could contain ourselves as we entered Small World. It took me back to all the Sunday nights as a kid when Disney would have their family special on TV. My whole family gathered around on those special nights each week and that is when I became so intrigued with all that Disney did. They typically started the show with a previous/re-run introduction from Walt Disney or Roy Disney or the then CEO of Disney, Michael Eisner. Oh the good old days when families gathered around a small, squared, box-like television and ate homemade goodies and air-popped popcorn while we piled on blankets in our front room. That's why Walt Disney was such an intriguing man to me; because of him I have tender memories like that and I never even had the chance to go to Disneyland. I just felt the magic at the movies! (And yes, for those of you who might ask---I watched TV in color!) 

After the Small World ride we headed over to the Buzz Lightyear ride. Of course we are always on the lookout for characters and Brother was not going to let this storm trooper pass without giving him a piece of his mind about "being a stinker!"

Oh, Brother was giving him what-for and was quite relentless as you'll see over the course of the next few pictures...

I have it on video too, but eventually we had to pull him away so as not to get too annoying.
I did laugh though when the storm trooper said, "Someone needs to take care of these civilians!"

They may have been in a store window, but Brother was happy to get his photo op with these two.
(Side note: I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole Disney-Star Wars thing... it just doesn't seem... "Disney" to me, but I'm just a purist, I guess...)

Our pics from the rides: Brother and Abby

The lone star, Miss Menlove

Debi and me... if you've checked the scores you'll notice that me and Brother were still figuring things out...

Then the infamous Dole Whip. Honestly, I am not sure what the big deal is about getting a Dole Whip.
Don't get me wrong, I L.O.V.E. Dole Whip, but I've had it all kinds of places so
I wasn't sure why I had to have a Disney Dole Whip. I took the commemorative photo to document,
and trust me, it was absolutely worth every penny, but the best part was about to come.

The TIKI Room!!! Oh my Disney fan heart was leaping out of my chest!! Walt Disney magic untouched and just like it was when he dreamed it up. The only feature at Disneyland that is still the way he created it! I was so happy and giddy like a little kid watching all that happened in the show. I loved it! Especially thinking back to when Walt actually brought this all together how incredibly magical it must have been to the people who watched it before our lives were crowded with incredible special effects at every corner. Oh, it was magical!

Brother was so happy, he never stopped grinning. He loved watching the whole room come to life piece by piece! He could hardly contain himself when the flowers started to sing!

Then the highly anticipated (by me) Haunted Mansion! Here is Brother being freaked out by the mirrors in the entrance of the waiting area for the ride. He was being so brave and I was so proud of him for facing fears and enjoying the Disney Magic. His favorite part of the ride was the ghosts dancing in the ballroom. And it was, indeed, magical to watch. Brother could have sat and watch them waltz all night! I loved hearing him two seats away yelling to me everything he loved about the ride. He may have been sitting with Abby, but he was so excited to tell me everything that brought him joy... that's my reminder that I am special to him. I love those times.

Then it was time for Debi and Abby to meet up with their friend for lunch so Miss Menlove and I made sure he was OK with the transition by getting some amazing Disneyland beignets. I should have gotten two bags because Brother got to enjoy most of them... we all laughed at each other with our powders sugar mustaches and sprinkled clothing!

He might not look too thrilled in this picture, but it's only because he is totally into it.

But when we got him a Mickey Mouse pretzel we couldn't get the smile off his face. It was truly one of his big highlights.

 The next big highlight came when we were on our way to see one of his bucket list characters, Minnie Mouse, and we noticed that Mickey's Magic Map show was about to begin.

Debi and Abby had told Miss Menlove and I that if we had time for it that Brother would LOVE this show, so we figured, "what the heck" and waited in line.

Twenty minutes later and magic was happening... with the stage, but Brother too! I'm going to have get a YouTube video up of his complete and utter happiness and excitement as each character appeared on stage, but for now you will just have to use your imagination while you look at the still pictures.

I really need to get that video done... it is pure joy! Oh and I didn't even tell you about the moment he had with Merida from Brave. He wanted so badly to meet her earlier that day when we saw her before our Small World ride, but he was too nervous to stand in line so he looked on longingly as he slowly walked by and Merida looked up from the crowd of children she had in front of her and in her awesome accent asked, "Hello boy! Have you lost your horse?" And then Brother began talking to her in his accent... which wasn't Scottish, but his British accent was fantastic and caught the attention of everyone around. We couldn't stop laughing at how adorable the whole interaction was. Brother was in heaven that he got to talk to Merida in "her own language!" But I only got the last few seconds on video and no pictures. So imagine it...

Anyway, now we're on our way to see Minnie.

This is how wanted to get a photo with Goofy because he didn't want to wait to get in line...

He made me take this one for Sister

 We finally made it to Minnie's house. She was indeed there and was in her back yard taking pictures with guests under the arbor and Brother was already yelling her name and waving like Kermit the Frog to get her attention. He was so excited! I just wasn't quite sure how he'd do waiting in a line that we were told would take 35 minutes to get through to get a photo with her, but we made it... not without any hitch, at least they weren't big hitches!

We had to take a picture of us at the doorway to Minnies house just because it was such an epic feat just getting to that point after 30 minutes.

Brother kept himself happy and busy comparing how big he was compared to Minnie's house and her furniture

He giggled to see that he was as tall as her doorway

and she had a picture from one of his favorite Disney shows, Fantasia.
He could't have been prouder of her choice in artwork.

