Variation on a Dream

I've been wanting/needing/dreaming of blogging for so long.

I'm here at the surgery center so that Brother can have some dental work done and I brought my laptop because I knew I'd have some downtime while waiting for him and thought it was a great idea to blog.

Now as I sit down to write about everything that has touched my heart, tickled my funny bone, dented my spirits, or harshly shown our reality are all memories that are, at the moment, not remembered.

Sigh.

So my hope of inward retrospection from what has been our life lately is not there... right now.

Right now I just sent Brother with the dentist and anesthesiologist on his way to the waiting room.



He was hesitant to go at first, pulled his blanket over his head and curled up into a ball.

When he heard his dentist, Dr. Shepherd's voice he was quickly obliged to follow him to the entry of the surgery room hall. As he walked away I said, "Good luck. Love ya buddy." He replied with a cock of his head and back to me as he strutted to the doorway, "Whatever Mommy!"

Everyone laughed.

Me too.

He is quite sassy and talks back a lot.

We do get after him when he crosses that respect line.

We also laugh a lot because he is letting his personality shine through.

It was a long 4 weeks of getting Brother up early on summer morning weekdays to get him ready to go to 6:45am cheer practices. If you read my previous post about getting someone to work with Brother you'll know how sad I was about not being able to be part of his life and his endeavors and having to hire someone to be who I wanted to be...

 Well, at his first opportunity to cheer for his high school his Buddy wasn't able to be with him.

I knew this ahead of time and prepped for a few days before that I would have to take him and that I would be there. With the initial announcement of this development he completely melted, yelled, screamed, and threatened self-harm.

By Friday he was totally calmed as I asked him to get into the car and he didn't yell at me, scream at me, or threaten to hit me during the drive there or pushing me away as I walked behind him to get the gym for warmups.

Then I sat there and watched him warm-up with the other cheerleaders and watched a bit of his personality shine out as he talked with and teased the girls.



I couldn't help but smile.

But, deep down I was just waiting for him to yell at me to "Go away!!!" so I just kept my expectation low.

Then they came out to the track to cheer for the football team and there was Brother leading the way with "confidence" plastered on his face.

The cheers started and I don't even know how to explain my pride, excitement and shock as I watched him do every cheer and almost every move!

He was a super star!

His teachers and peers kept approaching me to say how amazing he was and what a shock it was to see him coming, almost literally, out of his shell.

I couldn't stop cheering for his cheering, laughing at his antics and looking around to see who else was enjoying his talent and tenacity!

Someone sent a picture with him in it to his teacher, Marie, and she ran right over from her house (pretty close to the high school) with her daughter to come and cheer him on and beam in pride with all the excitement and dedication he was showing.

We both goggled about the progress he has made and how amazing it was to see this personality coming for everyone to enjoy.

So, I get to go to all of the games he cheers at, because he is so proud of himself, feels totally secure in his abilities as a cheerleader.

My dreams may not always come true, but I'm realizing that variations of dreams ain't bad either.