I thought I had life planned out when I was 18.
Such a funny thought.
How would I even know what to plan for life at 18?
Now 23? Ya, 23 is when you can plan your life. You know then. I mean, you've now experienced real life for 5 years, and besides, I just had my first baby. I now had his life planned out too.
Marc and I would dream together about all it meant to have a son. You know how it is, and if you don't know, you dream of how it is, either way, you have "plans" of what you will do with your kids, what you hope they'll do, what you hope they will become.
Such a strange thought.
How would we ever know what to plan for our children's lives?
But at 40, I mean, really, you definitely know what you're doing. You're a veteran. A pro. An experienced liaison in this business of life. I mean, we have 3 children with special needs, Fragile X Syndrome. We know the ways to push and inspire and even sneakily trick our offspring into doing hard things, great things, new things.
Funny that we thought we knew what we were doing.
Why did I assume that just because our son has Fragile X Syndrome that our life would never be full of "typical" parental experiences like watching your son cheer at a Football game for his high school or take girls out on dates to the school dances?
But, we're handling it OK. It's overwhelming to go from one extreme to the other, but we are surviving so I guess it will be OK to move on with our lives and get done what we need to...
So... after 9 months of dealing with the aftermath of a sprained ankle I decided I would give in to the doctors recommendations and the advice of an MRI to have surgery done. I mean, this would be my 8th surgery in my life, I got this. I know what it takes to heal from a surgery. I know how my body responds. I prepared meals ahead of time for the kids. I arranged respite care to help me before and after school for 2 weeks until my follow-up appointment where I knew I would be told that I had done so well that I can just start walking without crutches in the boot...
When will I learn that I can't plan on anything?
When will I realize that life has it's own plan-maker?
I'm sitting in the ER right now waiting to hear why, after getting my splint/cast off yesterday, did I experience the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my life 2 weeks AFTER my surgery was done?
---pause for x-rays and doctor's report---
I'm fine. Just a big baby. More pain meds and a doctor visit to the surgeon tomorrow to find out what my problem is.
Anyway, the reason I am telling you all this is because before the extreme pain and the freaky circus my day became today (I'll save you the details and long sordid story.) I was inspired.
Really inspired.
Not like spiritually or an "aha" moment... I was inspired to write.
I haven't felt that for a long time. I've let my urges to write fall by the wayside so that I could be there for Brother and all that he is doing in his amazing Senior year! And to hold Sister's hand through the whirlwind we call Junior High and try to understand the world that Baby lives in.
But today my mom shared a really great song with me and I was so proud of it that I gave her the, what I am calling, "The Ruby 'Woo.'"
My maternal grandmother's name is Ruby. She was such an optimistic woman. I mean, she found a reason to be happy in any and all circumstances. We all loved to do things for her to make her smile. You always knew it was really good when she'd clap joyfully while smiling her beautiful smile and and then give a warm and jovial "Woo!" or "Woo hoo hoo!"
It was her signature.
Literally.
It was as if after each performance we did for her whether it was a somersault on her front lawn or singing on stage she was signing off on our good deed with her Ruby "Woo!"
Amidst the pain and frustration I was feeling today I was sent an inspired post that someone had written about our son, his teacher, and his cheer leading team, but especially him.
I've shared many videos recently on social media about his accomplishments and various things that have happened that make me smile and sigh in awe thinking of the plans I thought we had for him and then didn't have for him and then ... oh my...
But you guys, this person touched my heart on a day that I don't think could have been worse, but it made me cry grateful, happy tears. These words are the only thing that kept me on the positive side, the optimistic side of life today.
You just can't plan your life.
Yes, you can prepare for your future, you can set yourself up for hopeful outcomes, but don't plan your life.
If my life had gone as I had planned I would never have read the words in the image above and known that it was our son that had touched those people's hearts.
And to that I give a Ruby "Woo!"
That's the highest form of appreciation, adoration, and admiration that I can think of.
"Woo! You did it son! Woo hoo hoo!"
If you are interested in any of the posts that I mentioned here are the links:
(go to the 1:09:28 time mark to see the beginning of Orem's half time routine)
Brother, his teacher, his classmates and me on a little local news thing to honor Mrs. Glahn
My mom's Christmas song