He kept saying, "Oh! This is quite cute actually." It was hilarious. He loved her tiny fridge and  even had to open it up to see what was inside. When he did open he matter fo factly said, "Well, she has quite the selection!" Miss Menlove and I busted up laughing but also got curious and took a look inside...

He was right, there was quite the selection... of cheeses!

He entertained himself in the kitchen a few more minutes before it was his chance to get a photo with Minnie

Then it finally came time for Brother to get a photo with Minnie! I'll just say that he was hesitant at first and then he just "warmed" right up! Miss Menlove was a big help with that!

Look how tight he has his arms around Minnie's waist! He was hugging her tight.

He told her he loved her and she kissed him. This is the shot milli-seconds after that because I didn't have my camera up and ready. He kept saying, "She bumped me with her nose!"

After he was done I snuck in a selfie of my own...

We were starting to leave, but he just couldn't say goodbye so he lingered on to tell her he loved her

Minnie responded by drawing a heart in the air and then pointing to him. He could hardly handle it, he was so ecstatic!

Then she "fainted" because she was so smitten by him. (We couldn't stop laughing with pure joy!)

Here she is sending love to me. She gave me many hugs and seemed so genuinely grateful that we were there.

His final "I love you's"

I warned him not to bump his head on Chip and Dale's doorway, but it did no good...

Miss Menlove and Brother enjoying the tree house from the top

All of us squished in their tree house

Then we stopped for a late lunch and I got myself the infamous Disneyland corn dog!
And I must say it totally lived up to the hype. Sorry mom, but it was even better than yours...
really I'm sorry... I should have just lied to you and not even brought it up at all...

Of course I was excited to get another picture with Walt!

Then to my surprise along comes a bus and the newsies hop off and start performing! I was so excited!
I felt like I was in Disneyland!!! ... Oh. Wait. Ha! I was!!

Then Brother excitedly interrupted my delight over Newsies pointing in the opposite direction and started squealing about Daisy and Donald Duck and "we need to do this for Sister!" determination. We all looked where he was pointing and then all of sudden we realized that the characters had just arrived and we had the chance to get right in the line that was already starting.

Brother couldn't contain his excitement as we made our approach to Daisy and Donald. I had to keep trying to calm him down a little so that he wouldn't scare any of the other guests from the line to much.

Daisy was his other bucket list character.

Once we got to her Brother jumped in and gave Daisy such a big hug that he lifted Daisy right of the ground! We couldn't believe it. The handlers there with the characters didn't know what to do either until Abby let them know his situation and that he meant no harm.

Well, lifting up Daisy didn't make Donald too happy and he was ready to fight Brother for her... Brother was so sassy and was not going to let Donald get the best of him!
Daisy chose brother in the end for our group photo... poor Donald.

Then with adrenaline still rushing we were on to new adventures.

He was very excited to see Malifacent even if she was only 5 inches tall

Then he saw Mulan on the wall and had to get a picture with her too...
I think he was just happy to not have to wait in line for photos.

Brother didn't care for Gru much at all... especially since he hadn't been able to go on the ride two nights before due to his fears... but after seeing him he started conversation with Abby about how this time he was going to do it.
(More on that later)

We then were off to Cars Land. I think it was about 4 or 5 when we got there and we actually got on the ride just a hair after sunset... Wow!!! That was a LOOONG line. In fact, it was so long that I was able to witness several things of interest... One was a father and his son weaving past us in line with an empty soda bottle to which I was thinking what a good example he was of putting litter in a waste basket and not just leaving it on the ground. Then my opinion changed when the same two males weaved back through, but this time the soda bottle was full to the top with yellow liquid... um... now I was thinking that bathrooms would have been a good thing to have along the lines to these rides... and why was he walking back with it... was there no trash can a long the way? Ick. I don't want to know. I also learned that Brighton is totally capable of waiting in long lines as long as his "friends" are with him. I was seeing him do many things that I hadn't seen him do before and I was so proud of him and also slightly jealous that it wasn't me who motivated him.

The Cars ride was amazing and I loved every minute of it... even the parts where I felt a tad queasy. When we got off the ride we had many people comment on how much fun we were to watch...

pure fear on mine and Brother's faces

Lightening McQueen was out and about so Brother had to get a cameo with him.

Then we went to Belle's Library which, if you ever go to Disneyland that is a place you should go. It seems to be a bit undiscovered, but was such a gem of a place. Brighton loved this storybook where Lumiere would tell you what Disney character you would be!

Ha! Hook! He was slightly disappointed. I got Alice in Wonderland... which I would never have guessed... but, hey, I never though of Brother as a nasty pirate either!

A few years ago I had the amazing opportunity to be in a play at the SCERA Shell, Mary Poppins. I met many dear friends while in that play and one of them as Disney Dreamer and Artist, Hayden. He works at Disneyland as the skipper on the Jungle Cruise. I had arranged with him to be there when he was working so that we could enjoy his tour and give him big hugs.

We felt like movie stars as they led us through the back way to avoid the line and get right on to Hayden's boat where he was waiting for us. It was crazy to boot, when another fellow cast member from Mary Poppins was just getting off the ride with Hayden! How cool was that to be surprised by him too... although, I have to admit a funny misunderstanding. Earlier that day I had sent a text to Hayden asking him if he knew if Hercules would be anywhere in the park because Brother wanted to meet him. He replied that he didn't know if Hercules was even in the park at all anymore, but then quickly responded with, "I have word that Woody will be at the park today." I was like, "oh cool, not exactly Hercules, but we love 'Toy Story' ... " Brother doesn't have him on the list of Disney characters to meet, but I'm sure he'll still be happy to see him. I kept an eye out for Woody at the park, but never did see him. It wasn't until I ran into our fellow castmate named Woody that I finally realized what Hayden had meant. Ha ha ha ha!!

