The Light Before the Dawn

Last night was one of those nights.

The kind of night where Baby decides that sleep is an option and not a need.

When she first woke up it was only 12:30am so I gave her a sippy cup of milk and went back to bed.

Ten minutes later, "Maaaaahhhhhhhmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy!!!"

I went in and made sure that she was tucked in, her diaper was clean and dry, her pajamas weren't twisted, her bedtime toy still played music, gave her a kiss, told her goodnight and walked out with her almost full sippy cup and placed it back into the fridge.

Two minutes later, "Aaaaaahhhhh.... Maaaahhhmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Eeeehhhhh..."

This time I took her iPod into her. (Hey, I need my rest even if she doesn't.)

I think I had about an hour of rest and then, "Maaahhhmmyyyyyyy, mmmmmaaaaahhhhmmmmmyyyy!"

So this time I go in and lift her out of her bed and take her out of the room so she doesn't wake Brother and Sister. As we are leaving she says, "[Brother]. [Sister]," clear as day. (Their real names, of course.)

I take her out to the front room and we read some books, cuddled, read some more books while I listened to her say, "cow", "dog" and "quack." I get tired and lay down while she pulls at my face, pokes my eyes, yanks my hair and stands on my tummy all while she giggles and I grunt because that is all I have the energy to do.

Finally I think that maybe she has had enough awake time and I grab her almost full sippy cup out of the fridge, take her back to bed and lay her down with her cup in hand. (At this point, for any of you dental hygienists out there, I just want sleep, I don't care about tooth decay at the moment, just sleep.)

I lay down in my bed and look up at the clock to see 3:30. My mind starts to think about the previous moments with Baby (you know, because now, I am awake...) She said "mommy" several times, her sister and brother's names, was "reading" to me from the books and even said some of the words!

And there was the light.

She is really starting to talk.

Real, actual words that I can understand.

Not always functional.

Sometimes.

But they are her words.

I start to dose off in a happy slumber before the dawn comes.

"Rachael. Rachael. [Baby] is waking me up."

That's was Sister's voice.

She calls me "Rachael."

It's actually quite funny and everyone really seems to get a kick out of it.

And even though it was 4am I was happy to hear it.

I was up with my two girls for a bit listening to them jabber and talk with each other and was just beaming with excitement about communication and what a huge milestone it is with each of my children. You just don't realize the blessing of speech until you really have to watch some one try to do it.

Baby finally went to sleep at 6am in my bed.

Sister was happy to be alive and awake (4 - 5am is her usual waking time) even though she has a sore throat and pink eye —no school for her.

Brother was tired but compliant enough to obey his groggy mother as he got ready for school.

When I got back at 9am I laid back on the recliner in my coat and boots and zonked until 11am.

The girls slept too.

Throughout this day though I have been trying really hard to see all the "light" in my children and really pay attention to all they are accomplishing.

As a parent of children with special needs you can get stuck in a rut of looking at all they can't/won't/don't do. It's not from being negative, it is almost a trained thing as you try to get all the services they need for school and life—you have to prove what their needs are so they can get as much help as possible.

So at the end of a long day of seeing the negatives, challenges and trials...

it is a beautiful thing to be given a light in the darkness that reminds us of the dawn.

This picture is from over a year ago, but it is fun to see when Brother was feeding Baby.
This was one of those "light" moments.