Things just keep looking up

Not only did I get to go to the dentist today for 2 hours all by myself (I will write more about that later) but we had some special visitors!

When Marc was in high school his family had a foreign exchange student, Achim, live with them for a year. They have always stayed in touch with him. I have met him once before and today I got to meet him for the second time.

This time he came with his good friend, Thomas. They are out on a "guy trip" and left their girlfriends at home. They came all the way over from Switzerland and Germany to see us (and Yellowstone too).

What amazing friends they are. I felt like I had known them for years. They were so fun and so laid back and just fit right into the groove of everything.

It's times like this, though, that I do wish my kids could make it past being so overwhelmed by meeting new people. I was so wishing I could see my kids say "hello" and help them feel welcome, but I guess they will just have to do with Brother's and Sister's  shoulder shrugs and a little attention from Baby.

Here are a few pictures of Marc and his friends together. And of course some with Marc's parents and their treasured foreign exchange student!

We love you guys!

Achim, Marc and Thomas

Walking to grandma and grandpa's for dinner with Achim and Thomas

Gathering in Marc's parents' backyard for the BBQ

Then we had to gather for more pictures before we said goodbye.

Thomas, Marc, Achim and Marc's best friend from High School, Eric

with Lynne and Gary

"Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

                                   ~ G. Randolf

Paint Horse Pride

I love when my kids do something that I didn't think they would want to do or even could do.

My mom found a ceramic horse at a yard sale and bought it to paint and resale. Brother found it and asked to take it home so that he could paint it. I assumed I would be painting it for him.

I was wrong.

He got down the paints himself. (Granted, my counter was cover in paint, not to mention my could plates.)

Oh well, I was so proud of him for wanting to do it that I had to get a clip of it. As you will hear in the video that he really does NOT want me to put him on camera.



He painted it to look like our first horse, Golden. I thought it turned out to look just like her (smile).

No, our house isn't haunted. That is Sister whizzing by in the background.

It's times like this that I wish I would just get out the good camera instead of using my phone.

Sink Hole

I have been contemplating for days whether I should post some of my true feelings on my blog. I know, it sounds so fake for me to even say that, but, I know that some people read my blog only because they want a laugh or some inspiration. Most readers don't want to hear how rotten I feel during bouts of depression.

See this sink hole?

My husband took this picture on a site he was working at one day. There was a big tractor in that spot. Once second the trusty road was holding it up and within the next second, BAM, down went the tractor! Crazy huh? This picture (of course) is after they used a crane to pull the tractor up and out of the sink hole.

Sometimes depression is like that.

BAM!

...and you're down.

No warning. No hints.

There are those times when you can see it coming because of so many circumstances going on around you and you are able to brace yourself for the fall so that the fall is not so hard and abrupt.

I thought that's where I was, bracing mode.

But, I am finding I can only put so many "fake" braces in place before the final blow and...

BAM!

So, here I am, in my sink hole.

One small thing that got me to this place is seeing just how far of a gap there is now between Brother and the friends he used to hang out with all the time. Now don't get me wrong. He still has some very special friends, it's just that these friends don't really hang out with him anymore because their interests have grown and matured and Brother is still happy to do "kid" stuff. It's tough to see the separation happening. I always knew this time would come but, I thought that it would be a small gap between him and his peers socially, but sometimes, I am seeing it more like a canyon.

On the other hand I am so incredibly grateful for the kids in his special class, especially one. They have been best friends for quite a while now and they want to be able to play with each other on the weekends, but there have been some circumstances that can't allow that to happen.

So here I am with a son, who has friends that love him but really don't want to hang out with him anymore because of the social differences and then he has a great best friend but they can't hang out outside of school.

It's hard to watch.

Then there is the frustration and constant guessing game as to what will help Sister today. She has so much anxiety and overstimulation issues it is hard to witness sometimes. You can just see when her little body has had just to much of life and all it's activities and requirements.

I panic every time Baby shows signs of acting like Sister. I feel bad that I think that way because I love Sister, I just don't know if I can handle two of her.

I have been facing some really tough situations with the children I raised for a time. I have completely lost my place in their lives. What place that was, I don't know. But, I do know that there is no place for me, Marc or our kids.

Sad.

I tried for so long to break down the walls and let them know I would never give up.

But, I did.

Finally.

My walls are now up.

I have never been so guarded, but here I am, holding back everything I have to offer just because I can't handle being shut down anymore.

I feel like I am a bad person.

Like I was a bad mother to them.

Where did I go wrong.

We were in a very awkward situation a few weeks ago when one of the kids was at the same place we were and Brother kept looking where this person was with hope in his eyes that notice would be taken of him.

No notice.

He was sad.

It's so hard on all of us.

I understand why their walls are up.

I do.

But, it still hurts...

a lot.

I know that some people really have no idea how much they are hurting a person.

But, it is really hard for me to understand why a person continues to hurt another knowing that they are.

I want to be a good mom, a good wife, a good aunt, a good person.

Lately I feel like I am not meeting up to any of those things.