The ride was amazing and Brother was enthralled with the whole thing, but was especially impressed with Hayden's humor and charm while giving us the jungle tour! Brother couldn't stop smiling. Literally. He still smiles when you bring up Hayden and says, "He's such a good guy!"

A big thanks to Hayden for helping end our amazing day at Disneyland on a high note. I have no idea, and really highly doubt that you'd get a raise because some random blog mom of kids with Fragile X Syndrome sang your praises, but I'll say it anyway, just in case (wink).

We couldn't stop smiling because we were so happy to see each other, but we also couldn't stop laughing at Brother's excitement and humorous comments.

There were probably about 10 more of these... your welcome... I picked the 3 best

Brother's last photo op with the Disneyland Castle.

I seriously thought this was our goodby to Disneyland, but I was quickly informed that Brother and Abby were excited to take their moms (Debi and me) on the Guardians of the Galaxy ride! Well, this was a surprise to me... did everyone remember the sheer panic attack he had just walking up to the entrance of the ride? The one we didn't go on because I was calming him down outside the ride, confirming it was OK...

I admired Brother's determination to go on the ride that everyone else had and wanted to conquer his fear. I knew there was no way I was going to go on it, so I obliged to go knowing that Brother would back out and I would just go with him...

I never learn.

Long story short we get through the line to get to the beginning of the other wait in line and Brother has already been sweating with cold, clammy hands since the movie screens where he had bailed out before. He was continually saying out loud to me, "I can do this. This isn't scary. I'm so brave."

There were a few pre-show things that made him laugh and helped him forget how scared he was, but then we came to the stairs.

There were a lot of stairs.

It was very dark and very industrial looking with lots of noise and sparks as if we were underneath a space ship that was being repaired.

Brother, Abby, Debi and I were continuously reassuring Brother that he was brave.

But after seeing him shake and his face going pale I was really concerned about him and could see that he was not going to back down no matter how scared he was.

I was in awe at his resolve to do this just because he wanted to conquer his fear and be like his friends, but I was also holding back tears watching his body literally try to stop his mind from his goal.

I didn't know what to do. I had learned yesterday that Brother does not do well with my authority and that me telling him to not go and that I would leave with him would actually make things worse and may put us in danger on these multiple stairways to the entry of the ride. I kept saying, "You are so brave to have even come to this point, you really don't have to do this, you're already so brave." I was screaming in my mind that he just had to turn around, but on the outside I was calmly allowing him to make his own choice.

We came to the platform to enter the pod of the ship (ride) and Brother's chin began to shake and chatter. He could hardly get the phrase out, "I'm so brave," because of the shaking his nerves were debuting. Sweat was glistening on his brow with every blink of the red light from the ship's hull and he couldn't hold on to anything because his hands were drenched in fear.

I was doing everything I could think of to make it his idea to leave and not go on the ride and to say that what he had done was completely enough.

I was now starting to panic. I'd never seen Brother quite this way, this scared and yet, this determined. I didn't know what to do. I honestly pictured in my mind the worst scenarios like him fainting on the ride or worse even lashing out and hurting himself or someone else because he might go into complete hysteria all while being enclosed in this small space.

My tears were coming. My breath was quickening. I was getting myself physically ready to carry Brother from the ride to save him from his fear and anxiety.

"I can't. I just can't do this. I thought I could, but I just can't. I'm sorry, I just can't do this. Brother, will you come with me? I don't want to leave on my own. Will you help me get back safely?"

Those words were as if they were spoken by an angel. Brother's face immediately flushed back color and his chin was down to a slight wavering, "Well of course Miss Debi!" he exclaimed with complete confidence knowing that he would do anything for his coach.

I looked at Debi and we gave each other that "mom" exchange and I knew that she knew what I was dealing with and that it couldn't be me to say, "no."

She had given up her time with her daughter to help Brother stay safe and give me peace in my heart.

I watched the angel and Brother leave for the safety of the outside world and sighed in relief.

I turned and looked at Abby and it dawned on me then, "Wait!! Wait!! I didn't want to go on this ride in the first place. I was only going to help with Brother." Now it was just me. I was the only mom there and I didn't want to leave Abby alone when her own mother had just made a sacrifice to help me. If Debi can do hard things like sacrificing her time with her own daughter for my son, then I would do the same.

The doors opened and we walked in.

I had no idea what I was in for.

Extreme ups and downs that made me cry out in complete and total fear. I was freaking out! I think it took me a good 3 hours to calm my nerves after I got off that ride.

I was glad that I was able to make it more enjoyable for everyone else in my pod. While I was screaming my head off and begging the higher ups to make it end, they were all having a great laugh!

When we came out the exit doors, there were Brother and Debi filling us with compliments of how brave we were. Brother was so proud of me... and himself. His jacket and shirt were still damp from his panic sweating, but his color was back, the glisten on his brow was gone, and his real smile was making his eyes smile.

I don't know... Nope. Definitely not. Did not see that one coming... (Day 2)

"You're going the wrong way, mom!!!!"

"That's the wrong way!! No, Mom! The wrong way!"

Dream sequence fog glitters in and out...

Practice for the Cheer Competition was Friday morning.

Brother and I had talked about it several times; me asking if he wanted to go support the girls and him giving a bashful "no" or a shy "I don't know."

"I don't know."

That phrase should have been my cue.

But, I wasn't really sure if he should go either so I really took his "I don't know" as just that... that he wasn't sure either.

