So I have really had a lot to think about lately, and I have been wanting to write it all down but haven't had a chance. So here is a long post:
First off, things are getting better with 18, 13 and us. They have come to visit a few times and we have had some great conversations. It feels like things are the way they should be. There are still awkward times here and there for a moment but they quickly pass and we are back to, what is now, normal. I still miss them and wish they could come visit more often, but, at the same time, it has been really good for our little family and for them. I am really noticing what great friends 10 and 4 are, and how much they rely on each other. At night I have the baby monitor on in their room because they are downstairs and 4 doesn't like to get up and go potty alone at night, so I listen for her to call out and I go down to be with her while she makes the long, scary journey up the stairs to the bathroom. A couple of nights ago Marc and I went on a date and Grandma Lynne was with the kids. They were in bed when we got home and I went downstairs to turn on the monitor. A few hours later I hear 4's sweet little voice calling 10's name. She said it three or four times before I could get down there. She looked at me and asked where grandma was and I explained we were home now and that I could help her to the bathroom. I guess she thought that she was still being babysat and was wanting 10 to help her. Hearing her call his name for help melted my heart. It is good to see them getting closer and relying on one another.
I have had some unique opportunities lately to really appreciate the miracle of forgiveness, the value of friendships, and the ability to love others (besides my own family) unconditionally. It has made me think a lot about the love my Heavenly Father has for me and for all those around me. At first when I was faced with all the obstacles that taught me these lessons I felt picked on and was feeling a lot of self-pity. But, quickly (thank goodness) I was able to see the benefit of the things going on around me. I wish that I could share all the specifics but, because I don't want to drag anybody else's personal business onto my blog I will just post this link: Love One Another
I think that once we forgive, even if we haven't forgotten or if the pain is still a memory, we are able to show love to one another. And once we can do that, we are doing what Christ would have us do.
So, on that note (talking about being Christlike), I want to post an entry from my sister, Jessie's blog about an act of kindness done out of love for my son, 10:
"My Nephew's New Shoes
I have no permission to write about this, but hopefully I don't need it! I was talking to my sister yesterday and she told me what I thought was a really neat story. I wanted to share it because I think it could brighten anyones day. My sister was talking to her friend who lives across the street from her. My sister commented on her friends new shoes. They were brand new vans that had 3 velcro straps across them. Rachael asked where she found them because she had been looking for some like that for her 10 year old boy who has Fragile X syndrome. Last school year I went with my sister to buy shoes for him , that is where I learned he was very particular. We didn't buy anything that day. She bought some later that she had to beg him to wear. He has even been known to throw new shoes in the garbage.
The day after that comment her neighbor came with tears in her eyes to give 10 the shoes.....she wanted him to have them. She has really small feet so they fit him. They are dark in color and can go either boy or girl.
My nephew loves them. He is too shy to go up to her and say thanks. Instead he will yell across the street, "Thank You!". Rachael also told me that he wanted her to see that he loves them so he ran around in her driveway in his new shoes.
I was so touched by that act of kindness. My little nephew and nieces have so many good neighbors that look out for them. I have to admit they are fun to give to because their little hearts have perfect love. They love everyone. They have the light of Christ with them. I am amazed how their spirits understand things that logically people wouldn't think they would be able to know. They touch everyone that they meet."
I have been so blessed in so many ways. I am looking back now and seeing everything that has lead up to this point in my life. I understand so much more now why certain things happened the way they did. I see the power of Heavenly Father in my life everyday. It is amazing to me that I can move forward without depression or sorrow everyday after sending away two children that I had devoted my life to. But, it is now all in perspective and they are Heavenly Father's children and I had an opportunity to care for them for a time. They have changed my life, my children's lives, my mom and dad's lives, my siblings lives, my neices and nephews lives, and my aunts, uncles and cousins lives in a way that would have never been possible if I wasn't able to care for them for a time.
Now a new chapter in my life has been opened. I am able to more fully devote my time and energy to advocating for my children. I just recently spent a week deciding one which Kindergarten class 4 would attend this coming fall. It was a tough decision. There were five classes to observe. In two of the classes I knew 4 wouldn't do well with the teacher's flat personality, one class was so far away it would have been an hour bus ride, one class had an incredible teacher but the kids in there are much lower functioning that 4 and finally on Thursday I was able to observe the class we will be putting her in. It is a self-contained classroom with a curriculum that follows the mainstream kindergarten. It is a set-up just like 10's classroom. I am very excited. It is closer to home than some of the others I observed and I hope the teacher will be receptive to learning more about Fragile X Syndrome.
That is the thing about Fragile X Syndrome. No matter where I am I always need to explain it because so many people haven't heard of it before.
I was excited to have 18 come babysit for us last Thursday when Marc and I both had basketball games. 10 and 4 were so excited to see her. She also gave me the opportunity to take pictures of her and my cousin, Tyler for a just-because-we-want-to-dress-up date on Friday, so I will post those pictures. And then I got to do her hair for the high school sweethearts dance that she took a friend to. I don't have pictures of that, though.
I really need to get pictures of 10 in his "new" shoes. I will try to get those later.
Oh, and my mom has been helping me still, once a week. She was cleaning the mirror while holding Baby. I thought it was funny so I took a pic!
Also, update on Baby, she is now 9 pounds 13 ounces and 23.25 inches long. She smiles a LOT and is starting to "coo" a little bit for us. No laughing yet, but I think she is working on it. She smiles so much that it makes me laugh, so maybe that counts. She has been rolling over to her side while on her back and she loves to lay in her crib while her musical Mickey Mouse TV in wound up. She has been kicking a lot and is just so happy. Why is she so happy all of a sudden? Well, I finally figured out that it was the strawberry jam I was eating on my PB&J's. I never new strawberries could affect a nursing baby. Ta Da, she is no longer the collicky nightmare she was before. It is wonderful! See, it is all going well!
