I said this loudly in the back seat of our friends' Surburban as I was trying to figure out why I felt like I was forgetting something.
We were only 15 minutes away from the airport and we were now 45 minutes away from home and I have just realized that I forgot that my son is now 18 years old, and therefore needs to have an I.D. to fly on an airplane...
(sound of a record screeching to a halt)
Brother and I were on our way to Disneyland with his cheer squad for cheer competition nationals.
Neither one of us have ever been to Disneyland!
Ever!
I'm 41 and never been to Disneyland!
Brother is 18 and never been to Disneyland.
And now he had no I.D.
Seems like such a simple thing for me to remember.
Part of my forgetfulness may have been partly related to my extreme excitement to go to a place I've dreamed of going for almost my whole life, but I think it's mostly because I've never traveled alone with one of our kids and especially not on a plane so as confident as I felt there is definitely a reason that Marc is my other half... he remembers most of what I forget.
So at 4:15am I called Marc to wake him from his sleep to ask him to take photos of Brother's birth certificate, social security card, school I.D. and our certified letter of legal guardianship. I figured that something was better than nothing.
Brother was already pretty amped up about his first time to Disneyland which also lends itself to helping his anxiety levels to be either high or ready to explode so the fact that his mom had forgotten something this important, and he could tell how important it was by the tones we were all using to talk about it, he was on the verge of explosion.
We got our bags checked in.
Then we were on our way to TSA checkpoint to get to our flight.
"Umm, so, umm, ya, my son has special needs and I am new to this whole 18 year old son scenario and legal guardianship thing and I totally wasn't thinking and forgot his I.D." I was slightly leaning in with a loud whisper in the TSA employee's ear because I didn't want to cause a scene, draw attention to Brother or cause Brother to start screaming at me in a tight-spaced, high emotion, hurried environment, "I have pictures my husband sent me of his Birth Certificate, Social Security..."
That's where she stopped me and slightly perturbed asked, "Do you have any physical copies with you ma'am. We cannot accept photos of the documents."
I was about to feel my heart sink when Brother began to get riled and yelling at me for messing up and his physical aggression was teetering on making an appearance.
I asked the employee if there was anything I could do so that we wouldn't miss our flight that was going to take us to the land of pure happiness and joy.
She was very kind and I could see she was being especially careful in her wording now as she was becoming aware of the situation that we were facing with an over-anxious, 18-year old, 6 foot 2 inch tall man in our presence, "Oh, it's totally going to be fine. We just need to pull in someone who will verify your ticket information and make a few phone calls to get you through."
She ushered Brother and I aside so that we would not hold up the line of ever collecting people who were already huffing at my stupidity holding them from getting where they needed to go.
As we stood there waiting Brother made sure to throw in a few jabs at me now and then to release his anxiety and make sure that everyone knew this was all my fault.
Then the TSA manager came. The lady who had been helping us then turned to explain the situation and the manager quickly looked over at Brother and asked, "When did you turn 18?"
Brother froze in fear so I leaned forward to prompt him and nothing came out of his mouth so this time I repeated her question a little louder. Still no answer so I prompted him. He repeated the month and day, each after I said it first. The manager smiled and said, "They're good."
And there it was! We were on the other side of the turn-thingy that you have to walk through.
Now on the hour and a half flight to LA.
I made sure to pack Brothers High School Musical microphone, that has been his constant companion since age 10, and his iPod.
The plane was mostly full of our cheer team and some other local cheer teams and parents so I wasn't too concerned about his dramatic singing to entertain his friends and fellow cheer squad member with his renditions of various Shania Twain songs. He had most of us giggling and/or singing along as his antics got bigger and better.
He wasn't sitting by me.
Of course not.
He's 18. He's NOT going to sit by his mom like he's on the 3rd grade field trip.
So he had already planned with some of his friends from cheer that he would sit with them.
I sat behind him so that I wouldn't miss too much of the joy of watching him socialize on his terms or be able to quickly intervene if he decided to fall apart or something.
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| See, the saga of me screwing up and forgetting his ID and such now seems to be forgotten |
He was far from that though. He loved sitting by his friends. I loved sitting behind them.
I listened to Brother being social, making jokes and giggling profusely when they said something funny.
Then it came time to land.
Brother threw his arms up as the wheels were touching the ground and squealed with complete and udder delight, "This is so much fun!!!!!!" Then he squealed, inaudibly, a few more excited words in the high-pitched excitedness and everyone began to celebrate with him and laugh and laugh and laugh. Lucky for me one of his team members got the last squeals on video! We all took turns watching it because it would bust us up every time.
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| inside LAX waiting for his teammates' baggage |
And so it was going to begin. I knew that if he was this excited about a plane landing then Disneyland was going to blow him out of the water.
I had it all planned out. I may have forgotten his I.D. but I had made sure to have a plan of how to document Brother's every shout of glee and every shiver of excitement by having my portable iPhone chargers at the ready, my awesome just-got-it-for-Christmas-from-my-husband-bluetooth-selfie-stick ready for the epic filming that was about to go on. None of these fantastic moments were going to be missed. Especially because it was both of our first times to be there so it just had to be documented the right way.
"Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am! You can't take that selfie stick into Disneyland! They aren't allowed. They'll just take it from you and throw it away."
I slowly lowered my selfie-stick and my self confidence after filming an epic entry to the entry of the entry of the entry of the Disneyland entrance.
Well, I thought it was the happiest place on earth until that moment.
My plans of documenting me and my son walking into Disneyland for the first time ever together was now floating down the drain of forgotten dreams and broken Mickey Ears.
I picked my confidence up off the brick-laden walk-way to the gate of security, asked that the coaches and girls he loved would take him through to Disneyland without me so as to prevent another anxiety ridden experience for Brother and then trek the point six miles back to our hotel to rid myself of the heathen selfie stick, then trek back the point six miles to Disneyland selfie stickless so I could enter and, at least eat my first Disneyland lunch with my son for our first time.
Luckily, my arm works as a pretty decent selfie stick and I was able to film myself entering the magical kingdom by myself. I was pretty much in tears on the inside, but kept it together on the outside when I got excited about seeing Chip and Dale and Goofy pretty much right off the bat.
As I walked up the street of the famous Disney Castle I admit that my heart was a little low knowing that I had missed this exciting moment with Brother.
I had finally reached the destination that he was at with his friends for lunch, The Jolly Holiday Cafe.
There he was happily waiting for me with 3 of his teammates with a big grin on his face, excited anxiety in his eyes, and overstimulation on his face. I held back the tears as, unknown to anyone else around him, saw that this experience was tough for him, but he was holding it together. I was proud of him and I was sad for him too.
I asked his teammates if they would sit with him a little longer while I got us some food.
When I went in I wasn't shocked by the food prices because I had been warned, but I was more worried about the fact there was really nothing at that café that Brother would eat... oh boy...
Then I saw the Chicken and Green Apple salad! Ta da! Brother and I would share lunch, he would eat the apples and chicken and I would eat the salad. It was perfect and Brother's worried face calmed when he saw I had brought out two things he really loved to eat.
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| Sitting on the patio of the Jolly Holiday Café |
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| The picture I took to prove that I had, indeed, found something Brother would eat |
Then it was on with the itinerary of the day. Thursday was team day and we all stuck together in a group for all the rides and meals. Brother was very happy about this arrangement since he lives to be with his cheer friends and beloved coaches.
Our first stop was the Indiana Jones Ride!
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| Brother with Gray and her mom getting ready to enter the Indiana Jones Ride |
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| This pic makes me laugh because I didn't even notice that my had was covering Brother's face! Ha! Ha! |
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| His happy face while waiting in the Disneyland lines! |
Still, one month later, Brother says that Indiana Jones was his favorite ride. I think partly because it was his first ever ride in Disneyland, but also, it was really fun! Brother's favorite part was the "drops." That's how his assistant coach, Abby, would explain if the rides were scary or not and Brother took this to heart for every ride after that. He would turn to Abby and ask, "Are there drops?" whenever we were going to go on another ride. So Indiana Jones was his "first drop," therefore his most memorable one.
Pirates of the Caribbean was right up there on the nostalgia meter for me and for Brighton and we giggled and cheered for all the awesome moments along the way. It was truly magical!
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| showing that he is as tall as the doorway to the Pirates ride... I was always able to find him because of his height compared to the rest of the crowd. |
Brother wanted to be by his friend, Gray's side (her name has been changed for this since I didn't ask permission to use it) the entire time, yet also wanted the companionship and love of his coaches, Debi and Abby. So he would do everything Gray wanted to do, yet always had to have Debi and Abby with him for the ride. I learned this the hard way when we were about to get on the Thunder Mountain Ride. He wanted to go all the way up until the very last moments before getting on and then he wouldn't get in the car with me and was making quite a scene in which I wasn't helping because I thought if I pulled him into the car he would move past his anxiety for that moment like he usually does, but he made it look like I was trying to kidnap him and then frantically ran back to sit by Abby a few cars behind us. So, in order to not look too creepy I sat alone in the car I was standing dumbfoundedly in and hung on for dear life. Did I mention I don't like rides. At all. Oh boy, I think it was only my embarrassment that kept me from "Code V" which is what I hear is Disney term for "vomit."
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| I tried to get pictures of the group together, but I never got them all in one shot, but at least we have some. |
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| Waiting for our turn to ride the steam train to the other side of the park for the Space Mountain ride. |
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| He's pointing at me saying, "Judy's little girl!" That line became his go-to phrase for me whether it was for insult or giggles. |
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| In case you forgot, or didn't know, Brother LOVES trains, especially steam trains so this little gem that would take us to the other side of the park was quite a highlight for Brother. |
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| posing for his photo op with the steam train |
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| We had a LONG wait for the train so Brother made himself comfortable |
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| Brother and Gray showing me how tired they are while waiting for the train. |
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| going through the tunnels was a big highlight |
My next life lesson came when we got in line for the Space Mountain ride. We had been a little behind the group since Brother was wanting to be with his coaches and we had taken a little restroom detour. When we got to our spot in line Brother wanted to be with Gray WAY ahead in line with some of the group that had gotten there earlier and just he just HAD to be up with them. So, we jumped up in line to be with Gray and the others.