Usually, well, mostly, OK... 98 percent of the time when Brother says, "I don't know," it means "yes."

This took many, many trials of seeing him fall apart for me to realize that "I don't know" was actually his way of saying "yes" when he felt pressure to have an answer but wasn't sure if "yes" was going to be taken positively so saying, "I don't know," left room for him to excuse himself from any embarrassment of being told, "no."

Here's an example in case none of that paragraph made sense.


Me: Do you want to got bowling with Lauren?

Brother: I don't know.

Me: OK, that's great because she'll be here in 15 minutes.


Brother says, "I don't know," because that way if my answer was, "Well, I'm sorry, but you can't got bowling with her today," he can more easily dismiss his embarrassment to the opposite reaction he was hoping for.

So, keeping that translation in mind you can decipher what was really being said when we discussed Brother going to practice with the girls to get ready for competition on Friday morning...


Me: Brother, you understand that you are here to support your cheer team for their competition, right.

Brother: Ya.

Me: Would you still like to go watch them practice and show support?

Brother: I don't know.

Me: They'll be meeting in the morning to walk over together. Should we go with them?

Brother: I don't know.


Well, I try really hard to be the best judge I can in all circumstances with our kids and even though I have been doing this for 18 years I still make mistakes all the time.

Welcome to motherhood.

After seeing how long it took for him to calm down from the day at Disneyland and considering how late he finally fell asleep, I didn't have the heart to stir him from his snoring/drooling/floppy-faced slumber when I woke for breakfast that morning. I thought he really needed his rest. So, I took a risk and left him alone sleeping in the room while I went downstairs to bring up a plate of breakfast for him and me. I had gotten there so close to the end of breakfast time that there wasn't much to choose from, but it helped make the selection quicker so I could run back to our room.

He was still snoring and drooling with his arm dangling lifelessly from the edge of the bed, which was a relief that all was still as I had left it. I tried several times to wake him gently, but it finally took physically flipping him over to get him to stir.

He was happy with the bacon I had scavenged for him from what remained at the bottom of the serving tray and the hash browns too.

Again, about 30 minutes before the team was going to be gathering for their walk to practice, I asked Brother if he wanted to go support his team at practice, but this time I threw in, "or do you want to just sit here and watch Disney channel?"

The Disney Channel.

Also known as the nail in my coffin.

Practice was at 10:30 am and everyone was going to be meeting up for a team lunch at 2:00.

I figured I'd give ourselves plenty of time to make the 10 minute walk to the restaurant in case he wanted to stop and check anything out along the way or whatever... Honestly I was just so happy with how well he had done the day before that I was totally looking forward to spending time with just him. Marc or I don't ever get one on one time with Brother because... well... we're mom and dad... we don't fit in his category of "friends." Mom and Dad are just that, mom and dad. We are his home base, his comfort zone, his go-to when times are rough, his meal ticket, his life support, his home. So this opportunity to be with him on this walk one-on-one was a treat for me and I was excited about the possible bonding that might happen on this short walk to lunch.

So at 1:00 Brother and I were ready to walk over to meet up with the team for lunch. We would be walking the point six mile stretch to the entrance of Disneyland and then down the main street between the parks to get to the restaurant we were to meet at.

I should have been ready for the catastrophe that was about to ensue when once we got to the hotel lobby Brother began looking around and asking where his friends were.

"They went to practice earlier. Remember?" I stated cautiously.

He looked slightly disgusted by this announcement and frustrated with me for not meeting with everyone in the lobby to walk together.

When we exited the front doors, I sensed his panic heighten. We were no more than eight feet from the entry when he yelled, "Judy's little girl!" but this time it was not followed by a giggle or half smile. He was mad.

I had my maps on so that I would know how to get to the rendezvous point and saw another route that might be a little faster so I hesitantly turned right and walked a few feet and realized that this plan would not work and that we would need to take the same route we had the day before, you know, for routine's sake.

I'm not sure if I had continued to go right and just bluffed my through that it would have changed the course of what was about to ensue, but I chose to go to the left as we had done the first day.

"You're going the wrong way, mom!!!! That's the wrong way!! No, Mom! The wrong way!"

I'm starting to see my mistake and understanding that we should have gone to the practice that morning, but it was too late now and all I could do was let his anxiety yell at me until it would calm enough to walk in the direction I was suggesting—left.

I saw a young family walk past us in a rush as they could see that Brother was about to lose his top and his long arms flailing at me and his strong cheering voice yelling at me was giving all the passersby no inclination that he was having a good time.

Then he bolted.

Unexpectedly.

I did not see that one coming.

He runs a little like a puppet controlled by strings that are too long for full control and yet it is truly amazing at how fast he can move!

Especially when it is looking like he has no intention of stopping at the crossway of heavy traffic!

I panicked.

The over-the-top-mother came out in my head and I was picturing him running aimlessly into the traffic!

I was trying to keep my cool as much as I could while worrying about the safety of my son and trying to run while my ankle (healing from surgery) is still trying to figure out how to walk briskly, let alone run.

"Stop!!!" I screamed.

"Stop!!"

I was grateful when he seemed to notice the few people waiting there at the crosswalk and he stopped because they were stopped, definitely not because I asked him to.

He was still yelling/screaming at me and as soon as one desperate person trying to flee this strangers rants put one foot off the curb, Brother was running maniacally across to the adjacent sidewalk.

I hurried to catch up with him.