I am really grateful for this coming up on Saturday. I know it will boost my spirit and give me the jump start I need.

I am also so thankful to know that my Heavenly Father is there for me... I just need to pick myself up out of my sink hole and really pray for help. I struggle with sincere prayer when I am really down, don't really know why, I just do.

I really don't like posting about depression if I don't have a way to help others resolve it. I guess that is why I am willing to put my heart on the line... I am hoping that I can help someone out there that may be facing the challenges of depression.

This is my song of inspiration this week. My sisters, mom and I sang it with my cousin, Travis. It was a lot of fun.



I know everything will get better. It may get worse before it gets better, but I can't wallow in sadness over all the things I have no control over. I just have to remind myself, "Don't forget to pray."

The Long Bike Train or Best Dad Ever!

I couldn't decide which title I liked better.

One title reminds me of a song title and the other just tells you what a great dad Marc is.

Whichever title you like best...

Anyway, Marc got a new beach cruiser.

It wasn't even from a yard sale this time.

It was brand new! Wow!

He is pretty excited.

The same day he bought his bike I found a bike extension at a yard sale for $20. Coolest thing ever. You just hook it on to the bike seat and your passenger can "pedal" behind you.

Marc decided it would be cool if he hooked up the bike extension to his bike and hooked up the bike trailer (remember we got that for $5) to the bike extension. Hence, the long bike train, bike+extension+trailer=the coolest daddy-daughter train ever!!

The girls were pretty excited for the ride. They were just trying it out in front of the house before the rain hit.

Man, I love our life!

Corny

I know this post may seem corny once you get reading it, but there is definitely a good reason for it.

My mom called me up and told me to plan on coming to pick corn for free at the neighbors the next day so that we could freeze some. I wasn't too excited about this because last year, it seemed like a long, drawn out night mare freezing 12 bags. But, she said that Jessie and Kirsten were coming so I thought, if not for corn, at least for the conversation.

Jessie and my mom picked corn while I drove the van and parked it right next to the fence so they could just throw the corn in. My back was hurting so they let me off easy... I didn't complain, driving, parking, getting out, watching them pick, driving, parking, etc. was not a bad end of the deal.

Jessie and I got so excited, though, when we saw the milk weeds that were growing along the fence line next to the road.

Why were we so excited about the milk weeds?

It took me back to my childhood. We loved when the milkweeds came up and we would go out and pick the pods off. The ones that were cracked open were dry enough that we could just blow the seeds away (like a dandelion). The ones that were still young, were green and had to be pried open. We loved to peel away the seeds because it had silky hairs and when you pulled them and rubbed them together it felt like silk. They were also the special plants where the monarch caterpillars live so they could eat the plant. We would catch them and put them in a special cage my dad had built for us and we would feed it and watch it create its chrysalis. It was so amazing to watch and then to see the beautiful monarch butterfly emerge so that we could release it out into the fields and watch it fly.

Corny, I know. But, it is always a sweet memory when I look back on those simple activities with my family

After our reminiscence, we were able to get back on task and had the corn picked by the time Kirsten got there. She was so relieved that she would have to find some special place to put Melly while we picked.

So we all grabbed chairs and set them up in the shade. Pull the corn out of the van...

and then we got hungry.

Mom made us lunch and we had a great time eating and talking, but then it was time for work.

Us four girls sat out in the shade of the afternoon shucking corn.

We felt like pioneers.

Corny, I know, but, it was a good reminder that we need to slow down our pace of life a bit and enjoy the simple socialization that occurs during work. We were in a circle working, talking and laughing.

It was therapeutic.

It energized me for the rest of the day. (Even while I was boiling and cutting corn to freeze.)

Aw. Corny. That's me. And I am totally OK with that.

Oh, and if you have 3 minutes to watch this, it will help you understand how the small things can really add up. It's great inspiration (smile).

I think I can... I think I can...

It's a lost art...

canning.

I think I can because my mom did.

She cans because her mom did, etc.

Can I buy it cheaper, already canned and ready to eat off of the store shelves?

Probably.

Does it taste as good?

Nope.

Does bringing home already canned food encourage my kids to eat fresh fruit to their hearts' content when there are bushels of it waiting to be canned at home?

Nope?

Are there treasured memories pictured in a scrapbook somewhere of your grandmother buying canned fruit at the store?

Probably not.

I have pictures of my grandma canning.

Look at all those peaches! She had 13 kids for Pete's sake! What a woman she was and still is.

I have pictures somewhere of my kids helping me, and my sister has pictures of us kids helping my mom.

So I thought for posterity I would take a picture of the canning I did today:

And the canning I will be doing tomorrow...

And the next day...

Can I take back all the sweet things I said about canning and give up now while I am ahead?

Nope.

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can...

My new necklace

I love making jewelry out of other pieces of jewelry.

This necklace is made with old earrings, broaches, rings, bracelets, charms, beads, and necklace chains. This one was a work of art. Took me some time and planning so I just have to show it off...