The line for Space Mountain was so loooong! Looking behind us where we were in line I realized that it would be at least 45 minutes before the coaches and the others in their group would even be to the same place as us.
As we approached the entrance of the actual ride and not the entrance of the entrance of the entrance of the line of the entrance of the line to wait to get to the entrance I started to pick up on the fact that Brother kept looking behind us. It wasn't until we got all the way to the actual stairway entrance of the ride that I was rudely awakened to my ignorance that he was looking for his safe person, Abby, to be there to ride with him, but she was, at least, 45 minutes behind us. Brother was in complete panic mode. He was melting... that's the best way to describe it all in just one word... melting... for the length of the post I will leave that to your interpretation.
There was no way he was going to get on this ride.
But, I also found out there was no way he wasn't going to go on this ride.
The cast members running the ride were so kind to us and were very understanding and accepting of out situation and allowed Brother and I to stand out of the way near the exit wall. A couple of the cast members came to check up on us a few times to assess the situation and I just explained that he was too scared to go on the ride without his friend, Abby, and that he wanted to wait for her even though she was so far behind. I'm actually not sure how long we waited, but, to me, it seemed like and eternity as I watched Brother's anxiety levels spike and endured barrages of insults and name calling being spurted out by his anxiety.
Poor guy. I felt so sorry for him. A grown man he looks to many, yet falling apart like a toddler. I could tell he was embarrassed, yet couldn't get it under control. My heart ached for him. I wanted so badly to fix the situation, but there was nothing I could do but patiently wait for Abby to make it to the ride. I literally, as his mother, had NO way to mother him. I felt like a failure.
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| I took this picture to remember the struggle of the moment, but it was a good distractor for at the time too. If you look closely you can see the panic in Brother's face... poor kid. |
Then we saw Abby coming through the walk-way and Brother's demeanor completely changed, a total 180! He was so happy to ride Space Mountain with Abby, his assistant coach, and was quick to ask her about the "drops" and if it was scary.
I was still a little queasy from the Thunder Mountain ride and, frankly, emotionally and physically drained from holding him during his panic, that I opted to not ride and just wait for the small group at the exit of the ride.
I walked back and waited at the exit of the ride feeling defeated and inadequate.
Then Brother came from the exit of the Space Mountain ride in complete and total triumph and excited exhilaration announcing that "it was so much fun!" and there were "so many drops!" and it "was so scary!"
I reminded myself that I had been strong enough to wait with him, to endure the stares and awkward glances, questioning faces and uneducated comments all just to allow him to overcome his fear and enjoy the ride, even if it wasn't with me.
Besides, I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself, Brother was back on his Disney high and ready for the next adventure!
We split up into groups for dinner and then headed over to the California Adventure side for some more fun. When we went to get into the California Adventure Gates we had to show our tickets again and it was then that I realized that Brother's ticket had been lost along the way. Luckily Gray knew to take a picture of Brother's ticket in case of that very situation so she was able to bring the photo up on her phone and the cast member at the gate was happy to let Brother in.
Brother was so giddy with Disney magic excitement! It was absolutely contagious!
Everyone was so excited to go on the new "Guardians of the Galaxy" ride, which to those who know Disneyland would know it was the old Tower of Terror ride.
The line for this one was a long one and, frankly, hearing about what it was I did NOT want to go, but Brother wanted to do what his friends were doing and he was set to do this ride also.
Brother is extremely sensitive to music, sounds and voice inflections or voice tones so sometimes even when something isn't scary at all, it will seem scary to him because of how the music sounds to him. As we got closer to getting to the start of the ride Brother started to become agitated and fearful because of the dialogue and music going on with the ambiance of the ride. I could see that he wasn't going to make it. He wanted to go with Abby on the ride so badly so he kept pushing forward, but he finally lost the fight to keep going. I took him into my arms and out the closest exit to try to calm him down.
It was a really rough next 15 or so minutes of my trying not to cry or meltdown so that he could cry and meltdown instead. I took a couple pictures to remind me of how hard those moments were.
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| He was so scared and so panicky that he could hardly look at the camera. |
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| It was getting cold outside so one of the cast members allowed for us to stand inside the door way of the exit so that we could warm up. This is Brother trying to get some sensory input and some much needed comfort. I remember taking a picture at this specific moment because I don't want people to think that this trip was all easy and that Brother just enjoyed every moment. It was hard and it was rewarding. |
When we met everyone at the end of the ride, Brother was so happy for them and told them they did a good job by going. He was so happy for them and kept reassuring himself that he was still very brave just by getting to the entry.
The almost half mile walk back to the hotel was full of laughter and story telling of things that had gone on that day and Brother was all smiles.
We got back to our hotel room about 10:30 and it took until almost 12:30 for him to finally calm all of his faculties down enough to fall asleep.
It had been a big first day and we had been awake for a full 20 hours... it was definitely time for bed.
And if I had known what was on the morrow... I would have gotten a little more sleep and prayed a lot harder during my evening prayer...
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