At this point I'm not sure if I am crying or if the breeze from running is irritating my eyes, but I can feel the tears streaking over my eyelids and into my smile lines (yup, smile lines, that's what they are). I start dabbing at my eyeliner in hopes that while chasing and being yelled at by my son that I'm not looking like some kind of nightmare to the passersby.

Then he suddenly and completely, randomly runs from the sidewalk off the curb to the side of the busy street! There was a car passing by right at that time and I'm not sure who was more scared, me or the driver of that car. It didn't look like a good situation even if it wasn't intentional... and I'm pretty sure it wasn't, but terrifying nonetheless. I think he was just fleeing from me and really didn't pay attention to the fact he had just almost darted onto the road.

I screamed, "NO! Stop!" again and that was not a good idea, I knew I had to gain control of my emotions so that I could be completely calm and, in turn, have him deescalate or even start to enjoy our walk together.

He kept yelling at me. We even scared a homeless man that was at the corner asking for handouts. He didn't even try asking us to give him anything, but you could tell he was nervous about the situation heading his way and couldn't decipher if he should try to help me or the young man who was yelling at me.

Now I can say, "Hey, you know it's bad when you scare a homeless man!"

A lot of things that I am not going to give detail to at this time, but let's just say that my eyes were stinging with tears and eyeliner.

I felt helpless. I finally thought to call Brother's coach, Debi to quickly and quietly describe the situation and see if there were anywhere near where Brother and I were at that moment. They were still too far away and were actually approaching the restaurant completely from the other side.

I cut the phone call short when Brother, once again, had put himself in a dangerous situation.

It had been about 45 minutes of constant nightmarish chaos causing dirty looks, scared faces and complete confusion/concern and my dream of bonding with my son on a walk was now long forgotten.

I was trying to keep the flood gates of my tears closed so that while trying to get Brother safely to the restaurant I didn't make a really bad situation look even worse.

Not only was I now staking claim on the Homeless man too scared of us, but now I can say that Disneyland security guards and their dogs would come near us to assess the situation, but seemed to be catching on that Brother had some special needs going on and would cautiously and slowly leave.

NOTICE:
I am going to insert something here. I know that you mean well, but if you are one of those people who wants to say, "Well, it sounds like a typical 18-year-old boy who doesn't want to be with his parents," just don't even let it come out of your mouth. You can think it, but please don't say it out loud unless your typical adult son has acted out his feelings about not wanting to be with you like a toddler would then you cannot possibly think that saying "he's acting like any other 18-year-old" could ever make me feel better or add any less stress to the situation. I am laughing about bits and pieces here and there, because I have to laugh to stay sane, and frankly there are always funny things, but don't belittle the situation by saying that it was no big deal.
NOTICE OVER.

To be honest there were a few times that I almost stopped the security officer on purpose to ask for help in getting my son to our meeting point. I was desperate and just wasn't sure I was going to make it.

I'll now skim past the pouting, hiding, screaming, raging, darting, and stopping to get to the point of the security check at the entrance.

Surprisingly he was starting to calm down at this point. This spot must have seemed more familiar to him and he was feeling safer in the "routine" he was remembering from the day before. Debi called at this time and I was talking to her and Brother continued to calm even more as he was reassured in hearing her voice saying that we were heading in the right direction. He was starting to notice Minnie Mouse and other characters in the store fronts and that was a very good sign that his anxiety was starting to take a break.



My tears had dried and I could only imagine what my face looked like from all the eyeliner and mascara I had put on to help the selfies I was hoping to take with my son on our fantastic walk to Disneyland that morning. Don't worry, I didn't get any pictures, but when we walked past the LEGO store Brother was calmed down enough that I, at least, got some photos of the cool structures built out of LEGO bricks. I tried to cheer Brother up by offering to take a picture of him with Belle and the Beast in LEGO form, but he yelled, "Judy's little girl!" and darted from me... so I just got the sculptures.

As soon as we reached the restaurant I started to cry again. Out of relief that it was over I guess.

One of Brother's teammates who has Down Syndrome was already there with her parents and Brother was happy to see them and start socializing with them. I was completely distraught to here that they too just hung out at the hotel that morning and walked to the restaurant not too long before we did. My heart ached that if I had just reached out to them, the whole fiasco would have been avoided because Brother would have been walking with friends.

Sigh.

Here's a pretty picture of the fish tank at the restaurant entrance though...

Lunch tasted very good, but conversation was tough as I was trying to explain what had happened with the walk there to the coaches and parents without succumbing to tears and feelings of inadequacy for raising Brother, again, I just have to mention that I had no idea what my face looked like after the waterworks and wind and stinging eyes from irritation of too much make-up... (and trust me, when I did get back to the hotel and had the chance to look at myself in the mirror, I had to laugh hysterically at myself because it looked like I had 3 painted black stripes running vertically up my eyelids with reddened puffiness at the bottom and grayish substance gathering the smile lines with raindrop shapes stretching out to me hair line! Trust me! It was a sight to behold. I am truly amazed at the strength of the other adults to not say a word about how I looked, but I also made sure to get after them for not telling me. Ha ha ha ha ha!)

Anyway, after lunch I had vowed that I would NEVER go anywhere on this trip unless Brother and I were with his coaches, Debi and Abby. So on our way back to the hotel to get ready for competition we made sure to stick by their sides.

Of course when we walked back by the LEGO store he just had to get a picture with Belle and the Beast with his coaches. (heart)

Looking at him in this picture you would never guess at what the previous two hours had held.

I made sure to help Brother feel involved by coming with me to help braid girls' hair for the competition. He was happy to be with them and I was happy that he was too.

