Deep thoughts by Rachael...

I miss this.

Writing about Our Life.

I have taken a break from theater to be with my family more at this time, but I fear that because of it I have let go of other things that mean a lot to me and keep me positive.

I'm kind of an "all or nothing" kind of person and I really need to work on changing that. I mean, that can be a good thing, but I need to learn to accept that it is OK if I don't do it all. It's OK if I just do my best and that my best may not be some one else's idea of "best."

Does that make sense?

I try so hard to make others happy that I feel discouraged if they aren't happy. I just really have to accept that I can't make them happy and it is their choice if they choose to be happy.

Happy.

It really is a choice.

I know I've talked about it before, but now I'm accepting that I can't be the person who helps others to choose "happy." That's up to them, and I can't let it make me feel like a failure because they aren't.

I also have to realize that "happiness" is different for everyone.

I don't know why I am writing about this now.

I learned it years ago as I realized things that make our children happy were sometimes so abstract to me or sometimes, even a little ridiculous, but, then I embraced it and realized that even the smallest thing could bring joy.

I guess because of living life against depression and anxiety and living with child-like forever children I have learned to smile and laugh and jump about everything that is even slightly happy.

And it's OK, I can't help some one jump with happiness or grin with joy.

I just need to be glad that I tried.

I really have to be OK with their choice to either not be happy about it, or to show their joy in a more subtle way. It doesn't mean that I am a failure or wrong for hoping they'll be happy. It's their choice.

It's also my choice to not let my insecurities defeat me and keep me from trying to help others find joy.

Anyway, I hope that makes sense.

I just had to write this little diddy so that I could remember why I blog and that it's OK, if my life experiences don't make some one happy in some way, but I do hope that they see I am having joy in my journey and it inspires them to do the same... in their own way.