I had this day in the bag.
I got up and went downstairs to wake Brighton up so I could be sure to get him to the cheer bus on time.
We didn't have to be to his bus until 7:30, but considering all the work I had to complete today and the fact that Brighton can take some of the longest, most pointless, showers in the world, I knew I had to start early.
He was actually really good to spring right out of bed. He always is when he knows that cheer is involved that day.
I started editing some photos while I let him take his time in the shower since no one else was getting up any time soon so he could hog all the hot water. Surprisingly, though, he was done in 20 minutes! It usually, even with my strong encouragement and guidance, takes up to an hour. This signaled to me his extreme excitement for the big Sparkle Cheer Competition in Roy, Utah.
Seeing him being so motivated and independent this morning got me even more excited for my plan I had set out in my head of Marc, me and the girls driving one hour and ten minutes to go see his competition routine.
We got his snacks ready, his meds, his iPod and HSM (High School Musical) microphone---he was ready to compete.
He looks so handsome in his OHS Sparkle Cheer Uniform.
His Former coaches, Abi and Debi applied for OHS' special needs cheer team to be part of the National cheer group created for people with special needs The Sparkle Effect. So, now, even though Brighton doesn't go to high school anymore, the brought Brighton on as an "Assistant Coach." He loves every minute of it.
I was trying to get housework done while simultaneously getting work done so, as you can see, I am setting the stage for my daily problem.
I try to do too much. I always have some kind of fantasy notion that I can fit it all in before I have to leave to get somewhere.
Needless to say, that between all the work and chores I was trying to get done all while wrestling the girls resistance to getting ready for the day, the constant teasing and dodging to get out of getting ready because they don't want to ever leave the house... we got a late start.
I still had high hopes that we would make it just in time with our miracle smooth drive up into the Salt Lake City area.
But after our final wrestle and threat to get the girls in the van and then once getting in the van trying to calm Avery's nerves down so that she wouldn't explode in the car when it really hit her that we were driving such a "long way" to Roy. She was screaming and kicking the seat and I was beginning to wonder if she would have.
After about a 30-minute drive North we got a text message that The Sparkle Team was about to go on. We still had 45 minutes to go.
We weren't going to make it.
After waking up to my chirping alarm, running around all morning getting work done, housework started, getting Brighton ready for the day, running him to the bus at the high school at 7:30 am, pushing Avery through her anxiety about leaving, dragging Joslin out of bed and getting her ready with all the resistance she could muster all while I was trying to work my job and the household...
I had failed.
Failed as a mother.
Failed as a supporter.
Failed as a responsible adult.
It took everything in me to not completely melt in the car as we got off the freeway just to turn around and get back on to head home.
I wanted to cry.
A lot.
I had to miss his competition last year when he was still in high school because of my ankle surgery. Marc went on his own to represent both of us and his parents even showed up. But I had missed out. I was sad then and thought I would never have the chance to see him perform cheer again.
So when he was invited back to be on the Sparkle Team, I was so excited that I would be able to attend his competition this year.
Nope.
Not this year either.
I still want to cry just writing about it.
Thankfully though, my friend was there to watch her daughter cheer so she recorded Brighton's Competition cheer and dance for me to see.
I watched it.
Then I cried again.
He was so happy to be there and was so into the whole thing, it was and absolute joy to watch him in his element. He just loves being a cheer leader!
So, because I was upset about that I decided to take my frustrations out on paint and went and painted some pieces for the newest set for SCERA. I think it helped.
I'm just trying to remind myself that it was the thought that counted... right? I tried. I planned. I meant to be his number-one supporter...
Well, anyway, you'll have to watch the video and then you'll see why I am so proud of him and why I wish I could have seen it in person... I especially would have to loved to be a participant in the standing ovation they received for their routine.
Brighton was so proud.
A standing ovation.
I missed it.
Again.
But, I'm going to be OK.
Eventually.
In fact I'm already doing better because Joslin, our youngest, came in and gave me hugs and kisses and kept smiling at me and giving me hugs and kisses and sat on my lap while I finished up some work.
Then she snuck away with my phone.
She was just schmoozing me to get my phone...
... sigh...
Oh, well, it was sweet anyway.
I'll be fine.
I'll just sit over here in this corner while you pat yourself on the back for doing a better job than me today.
It's OK.
Really, I just want you to be happy.
Ha! Ha!
Sorry, I thought I was funny.
I needed a laugh!
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