Brother walked in with the team to the competition and my heart sank just a little bit as I realized that I was walking into a competition only to watch my son be a spectator, but I had talked to him about being the best spectator possible.

And he was!

He even got to be in the team picture they took before the competition!

He's down there at the bottom of the mats cheering loud and clear for his friends. 

He was so happy for them. It really was fun to watch!

After their performance we waited for the results.

We were all a little disheartened to hear that we didn't place in the preliminaries to be able to go to the finals the next day.

In my heart and Brother's, though, Orem High School Cheer Squad will always be the best of the best, number one, top of the crop!

Brother was so proud to have his picture taken on the stage!

I asked Brother if he had fun and 

he grinned and jumped and yelled excitedly, 

"YES!"

No "I don't know" was needed this time! 

He was positive what my response would be.

It was all worth it.

First Ever Trip to Disneyland and Cheer Competition (Day 1)

It was about 4:00am, "I forgot his I.D.!"

I said this loudly in the back seat of our friends' Surburban as I was trying to figure out why I felt like I was forgetting something.

We were only 15 minutes away from the airport and we were now 45 minutes away from home and I have just realized that I forgot that my son is now 18 years old, and therefore needs to have an I.D. to fly on an airplane...

(sound of a record screeching to a halt)

Brother and I were on our way to Disneyland with his cheer squad for cheer competition nationals.

Neither one of us have ever been to Disneyland!

Ever!

I'm 41 and never been to Disneyland!

Brother is 18 and never been to Disneyland.

And now he had no I.D.

Seems like such a simple thing for me to remember.

Part of my forgetfulness may have been partly related to my extreme excitement to go to a place I've dreamed of going for almost my whole life, but I think it's mostly because I've never traveled alone with one of our kids and especially not on a plane so as confident as I felt there is definitely a reason that Marc is my other half... he remembers most of what I forget.

So at 4:15am I called Marc to wake him from his sleep to ask him to take photos of Brother's birth certificate, social security card, school I.D. and our certified letter of legal guardianship. I figured that something was better than nothing.

Brother was already pretty amped up about his first time to Disneyland which also lends itself to helping his anxiety levels to be either high or ready to explode so the fact that his mom had forgotten something this important, and he could tell how important it was by the tones we were all using to talk about it, he was on the verge of explosion.

We got our bags checked in.

Then we were on our way to TSA checkpoint to get to our flight.

"Umm, so, umm, ya, my son has special needs and I am new to this whole 18 year old son scenario and legal guardianship thing and I totally wasn't thinking and forgot his I.D." I was slightly leaning in with a loud whisper in the TSA employee's ear because I didn't want to cause a scene, draw attention to Brother or cause Brother to start screaming at me in a tight-spaced, high emotion, hurried environment, "I have pictures my husband sent me of his Birth Certificate, Social Security..."

That's where she stopped me and slightly perturbed asked, "Do you have any physical copies with you ma'am. We cannot accept photos of the documents."

I was about to feel my heart sink when Brother began to get riled and yelling at me for messing up and his physical aggression was teetering on making an appearance.

I asked the employee if there was anything I could do so that we wouldn't miss our flight that was going to take us to the land of pure happiness and joy.

She was very kind and I could see she was being especially careful in her wording now as she was becoming aware of the situation that we were facing with an over-anxious, 18-year old, 6 foot 2 inch tall man in our presence, "Oh, it's totally going to be fine. We just need to pull in someone who will verify your ticket information and make a few phone calls to get you through."

She ushered Brother and I aside so that we would not hold up the line of ever collecting people who were already huffing at my stupidity holding them from getting where they needed to go.

As we stood there waiting Brother made sure to throw in a few jabs at me now and then to release his anxiety and make sure that everyone knew this was all my fault.

Then the TSA manager came.  The lady who had been helping us then turned to explain the situation and the manager quickly looked over at Brother and asked, "When did you turn 18?"

Brother froze in fear so I leaned forward to prompt him and nothing came out of his mouth so this time I repeated her question a little louder. Still no answer so I prompted him. He repeated the month and day, each after I said it first. The manager smiled and said, "They're good."

And there it was! We were on the other side of the turn-thingy that you have to walk through.

Now on the hour and a half flight to LA.

I made sure to pack Brothers High School Musical microphone, that has been his constant companion since age 10, and his iPod.

The plane was mostly full of our cheer team and some other local cheer teams and parents so I wasn't too concerned about his dramatic singing to entertain his friends and fellow cheer squad member with his renditions of various Shania Twain songs. He had most of us giggling and/or singing along as his antics got bigger and better.

He wasn't sitting by me.

Of course not.

He's 18. He's NOT going to sit by his mom like he's on the 3rd grade field trip.

So he had already planned with some of his friends from cheer that he would sit with them.

I sat behind him so that I wouldn't miss too much of the joy of watching him socialize on his terms or be able to quickly intervene if he decided to fall apart or something.

See, the saga of me screwing up and forgetting his ID and such now seems to be forgotten

He was far from that though. He loved sitting by his friends. I loved sitting behind them.

I listened to Brother being social, making jokes and giggling profusely when they said something funny.

Then it came time to land.

Brother threw his arms up as the wheels were touching the ground and squealed with complete and udder delight, "This is so much fun!!!!!!" Then he squealed, inaudibly, a few more excited words in the high-pitched excitedness and everyone began to celebrate with him and laugh and laugh and laugh. Lucky for me one of his team members got the last squeals on video! We all took turns watching it because it would bust us up every time.

inside LAX waiting for his teammates' baggage

And so it was going to begin. I knew that if he was this excited about a plane landing then Disneyland was going to blow him out of the water.

