Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Yelling at Angels

My mom and I have decided that it's in the genes.

The weirdest, most random and bazaar things happen to us at the most inopportune moments.

I don't quite know how to explain it, but if something is going to go wrong, it will probably be me or my mom who cause it... not on purpose... oh no... certainly not.

That's what makes it all so amazing is that it is completely coincidental.

I would say that my mom has the gene stronger than I do, but I have it bad enough that I can make her laugh at my mishaps.

It's always when I'm in a hurry... always.

Yesterday getting the kids and myself ready for church proved to be a feat that was beginning to look near impossible.

I had gotten all the kids ready to go so now it was my turn to hurry up and get ready in the 30 minutes I had before church started and we try hard to get there at least 15 minutes early, so really I had 15 minutes to get ready. Ya, ya, save your thoughts of, "It doesn't even take me 15 minutes to get ready" you can keep those comments to yourselves because that is something else my mom and I share in our genes is that we can't exactly pull off the no make-up and a messy bun look... trust me... we know it... you shouldn't have to...

Anyway, back to my story: I now had 15 minutes to pick out a dress, get dressed into it, put on make-up and get my frizzed hair tamed enough not to look like I'd rubbed my head on the carpet.

BUT!!

There's always a "but."

Because my children were melting that the 100 pages I had printed off yesterday were now all colored, I just HAD to print off more coloring pages for them because, heaven forbid that life go on without coloring.

So at that point I was getting a little edgy because I was having to take time to find the coloring pages they wanted so that we wouldn't have a major melt-down at church caused by not having enough ninja turtles or my little ponies to decorate.

It took me at least 5 minutes to get some pages picked out. I started them all to print and told Brother to watch for the prints to come out and he was to give a fair share of coloring pages to his sisters.

I was now down to 3 minutes before 1:00. And it was going to take me at least one of those to get down the stairs and into the van of my waiting family members. Realizing I had no time to shower I had to forgo shaving my legs so I had no choice but to wear a really long dress or skirt. (Sorry to anyone who sat by me... I hope we are still friends.) After mulling for a few quick seconds over what I had in my closet I decided that I felt like wearing a really awesome flowy, colorful, fully twirl-able skirt - the epitome of the complete opposite of how I was feeling.

After I got dressed I realized I was going to need to get in the car and just do my make up in there.

I grab my make-up and church bag for the kids an start to rush out my door when suddenly I am yanked back full force at the height of my ankles and almost topple to the ground as I am off balance with my full church bag full of discarded coloring pages I forgot to empty last week and books to use as their desks as well as multiple sensory toys for moments of melting because the coloring pages ran out before the closing prayer in Sacrament meeting.

I look down and my really cool, really long, beautifully colored Hippie skirt has whipped its way just enough under the door to catch on the bottom corner and lodge me into space! Who in the heck manages to catch the bottom of their skirt at the bottom corner of a door? Me or my mom, that's who.

At that point my frustration levels are already high because nothing this morning has gone very right so far... so my patience is waning.

Oh but it gets better. As I leave my room I notice that none of the bedroom doors are closed and I know Marc is waiting in the van with the kids so I can't holler at anyone to shut them for me so that Ranger doesn't chew on anyone's toys. So I sashay down the hall after closing my bedroom door, then Baby's, then the bathroom's and my skirt is swishing and swaying with quite the sound effect as I rush to each door to close it.

Sister's was the last door to close and because I was beginning to get a little bit of joy from the sounds and feel of my happy skirt, I closed Sister's door with a little bit of style... like with a half turn, a flick and smile as if I were in a Disney musical.

The doors are all shut and I finish out my victory turn and... "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzppptt! Wham! Bang!"

I had shut my skirt in the door and I was a tad bit miffed that because the "every action has an opposite and equal reaction" scenario I was flung into the wall smacking my head on the corner of the doorway and tweaked my neck in the whole turning, fumbling, getting stuck experience.

And did I mention the skirt got thoroughly stuck in the hinge side of the door... not the typical shut your skirt in the door kind of experience... wait... is there a typical shut your skirt in the door kind of experience?

...

Anyway.

Keep all that in mind.

My mom and I also always joke that the angels watching us get a good laugh every so often when we do stupid things and tease that they help cause the mischief that gets us into these situations. I guess it's our way of being able to laugh at how unlucky we seem to be at times.

Now back to having my skirt stuck in the door...

I was so mad at this point that instead of just opening the door to release its grip on my skirt I puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuull it out of the door.

So after dramatically... and I do mean dramatically... wrenching the skirt from the door I start to get really steamed.

So I yelled at the angels to "knock it off!" and "stop laughing!"

Yup, I had lost it. I was now yelling at angels.

After getting in the van, I am privy to understanding that there has been a melt-down in the car because Sister doesn't have the coloring page she wanted...

"What?!!" I just spent my time looking for coloring sheets to print for each child and Brother has the audacity to hog the entire pile of coloring pages so now my frustration level is high. I quickly grabbed his stack of coloring pages and flipped through to get Sister's pages to her and calm her down.

Wait... I thought I printed more than this... I turned to ask Brother if he had grabbed all the pages in the tray and then realized that the printer must have run out of paper.

!@#$^&%!

Marc stops the van in front of the house (because we didn't get very far yet) and I stopped and mumbled under my breath wondering why nothing was going right this morning.

Low and behold, when I got in there, it was indeed out of paper.

I loaded the paper and waited while rolling my eyes and bouncing my knee with impatience.

Finally printed.

I run up the stairs...

Yep.

I tried to run up the stairs.

Did I seriously forget what had happened 10 minutes previous because of my flowing skirt?

One big face plant away from a nose reconstruction I was able to catch myself.

Quietly, in my head, I thanked the angels for, at least, catching me before it got bad and then picked up my skirt like a proper lady and walked quickly back out to the van.

I wish I could give you a really inspirational happy ending like:

And when I got back into the van I looked around me to realize that I had angels all around me... our children...

but they were still falling apart and yelling at each other and grating on mine and Marc's nerves.

Nothing, was really going to change but my attitude.

So I write these things down so that people can laugh at how amazing I am at getting my dress caught on and in doors. In fact it reminds me of how talented I am at getting the front pockets of my jeans or even a belt loop stuck and the little thing-y that keeps a door closed. I'm amazing at that. Truly, I am.

I'll just try to keep the yelling at angels thing at a minimum...

3 remarks:

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