I had it all planned out. I may have forgotten his I.D. but I had made sure to have a plan of how to document Brother's every shout of glee and every shiver of excitement by having my portable iPhone chargers at the ready, my awesome just-got-it-for-Christmas-from-my-husband-bluetooth-selfie-stick ready for the epic filming that was about to go on. None of these fantastic moments were going to be missed. Especially because it was both of our first times to be there so it just had to be documented the right way.

"Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am! You can't take that selfie stick into Disneyland! They aren't allowed. They'll just take it from you and throw it away."

I slowly lowered my selfie-stick and my self confidence after filming an epic entry to the entry of the entry of the entry of the Disneyland entrance.

Well, I thought it was the happiest place on earth until that moment.

My plans of documenting me and my son walking into Disneyland for the first time ever together was now floating down the drain of forgotten dreams and broken Mickey Ears.

I picked my confidence up off the brick-laden walk-way to the gate of security, asked that the coaches and girls he loved would take him through to Disneyland without me so as to prevent another anxiety ridden experience for Brother and then trek the point six miles back to our hotel to rid myself of the heathen selfie stick, then trek back the point six miles to Disneyland selfie stickless so I could enter and, at least eat my first Disneyland lunch with my son for our first time.

Luckily, my arm works as a pretty decent selfie stick and I was able to film myself entering the magical kingdom by myself. I was pretty much in tears on the inside, but kept it together on the outside when I got excited about seeing Chip and Dale and Goofy pretty much right off the bat.

As I walked up the street of the famous Disney Castle I admit that my heart was a little low knowing that I had missed this exciting moment with Brother.

I had finally reached the destination that he was at with his friends for lunch, The Jolly Holiday Cafe.

There he was happily waiting for me with 3 of his teammates with a big grin on his face, excited anxiety in his eyes, and overstimulation on his face. I held back the tears as, unknown to anyone else around him, saw that this experience was tough for him, but he was holding it together. I was proud of him and I was sad for him too.

I asked his teammates if they would sit with him a little longer while I got us some food.

When I went in I wasn't shocked by the food prices because I had been warned, but I was more worried about the fact there was really nothing at that café that Brother would eat... oh boy...

Then I saw the Chicken and Green Apple salad! Ta da! Brother and I would share lunch, he would eat the apples and chicken and I would eat the salad. It was perfect and Brother's worried face calmed when he saw I had brought out two things he really loved to eat.

Sitting on the patio of the Jolly Holiday Café

The picture I took to prove that I had, indeed, found something Brother would eat

Then it was on with the itinerary of the day. Thursday was team day and we all stuck together in a group for all the rides and meals. Brother was very happy about this arrangement since he lives to be with his cheer friends and beloved coaches.

Our first stop was the Indiana Jones Ride!

Brother with Gray and her mom getting ready to enter the Indiana Jones Ride

This pic makes me laugh because I didn't even notice that my had was covering Brother's face! Ha! Ha! 

His happy face while waiting in the Disneyland lines!

Still, one month later, Brother says that Indiana Jones was his favorite ride. I think partly because it was his first ever ride in Disneyland, but also, it was really fun! Brother's favorite part was the "drops." That's how his assistant coach, Abby, would explain if the rides were scary or not and Brother took this to heart for every ride after that. He would turn to Abby and ask, "Are there drops?" whenever we were going to go on another ride. So Indiana Jones was his "first drop," therefore his most memorable one.

Pirates of the Caribbean was right up there on the nostalgia meter for me and for Brighton and we giggled and cheered for all the awesome moments along the way. It was truly magical!

showing that he is as tall as the doorway to the Pirates ride...
I was always able to find him because of his height compared to the rest of the crowd.

Brother wanted to be by his friend, Gray's side (her name has been changed for this since I didn't ask permission to use it) the entire time, yet also wanted the companionship and love of his coaches, Debi and Abby. So he would do everything Gray wanted to do, yet always had to have Debi and Abby with him for the ride. I learned this the hard way when we were about to get on the Thunder Mountain Ride. He wanted to go all the way up until the very last moments before getting on and then he wouldn't get in the car with me and was making quite a scene in which I wasn't helping because I thought if I pulled him into the car he would move past his anxiety for that moment like he usually does, but he made it look like I was trying to kidnap him and then frantically ran back to sit by Abby a few cars behind us. So, in order to not look too creepy I sat alone in the car I was standing dumbfoundedly in and hung on for dear life. Did I mention I don't like rides. At all. Oh boy, I think it was only my embarrassment that kept me from "Code V" which is what I hear is Disney term for "vomit."

I tried to get pictures of the group together, but I never got them all in one shot, but at least we have some.

Waiting for our turn to ride the steam train to the other side of the park for the Space Mountain ride.

He's pointing at me saying, "Judy's little girl!"
That line became his go-to phrase for me whether it was for insult or giggles.

In case you forgot, or didn't know, Brother LOVES trains, especially steam trains so this little gem that would take us to the other side of the park was quite a highlight for Brother.

posing for his photo op with the steam train

We had a LONG wait for the train so Brother made himself comfortable 

Brother and Gray showing me how tired they are while waiting for the train.

going through the tunnels was a big highlight

My next life lesson came when we got in line for the Space Mountain ride. We had been a little behind the group since Brother was wanting to be with his coaches and we had taken a little restroom detour. When we got to our spot in line Brother wanted to be with Gray WAY ahead in line with some of the group that had gotten there earlier and just he just HAD to be up with them. So, we jumped up in line to be with Gray and the others.

The line for Space Mountain was so loooong! Looking behind us where we were in line I realized that it would be at least 45 minutes before the coaches and the others in their group would even be to the same place as us.

As we approached the entrance of the actual ride and not the entrance of the entrance of the entrance of the line of the entrance of the line to wait to get to the entrance I started to pick up on the fact that Brother kept looking behind us. It wasn't until we got all the way to the actual stairway entrance of the ride that I was rudely awakened to my ignorance that he was looking for his safe person, Abby, to be there to ride with him, but she was, at least, 45 minutes behind us. Brother was in complete panic mode. He was melting... that's the best way to describe it all in just one word... melting... for the length of the post I will leave that to your interpretation.

There was no way he was going to get on this ride.

But, I also found out there was no way he wasn't going to go on this ride.

The cast members running the ride were so kind to us and were very understanding and accepting of out situation and allowed Brother and I to stand out of the way near the exit wall. A couple of the cast members came to check up on us a few times to assess the situation and I just explained that he was too scared to go on the ride without his friend, Abby, and that he wanted to wait for her even though she was so far behind. I'm actually not sure how long we waited, but, to me, it seemed like and eternity as I watched Brother's anxiety levels spike and endured barrages of insults and name calling being spurted out by his anxiety.

Poor guy. I felt so sorry for him. A grown man he looks to many, yet falling apart like a toddler. I could tell he was embarrassed, yet couldn't get it under control. My heart ached for him. I wanted so badly to fix the situation, but there was nothing I could do but patiently wait for Abby to make it to the ride. I literally, as his mother, had NO way to mother him. I felt like a failure.

I took this picture to remember the struggle of the moment, but it was a good distractor for at the time too. If you look closely you can see the panic in Brother's face... poor kid.

Then we saw Abby coming through the walk-way and Brother's demeanor completely changed, a total 180! He was so happy to ride Space Mountain with Abby, his assistant coach, and was quick to ask her about the "drops" and if it was scary.

I was still a little queasy from the Thunder Mountain ride and, frankly, emotionally and physically drained from holding him during his panic, that I opted to not ride and just wait for the small group at the exit of the ride.

I walked back and waited at the exit of the ride feeling defeated and inadequate.

Then Brother came from the exit of the Space Mountain ride in complete and total triumph and excited exhilaration announcing that "it was so much fun!" and there were "so many drops!" and it "was so scary!"

I reminded myself that I had been strong enough to wait with him, to endure the stares and awkward glances, questioning faces and uneducated comments all just to allow him to overcome his fear and enjoy the ride, even if it wasn't with me.

Besides, I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself, Brother was back on his Disney high and ready for the next adventure!

We split up into groups for dinner and then headed over to the California Adventure side for some more fun. When we went to get into the California Adventure Gates we had to show our tickets again and it was then that I realized that Brother's ticket had been lost along the way. Luckily Gray knew to take a picture of Brother's ticket in case of that very situation so she was able to bring the photo up on her phone and the cast member at the gate was happy to let Brother in.

Anway, we were off to ride Soarin', which when I first heard the name of the ride I thought it was some sort of fantasy-type ride from "Lord of the Rings" or something and was so confused as to what that had to do with Disneyland... I kept thinking they were saying Soren or Sorin, or something. So when I finally got to the gate of the entry of the beginning of the line and saw "Soarin'" on the sign it all made much more sense... soaring... minus the 'g' and it was Soarin' like soaring in a plane over the land... That ride was a definite favorite of mine and Brothers and we were screaming and giggling with excitement as we "soared" over Paris and Egypt, Brother's two favorite places.

Brother was so giddy with Disney magic excitement! It was absolutely contagious!

Everyone was so excited to go on the new "Guardians of the Galaxy" ride, which to those who know Disneyland would know it was the old Tower of Terror ride.

The line for this one was a long one and, frankly, hearing about what it was I did NOT want to go, but Brother wanted to do what his friends were doing and he was set to do this ride also.

Brother is extremely sensitive to music, sounds and voice inflections or voice tones so sometimes even when something isn't scary at all, it will seem scary to him because of how the music sounds to him. As we got closer to getting to the start of the ride Brother started to become agitated and fearful because of the dialogue and music going on with the ambiance of the ride. I could see that he wasn't going to make it. He wanted to go with Abby on the ride so badly so he kept pushing forward, but he finally lost the fight to keep going. I took him into my arms and out the closest exit to try to calm him down.

It was a really rough next 15 or so minutes of my trying not to cry or meltdown so that he could cry and meltdown instead. I took a couple pictures to remind me of how hard those moments were.

He was so scared and so panicky that he could hardly look at the camera.

It was getting cold outside so one of the cast members allowed for us to stand inside the door way
of the exit so that we could warm up. This is Brother trying to get some sensory input and some much needed comfort.
I remember taking a picture at this specific moment because I don't want people to think that this trip was all easy and that Brother just enjoyed every moment. It was hard and it was rewarding.

When we met everyone at the end of the ride, Brother was so happy for them and told them they did a good job by going. He was so happy for them and kept reassuring himself that he was still very brave just by getting to the entry.

The almost half mile walk back to the hotel was full of laughter and story telling of things that had gone on that day and Brother was all smiles.

We got back to our hotel room about 10:30 and it took until almost 12:30 for him to finally calm all of his faculties down enough to fall asleep.

It had been a big first day and we had been awake for a full 20 hours... it was definitely time for bed.

And if I had known what was on the morrow... I would have gotten a little more sleep and prayed a lot harder during my evening prayer...